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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 56
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 56 |
I've been in Plan B for the past 3 weeks and my WH is trying to sabotage my attempts at NC.
He called last week to make changes to financial arrangements and left a long letter for me. He doesn't understand why I asked him to move out and he even said why I didn't just leave. Anyway, we cleared the finances up with a short phone call. I did tell him I loved him.
Then yesterday, he called again to say hi. He said I'm trying to forget him and move on. He doesn't understand why we can't just go back to the way we were during Plan A since he is working on himself. He said I was just emotional when I wrote my Plan B letter.
I basically reiterated everything from the letter. I told him that I missed him and this whole situation has been hard on me. I asked him to respect my decision to separate like this and that I was not trying to move on. I told him that I couldn't continue with the lies and sneaking around with OW and that kept me distracted from working on real issues and the humiliation it brought me. I told him I wasn't ready to be with him again until he could verify NC with OW.
Did I mess up my Plan B?
Me (25 - BW)
Him (34 - WH)
Married (3.5 yrs)
D-Day (11/18/2004)
Plan A (12/15/2004 - 3/21/2005)
Plan B (3/21/2005 - )
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 811
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 811 |
Sounds like you're right on track. You are supposed to avoid contact and maintain separation. Clarifying your position does not seem to violate that Plan B.
It's hard to be strong sometimes. But you need to respect yourself if he refuses to respect you.
SIS
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Me 41
WS 39
DS 19, DS 9
DDay 2/25/05
Divorcing....
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
You did not "mess up" you relaxed your boundary for just a moment.
How far back emotionally did this brief contact set you?
If he contacts you again .... do not discuss your feelings for him. Or any other relationship issues for that matter.
Ask one question... "Are you ready to meet my requirements for re-entering my life?"
If he says anything other than "Absolutely yes" .... say to him "Do not call me until you are ready to meet my requirements. Goodbye." Hang up.
You saying "I love you" ... during plan B is just enough wifely attention to keep him involved with OW.
Do not answer any of his questions such as "Are you moving on?" .... Just revert back to the broken record "Are you ready to meet my requirements?"
Plan B is to protect you and save what is left of the love you have for your WH.
The little contacts from him are counter-productive to your goal.
Hang in there. You';re doing great.
Pep
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