After 3 months of sheer torture from my wife after informing OWM on her EA I finally started to push back. She was just so full of attitude and everything she said was full of hurtful phrases. No only hadn’t she said anything nice to me, every thing she said had some kind of barbed statement in it. To sum it up I endured 3 months of emotional abuse and she’s the one that had the improper friend.

I first started to point out the nastiness in her words and how hurtful they were to me. Then we were hit with an issue of my daughter’s death treats. She wanted to let this go and I insisted on counseling (as advised by numerous school professionals). I didn’t back down and pushed the issue. This experience taught me I have more power than I give my self credit for. My wife hasn’t ran out the door. Her statements about staying for the sake of the kids and living in a loveless marriage seem to imply she’s staying. I’ve told her those alternatives are not what I want for me or her.

Well Monday a discussion about my daughter got off on some ugly tangents. We ended up in a ‘passionate discussion’ – not conversational tones, but not screaming rants either. I let her know what I did (telling OMW) was a direct result of her actions. I didn’t make this stuff up and his wife has just as big a problem with it that I have. I told her she seemed to need him to cope with her day. While she says he isn’t the problem I countered with he is a big problem. She left in a huff to pick up our son.

When she came back later she started it up again with a letter I read to OMW. She insists it was a work of fiction on her part (letter started with ‘I have no regrets…’). I told her that it was very clear and well written and even if it just reflects her feelings that it is disturbing enough. She ended up running upstairs crying. I followed and we talked some more. Her next defensive statement was ‘woman just can’t have male friends’ (as a complaint against society). I asked her if she would write such a thing to a woman. She then said it didn’t say ‘Dr [OM]’ on it. I reminded her the name of the file on her PC used his initials. She went on with more defensive things and I shot big holes in every one.

I had to leave for an hour or so and we chatted again when I returned. We had both calmed down some by then. I apologized for bringing up all these things I vowed to myself not to. She apologized for saying things in anger. We chatted calmly for about an hour.

It got a lot of my feelings out in the open. After that night she’s been more humble. Could this be a start of a fog burn off? I know I used a bit of a flame thrower approach but I really had reached the end of my patience.

Mark

Sometimes I thiunk I had to come out of the "fog" on my own...Perhaps it was the words of others but I would like to think it was due the patience of my W, the meetings with the MFC, a loss of relationship group, anti-D's and time. I didn't just "pop out" into the opening it(the fog) just seemed to fade away. All the above plus NC gradually brought me out of my past and into the present
H

While I'd be happy to stand by and wait for the fog to clear I couldn't take the outright nastiness of my wife. I started calling her on her comments. I also got sick of her lies and laid for on the table that ended up shooting wholes in her her lies. Her old methods of shutting me up no longer function. I think I've just had enough disrespect from her.