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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 444
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 444 |
How did you do it? I have been in a very good plan B for nearly 6 weeks now. No contact with WW at all. I am not going to contatc her but I really would like too. WW spoke with my DD who is 28 this weekend. The reason I know this is DD told me that WW had been asking about. I told DD that she shouldn't put her in the middle of this and that we were not going to talk about WW or the situation. My brain says maintain Plan B but my heart is wanting some contact. How did you cope?
D-Day 5-22-04
BS(me) 52
WS 49
Divorced 7-26-06
3 adult children (28, 25 &18)
5 year A
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903 |
Remember the purpose of Plan B is not to manipulate the Ws, or to get some reaction, but for YOU. It is to preserve what love you have left.
Be like a warrior preserving that love from any attack. The attack to that love will come in the form of contact with your WW. Be like one of those Buckingham Palace guards, silent, stoic, but with a LARGE lance ready to stop the contact at the gate.
Your heart is feeling the addiction to her love, your fear you are losing her.
There may be opportunities that you throw a life preserver out to her, but not right now...she'd throw it back...or worse, pull you in with her.
Just wait.
Preserve what love you have left for the A to die a NATURAL death.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 421
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 421 |
HINC, I was in Plan B twice and the experts say that you need that time to preserve the love you have left...I can say it is really true. Tell yourself you are staying dark to preserve the love you have left....remember when you talked with her how it would drain your LB$. You are doing great with 6 weeks and can keep going. How about planning a trip or taking up a new hobby or class? I have been volunteering my time and it makes me feel great. Stay strong HINC....keep up the good work...:)
BS/me: 65
FWH: 75
Together: 36 years, no kids
D-day: 3/04
Plan A: 7 mos. Plan B #1 & #2
Recovery:11/04
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661 |
I'm proud of you! Keep it up! Live your life. You can still love her, but focus on yourself - hobbies, work, kids, exercise, etc. She's out of your hands - assuming you left with her the best impression of you - the best Plan A possible - so feel good and try not to worry!
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
I would strongly echo Stillmaking post. I am now into week 52, yes 52 of Plan B. Except for passing my WW on the street, I have seen her one time in the last 6 months for a business meeting. The difficult part is not having your friends run to you and tell you of any sightings that they have. Evidently she has gone on to at least one possibly two OM. Every time I hear of that happening it still hurts deeply, so as per Plan B I try to stop ALL news from getting to me. My friends are honoring my requests and it happens less frequently.
What gives me strength is a post I quote often "If you (the BS) can not maintain NC during Plan B with your WS how can you expect your WS to maintain NC with the OP". Wise words to live by.
The mantra of Plan B in my opinion.
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,995
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,995 |
Plan B is very hard. I promise it will get easier as they have already told you. It won't be long and you will only be thinking of yourself.
Keep your head up high and know that you deserve so much more!
HINY
BS, Me, 43
FWH, 40
M 14 yrs, together 17
1 S 11,1 DD 1st M 19
Dday 11/1/03
Recovery started Sept '04
Recovered
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 444
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 444 |
Cymanca - good advice. I will let my friends and family know that I don't want updates on her. HopefulinNY - I do deserve so much more.
In the mean time I will go on with my life.
D-Day 5-22-04
BS(me) 52
WS 49
Divorced 7-26-06
3 adult children (28, 25 &18)
5 year A
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