Well I survived the week, wish I had gotten some e-mail addresses before the sight shut down. It was very tough to go through alone as most of you know, you've been there done that!! I am still reeling about the whole thing. the EA's were bad enough but now he is in a PA and is so "in love". I don't understand how he can just walk away and be so passe' about it. Like we were never bestfriends,lovers and soulmates. There is no one in my life that understands the pain I'm going through, thus, I am here again. Thank you all and thank you MB for being here. WH does not want to involve lawyers and has stated that if I do he will get a really good lawyer and fight me for sole custody or atleast shared custody (so as to not pay me child support). If I try for alimony he said he will sell our properties and quit his job and spend all our savings (in a bank account in his name only)and then I will get nothing. then in the next breath says that he would'nt want to do that to the kids, but I would be pushing him to do it. He thinks that just because I haven't worked since he and I got together that I should not be entitled to anything but our home and the piece of junk van he left me with. I am afraid to go against him on this, I have always done as he has asked and just so much want to keep him on my good side... I know, I know, I know ... that is just stupid, but I have been so dependant on him for 15 years (married 14yrs) that old habits die hard. I know I need to get a lawyer involved and I need to realize that there is no way he could prove me unfit, and I know most of what I am entitled to. Now I just have to get a back bone and DO IT !! As always, thanks for the vent!! please any words of wisdom would be much, much appreciated. Thanks
-Jamie-

Hiya, sorry this is happening to you.

I would definitely get to a lawyer asap. Tell him about the threats your H has made. Perhaps if this info were brought before a judge, you could make some pre-emptive seizures. Judges just love to hear about these kinds of threats.

Above all, you need to protect yourself and your children.

dewt

thanks dewt. I know that I need to get a lawyer and soon. Just seems easier said then done. I don't even have access to the money,only what is in the checking account and that is just enough to pay household bills.
-Jamie-

Maine Girl,,

Sorry for you going thru the emotional ride you are.. I'm right there with ya.. and I'm a Maine-boy...

I agree, you should get a lawyer since he is making the threats he is... I as well have asked my WW to keep the lawyer out of it.. but the only threats I have made was that I was not going to get an attorney unless I had to defend myself against her attorney, and also that I was not going to accept "anything" less than 50/50 custody..

My ww had an EA back in January and has been on a fast track for divorce ever since.. She moved out on 1 March, and 11 days later said that nothing would work for her except divorce.. Right up till the middle of January, she was loving, and gave me notes and cards saying she loved me and supported me and knew we'd be together forever... So what the heck happened??

I can see her having issues with problems we had, but to change her thoughts 180 degrees so quickly, and then to not allow any positive changes on my part to help at all.. and to not be open to "any" hope of fixing or healing our Marriage.. I just don't get it...

So, yeah - I believe I know exactly how you feel Maine Girl.. and it truly is a horrible emotional battle.. Looking at being single after so many years (12 for me) when just recently life was not so hopeless...

I wish you all the best... Definitely get a lawyer on your side.. atleast some advice if nothing else.. Keep as positive as you can... Everybody keeps telling me there is life after the spouse leaves.. and although probably both you and I would argue that point right now - it must be true..

Keep us posted..

Sorry to hear about your pain? I too did not want any attorneys involved but when she filed and had me thrown from the house it got ugly. You need an attorney to draw up a seperation agreement. He has to pay child support unless the kids live with him half the time an dhe has to provide HALF of the support. If he make 60K and you make 30K He would have to pay support. Marital assets are determined by what was obtianed during the marriage. Not by whose name is on the account. He won't sell everything and run will he? Be rational and calm but most of all protect yourself.

I had a wife hammering me for a seperation agreement for 5 months. I never wanted it. I wanted to try....when it hit me I was and remain shocked...then I HAD to spend the money to protect myself. It pretty much SUCKS when you can not negotiate with your own spouse...attorneys get expensive...

protect yourself.

Hi Jamie,

I kept an eye out for you on SYMC.

If this leads to divorce, I doubt you'll be able to do it without your own lawyers. Your WH wants you to be all nice-nice, and threatens to get nasty if you don't. Ridiculous. Go lawyer shopping. Find out what your rights are, how divorce is done in your state. Don't let anybody charge you for a consulation. Don't get beat to the punch, but don't panic either. Your H can't have what he wants. He's going to be mad when he learns that.

GC

thanks graycloud for looking for me on SYMC. I felt to emotional to try another board, but I really should have. It was a rough week and still continues to be.
J.D. sounds like you ww and wh are two peas in a pod, but aren't they all!! wish you the best and you keep positive also!!
-Jamie-

[color:"blue"] MG Dearie, your wh has a full blown case of bullshyt, and that's my medical diagnosis. It apparent that every time he opens his mouth crap comes out.

I'd be very surprised if his eyes weren't brown from it.

