Do you guys think that alcohol is just an excuse for making bad decisions. Just because someone is drunk, does that mean that they are supposed to be forgiven based on that circumstance alone.

My wife had sex with my bf and his wife while I was sleep ( passed out ) on the floor only 5-6 feet away from them. I can not seem to find it in my heart to forgive her, and it happened three months ago. I really don't think I ever will. She knew how I felt about that kind of stuff, and I said to her very plainly that I did not want that for our marriage.

She really has not been able to come up with a reason why, besides the alcohol and a fantasy she had. Is alcohol that powerful that you would disrespect your husband when he is only feet away sleeping? Don't get me wrong, I know that I am responsible for this situation also. I should not have allowed my marriage to be in the situation we were in, and I know I will never forgive myself either.

She is terribly sorry and cries almost every day with me. Though I know she is remorseful, even that has not allowed me to forgive her.

I remember that night, I woke up for a minute and heard heavy breathing coming from over there, but could not wake up. I feel so bad about myself. What a pathetic husband and protector I am. And even though I am responsible, I still cannot forgive her. Can you imagine hearing your wife moaning from pleasure given to her by another man? How can I ever get past that. I am thinking about divorce. I truly think that I will die though being without my son. I feel trapped!

NO

You are going to spend a lot of energy not forgiving her and not forgiving yourself.

Do you think there might be a more useful way to spend your energies?

Like counseling maybe?

Pep

Destroyed Man,

I think we've firmly established over the past couple of months that you are never going to forgive yourself and your never going to forgive your friend and your never going to forgive your wife. So what is there left to do? If you truly are incapable of forgiving these people, then seriously dude, divorce her and move on.

If that's not the course of action you want to take then what action have you taken? Are you in IC or MC? Have you read books on forgiveness? Did you buy your family a bible to replace the one you tore up? What actions are you taking?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. At some point you're going to have to take action to move past this in whatever direction you decide to go.