Mmy wh has said he would be over to see the kids and I about 4 times over the past week - and he has a been a no show. He is totally unavailable --I can leave him a vm or a tm and he may reply. That being said -- I know he is still w the ow but when someone confirms it for me the stabbing pain in my heart returns. Which happened to me tonight.

So what do I do -- I first tm the ow with his last tm to me saying how he misses me and loves me. Then I leave him a vm saying I want a D and come get his S%^& don't worry about the big mess of a yard he left me I will have my brother fix it (long story glad to tell is anyone is interested or wait for the autobiography called my screwed up life). Sorry I am being a little cynical.

>>>>Then I tm him saying to check his vm - I want to call it quits, that I know he is still with the ow. Do not come over to F373 me anymore. I hope you 2 are happy the kids miss you but we know were ur priorities are.

And sent it to him and then to her.

I don't want this - I don't know what I want anymore. Single mothering is so hard especially with this mess of a house my wh left me.

What am I doing? I am lonely -- I have no real friends -- i don't go out. I am old and a mom and I will not be able to make ends meet without his help. The lawyer I went to in December totally ate up a $2500 retainer for doing absolutely nothing.

Ok this is mostly a vent post -- thank you for listening.

I'm sorry that things seem so overwhelming right now and that it seems as though everything is just piling up around you. Please remember he is in a FOG right now and no amount of TM or VM is going to make him do anything different than what he wants to do.

I know that being a single mother is so hard, probably the hardest thing to have to deal with in a divorce. You will make it, you can do it.

I understand your lonliness, I feel like an empty shell at times, but you do have friends here that are willing to listen and let you vent as much as you like. You are by no means old, if that were the case then I would be (I am turning 35), and quite frankly I am no where close to being old, 40 is the new 30 and we still have 5 more years to hit that.

Try to get out, get involved with church functions or go to your local library or matinee. Do something for yourself you deserve it.

As far as his seeing you and the kids, it is his loss.

Take care and remember we are here for you

thank you

The dog just woke me up. The kids and I piled into my ds bottom bunk. And I think I am going to squeeze myself back in there. I have been sleeping in my bed alone I think more than with the turd in the past year -- But to night I just don't know if I can go back in there.

Thank you mx8 for your kind response -- if you can do it -- I can do it. I will try to get your strength. I have no idea how after a year of this stuff he can still do this to me. I was getting used to him not being around but now it seems so final.

Can you find a local divorce support group? I was blessed to find one early in my separation and having others who had been through the same thing really helped me a great deal - as did this website.
There is also a kids support group called Rainbows.
www.rainbows.org
The parents usually meet at the same time as the kids.

Even if you don't end up divorced, the support can help you through this difficult time.

Thank you newly. I remember my church that I never visit has rainbows. I think I may take your and Mx8 advice and get back into church and try to find a support group.

Big surprise -- he showed up this morning. Don't know how I feel about that.

tylee