I just wanted to let everyone who responded to my message "husband doesn't know why," that right now I'm in a better state of mind because of you. I thought I was the only one out here whose husband did not know why he had an affair. He was always the one who defended our female friends against idiot husbands. Just a few months before his affair began, he stopped a married, male friend from going home with someone after a party. The affair put me in a permanent state of shock that I'm not sure I will ever recover from. I KNEW he would never do this to me. I was dead wrong!! I guess what I need to know now, is can I ever trust to have children with him? Anyone who has had children with their husband after an affair, please let me know. We are not planning on doing this until next summer (1 yr. 6 mo. after discovery). Can it work or will he bolt the minute stress hits again? I don't want to be a single mother, but I desperately want a child, and he says he does too. HELP!!<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Just a few months before his affair began, he stopped a married, male friend from going home with someone after a party. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My husband used to tell our older children that You never have an affair! Because if you do, you can never get back that innocense in your marriage!<P>We were watching a Michael Landon movie, about his affair. He blamed Michael Landon's spouse for him having the affair. I asked him when his values changed. He didn't have an answer, and couldn't remember ever saying that "you never have an affair..."<P>My husband has talked others out of affairs many many times, including a co-worker. I've heard that lecture so many times I can't believe it.<P>When the lectures stopped, the values changed, then my suspicions were confirmed. <P>But, I guess you have to come to a place that you realize that your spouse isn't perfect, and made a mistake - the worse mistake they could have made. But you decide that your future and your marriage is worth fighting for, so you try and recover and make your marriage affair proof and delightful. If the affair was the catalyst for this, then all was not bad.<P>