Had a crummy phone call with WW overseas. She's willing to sit in on counseling with me. I said I would not hold up paperwork for divorce since if we could not be in love, I didn't want to be married to her either.

She is however still in contact with OM via E-Mail and phone calls. "It's not a relationship though. (WHATTT??!!) I just send him little notes so I have someone to talk to." "He may come over this summer to pick up his things." I am still in love with him. I would probably like to have his baby" I stayed calm and asked how he made her feel because I would like to make her feel that way.

"She even said DS8 misses OM." I had to tell her then that I did not want OM around DS8 anymore. If WW wants to see him, I can't stop her, but that's her decision. It still hurts me.

I didn't lose my temper, but I was tempted. No real LBs.

This just BLOWS MY MIND <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I can't go to see them because the flights are full <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

SNS,

In one para you say you don't want to be married and in the next you say you want to make WW feel the way OM makes her feel...hmm, wich is it bro?

If you really want to get WW back with you then stick with Plan A and come up with some 'out of the box' ways to do it.

When is the next flight you CAN get on?

Can you send her stuff that might show you are thinking of her? Some small nik-naks or something made?

I know when I started making an effort at giving cards for no reason or for important events for her that a difference was made.

I keep flowers on the table all the time now and replace them every week or 2. I know you can't do this but maybe there is something you have not done yet that will work for you.

Sounds to me like things are still in reach for you, you just have to reach in a different way.

We did not get into these messes we find ourselves in over night. Persistant work over time towards bettering ourselves and becoming better relationship partners is what we must do.

Hang in there bro.

o yeah, when things are getting tough I try to remember about Orchid's reverse babble. That usually helps me keep my cool when hearing alien speak.

Give that a try maybe and remember it is not over till it is over.

Sorry. WW doesn't want to be married. I didn't use enough quotes. I want to be married. FOR NOW. I'm flying over on Saturday looks like. DS8 is out of school Monday and Tuesday, so it will work out.

I read through ARKs Plan A explanation again and it helped me. I sometimes don't know how to respond to "I still love OM". I've calmed down now. It's our 10th wedding anniversary tomorrow, so I'm a little spooled about that. I like the little gift thing. I'm good at that. I'll do it. I was thinking of friendship rings (inexpensive) or maybe T-shirts for each of us with our son's pictures on it. I'll get on the next flight and make the best of it.

Deep breaths dude!

It's also VERY important to let her know that ANY contact with the OM is hurtful to you and hte M and you want it to stop.

This is hard to do without LB's, but be very clear about this. It's the guilt that gets to them...don't let her squirm her out of feeling guilty by APPEARING as though this OM talk is OK with you.

Next time she says "It's not an R..."
Say..."Any contact with him is an R."

But keep from getting into an argument with her...if she tries to argue with you "No, it's not an R." Just change the subject...go on to something else...don't engage her. The more she can try to convince you, the more she convinces herself...

If she feels you are OK with the situation, it will be harder for her to talk herself out of continuing it...

Thanks for the update. I was unsure of how to reply without LBing. Don't tell her not to contact LB, just reply how it hurts our relationship and it affects me.

I forget sometimes she may be feeling guilt and making excuses to make herself feeling better.

Focus!!

BTW: With a good plan A she might eventually change her mind about plan D.

Good luck when you see her next.