For all those that arent familiar with my sitch, a little background. First found evidence of A in a text message from OM to WW first week of Jan. WW moved out 2/4 to girlfriend's to get space and figure out her feelings. Caught WW at OM's house 2/25. All this while doing plan A. Immediately went into plan B upon confirmation of A. Wife filed for on 3/9. Had first mediation last Wednesday.
I have found out from mutual friends that WW is now spinning the sitch saying that she had been unhappy for the last year in the M and she did not leave me for another man. Classic fog babble to me. There was no mention of unhappiness until after the evidence of the A surfaced.
When I saw WW at mediation, she looked terribly stressed and frankly looked like she was on the edge of a meltdown. And then Sunday, for the first time she shows up at out church we were married at and attended together. I was not at the service she attended but was told she was there by my brother's wife who saw her and spoke to her briefly.
Combining the spin (fog), and the fact that she has sought out the word of God, I am wondering if the spin is her way of trying to lay groundwork for a reconciliation? I wonder if in her mind, the denial of leaving for another man, would make it easier for me to accept her back? The spin, in and of itself, would just be fog babble and I know that. But, combining that with her appearance in church, makes me wonder where she is mentally with all this. Am I wrong for mixing these two elements or does it fit together? I am sitting her wondering if God is starting to work on her. Frankly, I almost wish I did not know she was back in church.

talking,,,,mediation....info from sister etc..

none of this is plan B...
and infact going in to plan B upon disclosure of affair is not really plan b either...that's withdrawal..

did you write a real plan b letter..
have you ever plan a'd?

ARK^^

Ark,
talking? I have had no conversation with her since I gave her plan b letter.
mediation - This was done at the courthouse with my atty, her atty and she and I. It was in regards to temporary orders and or permanent settlement. My atty gave her a proposal for settlement. This is part of the process, as she has filed for D.
info from sister? - no, my sister-in-law (by marriage to MY brother) saw her at church.
And yes, I did plan A. Even after she moved out. Didnt start plan B until she spent the night at OM's house and said she wanted a D. And yes, wrote the plan b letter and sent copies to her parents, her brother, and our two closest mutual friends for exposure. Clearly detailed the conditions for her return. Conditions, to my knowledge, she has failed to meet. Any input on what her present actions might mean is what I am looking for. J

sorry crushedin..
these new boards have me all discombobulated...

Don't let her state of mind...or irratic actions get to you ....

don't let yourself worry about them...

it is her actions you are waiting to see....
as clearly defined in your plan b...

don't try to figure out where she is mentally in all this..but have no doubt she is in crisis..with herself...

it attempt to live at great conflict in what we want to believe about ourselves ...and few if any people don't want to be honest and more importantly have others view us a honest person....

when our lives reach a point where we have to spend energy explaining and attempting to prove things through words...

ie the villification of you in the marriage AS IF that somehow justifies/excuses/explains affair behavior...

she will grow weary..and she herself knows the words she speaks are untrue....

it is good that she seeks quiet time in a church..
she needs to do that ...

she probably doesn't sleep well..hard to sleep well when you don't like the person you are sleeping with..
harder still when that person is yourself...

be good to yourself...
move in the freedom of the chaos ...not towards it..

sorry again about the confusion..

ARK^^

No prob Ark! Good advice. Found out from a mutual friend that her atty told her to accept my offer for settlement. She thinks she deserves more than the fair offer I have made and is unlikely to take it at this point. I also found out that the OM was paid a minimum of a $1,000.00 bonus for his part in referring and recruiting her to their place of employment. She has three options before her right now, she can reconcile and try and repair the damage done to the marriage. She can accept my offer and we can both get on with our lives separately. She can choose to fight and risk all (job, career, personal relationships). Choice is hers.

I kinda feel like a loser replying to my own thread but I felt a need to update. I went to my bible study class last night and had a long conversation with my pastor in regards to my WW showing up at church this past Sunday. It was strange enough to me to know that she showed up for the 11am service, knowing that I would be coming out of the 9:45 service. Well, my pastor told me she showed up at exactly 10:45 forgetting about the time change. She actually meant to show up at the service I attend! She ended up sticking around for the 11am service. My pastor didnt volunteer any details about conversation with her other than the time change thing, and I didnt ask due to confidentiality issues. Anyway, I reiterated to him my desire for reconciliation in case she sought him out for counseling. Who knows what she was thinking showing up like that. It is obvious to me she was seeking to see me and possibly have a conversation. What she wanted to talk about I can only speculate. I think it is likely she wanted to discuss the proposal my atty and I gave her for settlement. I know she is not happy about the proposal, despite the fact that her atty recommended she accept it. There is also the possibility that the reality of the consequences of her actions are setting in. I know, I know, its impossible to read the minds of these conflicted, fogged WS's. It is really messing with me. I dont know what to do. I am inclined to discuss the settlement proposal with my atty. I am thinking that at some point we inform them that the sun sets on my current proposal at the end of the day. At that point, we start taking things I have offered off the table. In my sports career, I have seen this type of negotiation be very successful. Any thoughts?

I think it is awesome she should up to Church & on top of that went to two serices. How long can you wait before you make a decision about the settlement? If you just wait with time maybe she will come around? Maybe it is possible you two can still work things out.

Stormy,
It is awesome that she showed up to church. I just hope she showed up to hear the word of God and not for some other reason. By the way, she missed the 9:45 service that she intended to show up for because of daylight savings time, but she stuck around for the 11am service. How long can I wait on a decision about the settlement? I dont know. I guess as long as necessary. What I really want though is not a divorce but an attempt at reconciliation. I wonder what the best strategy is under these circumstances? Should I start taking things off the table? Will this help the fog lift sooner? Or should I just be still in the Lord and let him work whatever his will is? I dont know. I just know that this is taking its toll on me emotionally. I want reconciliation or I want settlement to come quickly. I am growing weary of this.