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Joined: Mar 2005
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Anyone here had an affair in retaliation to your spouses betrayal?
I really feel like it would make me feel better and would like to hear if anyone did this and how it worked out.
PS I know I should not do this but wanted to hear the consequences, ramifications of such an event
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Joined: Jul 2004
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As both a FWS and BS, I would advise you not to do this. Not only will you bring more chaos and hurt into your M but you will feel really lousy about yourself. Why would you risk your own morals and self esteem just to "get back at" your S? The best revenge is living well.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Mar 2005
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yes i know you are right, I just dont know what to do about this desire. It has been there for weeks and I have run over it in my mind over and over. Maybe its less revenge and more wanting to feel wanted again. I dont know.
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Short answer: DON'T DO IT!
It simply isn't worth it and the guilt and other consequences are not worth it. You may want to hurt WS, but in the end, you are the one who will be hurt by it the most.
Me - 42
WH - 37
M - 4 1/2 years; together 9
No Kids
WH - Multiple A's and OC
D-Day - 2/03, 11/30/04
In Recovery
No Weapon formed against me shall prosper!
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Joined: Jan 2002
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It's been years and years ago, but, Yes, I had a revenge A. Here are my thoughts from my experience:
It did not help.
It made me feel like crap.
It brought more chaos and confusion to my life.
It ultimately hurt me more than it hurt my H. I merely added guilt on top of the pain and betrayal I was feeling because of my H's A.
It is forever part of who I am, now. It cannot be erased or un-done. That sucks.
One more thing....don't do it. It ain't worth it.
Lori
VERY HAPPY! FBS/FWS; 47yo; M-29 yrs.; DS-26,DD-21; our affairs: 1990-'96
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Joined: May 2002
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I have week moments where I feel like giving in as do you. I thnk At Peace said it well.
Find other avenues to feel good about yourself: work, hobby, sport, art etc or all of the above.
"Mind over matter" sounds corny but it really is true!
My best,
Mac
The opinions in this post are the sole opinions of cwmac and cwmac alone. Marriage Builders and its officers can not be held resposible for this maniac's opinions.
DDay2 Sept '03. Very tough year but still working on M and making progress.
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Joined: Jun 2004
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Nio's mentioned his fear of me having a revenge A. I can honestly say I have no desire to...but can understand wanting to feel wanted again. That nagging need is a beast - specially close after DDay.
Stay busy Miss M. Not only will it keep you occupied, it'll also keep your spirits up to look at your accomplishments.
Squidges,
Kimmy
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Yep, I considered it. Trouble is, it smacks of the same bulsh*t 'entitlement' that WS use for their affairs to begin with.
Affairs cause hurt , pain and trouble, and I'm sure that why God rules against them.
And right now you feel like a revenge affair, like I did. Now , I have my Squiddy back and I wouldn't hurt her for the world like she hurt me.
MB Alumni
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Joined: Dec 2004
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I had a retaliation ONS, not an affair....and even that was not worth it. It left me feeling empty, and somewhat cheap. I felt no guilt, but it sure didn't help anything...
So as the others have said - don't do it, you will eventually look back on it with regret.
TM
BH (Me) 32,
WW 38
no kids
been together 14.5 yrs.
married 9
D-day 12/5/04
D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out.
Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue
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MM
I had the A seeing how the A left me I can't see how anyone would want top repeat the pain.
H
ME WS
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