Okay. First. Since you've not worked, and you've been married longer than 10 years, there may be an out for you. In Texas, which is a no fault state, you can qualify for assistance from your ex up to 2 years or till you can support yourself in a manner you and the kids are used to. CHECK INTO THAT!

When I talked to a lawyer and told her what dh had done, told her all that he said...OMG! Your wh cannot do those things...he's having an affair, he hides $$ from you, he threatens you...all LOOK BAD BAD BAD to a judge. A judge will have no issues with you have C with your kids after all the things wh is doing to you. Period.

Head up, chica! You're gonna get thru this!

- Kimmy[/color]

Hi MG,

I cant believe I finally got in to post!!

I am sorry.

What does he say you should do? Does he really expect you to be OK with his A? How WS's can say this crap with a straight face is beyond me.

I cant imagine he's risk loosing his new soulmate by loosing his job. I'm sure he needs all his $ to continue this farce.

I'd RUN, not walk to a lawyer. I mean, what's next...

Once you have the lawyer, the lawyer will make sure your WS cannot sell all the properties or delete your savings. Get copies of all documents, with latest balances, and get them out of the house (for safe keeping). Your WS is bullying you, and it's working. YOU have to draw the line in the sand at some point... better sooner than later. He WILL spend that money to finance his A, best you get it all on legal record before it's all gone.

Dont let him bully you. Please be careful and take care - Dru

Ditto to Dealans post. Here in CA. The first thing a lawyer will do go to court and get an order for him is pay for YOUR lawyer (if you don't work or can't afford it). He can try and sell his assets and hide his money. That doesn't work. Courts will put an injuntion on that. He can quit his job, so what, let him. Let that alimony and child support debt build up and ruin his life. They will take everything he has and then attach his wages. The courts see this [email]cr@p[/email] day after day and they get real tired of it. Judges have little patience for his type. Get active BEFORE he does.

I don't think he can quit his job in order to evade child or spousal support. The court system is on to that one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> He'd likely be found in contempt of court for trying it.

I'm sorry for your pain. It must be devastating. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But don't let anything stop you from holding your husband accountable in terms of his family obligations. It won't forward your progress in Marriage-Building, or in anything else.

Make sure you're keeping a record of his threats too. You might need that later. Witnesse affidavits, recordings, emails, etc. I don't think there's any illegality involved in taping conversations, as long as you make the other person aware that he is being recorded. (????)

And round up copies of all joint assets. Just because something is in his name only doesn't necessarily make it only his.

thanks all, I am having a very hard time to even reply here. I keep getting logged off or can't even get into the posts. anyway, H has already taken the file cabinet with all paperwork in it. all I have is the checking account with not even enough to pay all bills. my van's registration runs out at midnight tonight and the inspections sticker ran out last month (it won't take one because the windshield has a big crack in it and needs to be replaced and it has a flat tire) I feel abandoned!!
-Jamie-

Hey Mainegirl,,

This is the Maineboy J.D. I am so very sorry you are getting all this crap thrown at you.... As if you are the culprit here!! I'm sorry, but I don't know how you are able to not go after this guy.. He sounds like a creep to me.. He's the one trashing the marriage, and then he spins and puts all these demands and threats on you!! That's just not right..

You definitely need to get a "good" attorney - and I mean like yesterday!! Please Jamie - listen up... I know you love him, but he is doing bad things to you right now, and if you don't stand up for yourself, you will end up way worse than it has to be, and all because he wanted to be a bully and you didn't want to defend yourself... You have to think of yourself and your kids right now... Whether he's thinking clearly right now or not makes no difference - you need to take care of yourself and your kids..

Please, go now and talk to an attorney. Take control of this control freak, and stand up for yourself. You and your kids are worth it - and don't you ever forget that!!

We're all here for you, and we're behind you 100%. I got your post back to me on the other forum, and I'll email you later today.. Good luck and God bless.

Jamie... if you're in a financial bind, check out Pine Tree Legal Assistance at http://www.ptla.org/index.html. They provide legal services for low-income Mainers. Sounds like you might qualify.

Hi MG,
How are things going? Did you decide to speak with an attorney? - Dru

Oh my goodness, I finally got in!!

Hi Dru, thanks for asking...
sadly I have not.. why,,, I don't know.. afraid of what he will do, how dirty he will fight. I don't want to put the kids thru hell... I just want to be done with this and hope that he will be nice.. what he wants to pay me (as far as all the properties go) I am fine with, really. I just question anything else that I might be entitled to. But in the long run, I don't think it would be worth it... I just don't know..
I haven't been able to post anything,,, can't get in unless someone responds to my post.. so thank you Dru =)

graycloud.. If you see this , I want to thank you for looking for me at SYMC.. I never made it there but wish I had..also wish I had snagged your e-mail.. I could have used it and your knowledge... thanks to all....

-Jamie-