Many of you are in relationships that involve domestic violence. I thought I would share
a recent experience I had with my cellular phone company.
My cell phone account is in my name only. My H's name is not on the account. No other
person is authorized to access my account.

Recently, during one of numerous really bad times in our relationship, my H did a bit of investigating
on his own. Not that I had anything to hide other than my own checkbook (that I am not supposed to have)
and some money saved so that someday I can support myself.

He visited a local cellular store and the manager there gave him access to my account.
He was given 6 months worth of info, and was allowed to suspend my account. He was also informed
of my "secret cell phone that I have". Which is bull****. I do not have another account. He knew of the existing
account and knew that it did not expire until May.

Due to the info he was given and various other problems in our marriage he attacked me with this info.
He returned home and I went through 3 hours of emotional and verbal abuse, threats and fear... I did not
deserve this. I did not need this. It was another nail in our marriage's coffin.

When I contacted the cell phone co. about my breach of privacy, they refused to take any responsibility.
The store manager blamed an ex employee. She lied. My H told me she did it for him herself.
I explained to the phone co. about the domestic violence and that they put myself and children in danger.
They did not care. They contacted the guilty store manager and told her everything I said about the violence
ect...She in turn informed my H everything that I told them, that I have been to the domestic violence
office here, that I have already been to an attorney ect....which only made things worse at home.

Just thought I would give a heads up. Beware, your life is not as private and secure as you may think.
Danneill

Anyone know if I would have any recourse against the cell phone company?
They were so wrong to do this. It should never have happened.
Kinda scary to me...when I think of the "what ifs"
What if I would have been hiding from the domestic violence?
What if he were a maniac?
WHat if this happens to a women who does not need to be found in order to protect her or her childrens lives?

This may be optomistic news to a BS..if so, I hope you succeed in getting any info available. Been there, done that. But for abused wives....not good news at all.
Danneill

danneill---im sorry that happened to you...why not call an attorney and ask? i would think their would be some kind of recourse but what the heck do i know.....

You'd first have to have a restraining order on your husband, THEN you could send a police officer out to the cell phone store mgr and let them slap her with a violation of privacy.

I would recommend documenting the verbal abuse with the police and get it on the record. They won't be able to do anything about it right now, but it does start a paper trail of stalking and abuse evidence.

[color:"maroon"] Things have changed since working in the industry then. When I was a senior customer service rep for SWB Wireless (now part of Cingular), the store reps and managers didn't have access to the bills or accounts ...only us. So if there was a question about anything, they would have to call in to us for the info.

By FCC rules, no info should have been given out to anyone not specifically authorized on the account. I ran into this many times whether it was a spouse calling in for a legitimate reasons such us they were the user and the other spouse simply forgot to place them on the account or the salesperson at the time of activation didn't ask. But on the other hand, I had plenty of them calls when the unauthorized spouse was calling to try and "catch" the other spouse. We tried to explain that legally we couldn't release such info and when they argued, we had a brochure that we offered to send them stating the FCC and PUC (Public Utilities Commission) rules on this. I had many people slam the phone down on me. Apparently they didn't appreciate us protecting the customer.[/color]

The most important issue here is are you safe?

how is the home environment now...?

are you moving towards the goal of leaving....

soon I pray...

ark

I explained to the phone co. about the domestic violence and that they put myself and children in danger.

Ok...I'm gonna be a hard [censored] with this.

YOU are putting yourself AND your children in danger by staying there. This is NOT the responsbility of anyone else but YOU. Place it where it belongs.

In CHOOSING to stay there...you are ACCEPTING whatever happens to be dished out.

It matters not if you are getting your ducks in a row. If it was THAT bad you would have left. It just hasn't reached what you consider THAT bad so don't blame someone else if he happens to get ignited.

It isn't anyone's responsibility to protect those children but YOU...nor is it anyone's responsibility to protect you other than YOU...especially when you are choosing to stay there.

There are many avenues that you can take OUT.

~*~*~ Asbestos Suit On ~*~*~

committed

Thank you all for your replies.

Committed.....had I replied when I first read your reply, you may have needed that suit. Thought it best to wait until my feathers smoothed back down..as you did ruffle them...
But you are right about some things...
mainly that yes I am choosing to stay at this time.

Why? Responsibilities. Plain & simple. Sometimes it does not matter how unhappy you are. Responsibilities come first. I have livestock, a business to run and several things that commit me here.

My H is not my only battle.
I have a 17 year old D with a drug problem. I have a 23 year old D with a drug problem. I have the boyfriend of the 23 year old with a psychotic and drug problem. He controls her by threatening to kill her family. Sick huh? Even his mother wants us dead. She's a psycho also. The 23 year old has a D with this jerk boyfriend. One of my main concerns is her. She is almost 2 and a beautiful & delightful child. My first & only grandchild.

My H is obsessed with my D's boyfriend. He turned our younger D onto hard drugs. My H will do anything in his power to see him destoyed,,,even though it cost him his marriage. In his obsession he is destoying everyone around him. Mention the boys name and my H becomes completly out of control. Mix his anger with beer and he can get really ugly.

Anyway...its a long,,,, complicated,,,,, extrememly sad story.

So why am I still here? Because I need the resources I have to try and save my kids and granddaughter....

We are all in counseling...me, to deal with everything & everyone else. IC says I am the ONLY one with their head together. H goes to deal with his anger problems. He can vent there instead of taking it all out on me. He blames me for the choices our D's make and all the problems that D's boyfriend creates.. All my fault,,,,I raised them wrong...ect....

I tried to start divorce papers in Feb. & H became out of control in his anger. Took all the money out of our checking accts, took my name off. Told everyone in our small town that I am a thief. That I stole all of HIS money.(I was smart enough to move HALF the savings into my own acct.),,,but he took ALL $$ in the checkings.

So I couldn't take the heat and his hitting below the belt. I caved, and stopped the divorce. My life & my childrens lives are an open book. We have no privacy. My H tells all to anyone & everyone. He has "big mouth syndrome". I've discussed that in previous posts.

Younger D is in substance abuse IC again. We may be able to send her to inpatient rehab. Will know soon. Her boyfiend problems are contributing to her drug use also.

Older D will go to IC hit and miss. We had her here at home couple weeks ago. Said she hated him, swore she would not go back to him. SHe even filed complaint for domestic violence. He had elbowed her in the stomach and drug her up the stairs. SHe will not file for custody of the baby because the state will chase him for child support. We filed charges for breaking the PPO I have against him. He had come to our house to find my D while we were out of town. The police were called...he was found hiding in own home. He was allowed to leave because I was not here to file charges.

He was later arrested and charged with PPO violation, B & E, illegal entry & trespassing. The dom. violence had not got thru the system yet. He was released on $200 bail. Even after I supplied a tape of him screaming and crying to my D that "you are going to make me kill your family..you come here now...you can't do this to me, I'm going to kill all of them..ect..." And I have his mother stating that she wishes we were all dead also. Now the psycho mother says she is going to take custody of the baby. And my D went back to him again.

Now, the first thing that may come to mind...Wow, these people are all hillbilly trailer trash...uneducated...low life's.....on the contrary..we are pillars of our communities. Substance abuse and domestic violence reaches all.

What a soap opera. WIth all these problems I don't have time to think about H's previous EA which is what brought me to this board 2 years ago.

CPS (child protective services) will do nothing. The baby is not neglected or abused. Parents can use drugs and he can abuse her but they will not remove the child.

I daydream of peace in my life, on my own, and the house I would like to build (my own) on a piece of our land...of finishing college...of being proud of my daughters, of having decent son-in-laws and beautiful grandchildren. But, it's all a dream..isn't it.

Danneill

p.s. The phone acct. My older D had one of my phones. Her worthless boyfriend & his drug buddies took it and ran the bill up skyhigh. When H found out via phone company, I was put through 3 hours of his abusive ranting, rampaging, threatening, accusing ect...So, because I was worried about her driving a piece of crap car (wheel ready to fall off) on the interstate 35 miles to work in the middle of winter and snowstorms, or maybe with the baby in the car....I paid dearly for being worried about them. Big mistake. Show me a mother who would not have done the same. My younger D also ran the bill up calling her drug suppliers and her boyfriend.

Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!