I was planning to meet with my WH's friend today but he sent me an email saying he did not want to me... Here's what is says



I am trying to get his friend to talk to my WH because my WH is only talking to the OW about our problems. I am also trying to get my WH to go to counselling so we can work out our differences but he doesn't think it will help.

Can some help me figure out what to say so that he will listen to me or at least talk to my WH? Please hurry, I need to reply soon.

So much for this "friend." What a hypocrit, huh?

I suggest you not waste any more time on him and seek all other exposure options. In a way, exposure to him has succeeded. He knows. He apparently disagrees with your H's behavior. He may decide not to associate with him, either. It's just too bad he's a hypocrit. In effect he's saying that if HE had an affair and your H knew, that he'd expect your H to not invade his "privacy." And he's advising you to seek a Christian counselor? (Where's the "rolleyes" face?)

WAT

Is this friend married? Perhaps he just feels that it would be a violation of his own wedding boundaries to have a talk of this nature.

I don't know what to tell you to do, other than find a objective, unrelated person to whom you both could speak to iron out the issues you guys are facing.

I recommend you find a Christian counselor and get [WH] to join you. The issues you both face are nothing like the issues your baby will face as she grows up, if you don't take things in hand and seek professional counselling.
You are not asking his advice (and you should NOT ask his advice).

It sounds as if he already knows what's going on anyway.

Reply to his email & just make it a simple statement.
"I just wanted you to know h is having an affair with ms. x.
I'm not seeking any advice from you.
Since you are his friend, I thought it was important you know this."

I totally agree with Chris and the email reply should be verbatim. (or verbatum..or whatever)

k

Oh my goodness... I've been trying to reply all day yesterday and I just figured out how to do it. Everytime I logged in and tried to click on a link it would say the page was not available.

Well, Thanks worthatry, Dobie, Chris and krusht for the replies. I did email him back and he told me that he knew he was talking to her and advised him not to. He also gave my WH a reference to a counselor but my WH never mentioned it to me. I guess he's done all he could.

I also spoke to my MIL again about the situation and she is going to have a talk to my WH. She has also mentioned it to my BIL. However, I think the damage is done. I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will make him come out of the FOG.

My WH plans to move out of the house soon so I need to get everything together for my atty. I wonder if he can pay for my attorney fees.

Well, I will continue plan A until he moves out then give him the plan B letter once he is out. Does that sound like a good plan?

At this point, why do you need an attorey?

Yes it does.
Make sure you post the Plan B letter for review BEFORE you send it.

Hi Chris... I need an attorney so we can draft our separation agreement. Since he is moving out he plans to pay his share of the household expenses so I need to make sure this is put in the agreement. I cannot pay the bills on my own since it requires two incomes to live in this area.

I think it's wise to get a legal separation if the WS moves out. Very wise. If for no other reason, the separation document can ensure the WS can't willy nilly move right back in upon receipt of the Plan B letter.

Mahal - make sure this aspect is covered - you maintain control of the home and can deny access to your H as soon as his belongings are removed. DO NOT leave the door open if you plan to go to Plan B. Understand?

Regarding Plan B - make sure you have accomplished everything in Plan A to imporove yourself AND make sure these improvements have been demonstrated to your H to the extent he'll allow. THEN go to Plan B (after posting your letter for comments) as soon as the separation is a done deal. At that point, you gain control and YOU dictate if reconciliation can begin.

WAT

Thanks worthatry... my WH wants to have the separation agreement filed before he moves out. I hope he can get most of his stuff out of the house. If not, I have 2 roommates that can stay in the house if he needs something.

One question... can he come in and out of the house if he still owns it?

In the separation agreement we will say that the house will not be sold until August '06 for tax purposes. Now I am exploring the option to refinance, buy my WH out and keep the house. But this will be tough since the mortgage will be half my salary.

Here are the text messages on my WH's cell phone...

- I only want you to be happy
- Y don't u think about what I said n call me either before or after golf, I love u
- Fine but don't blow me off n it better b more than 10, I do love u just want u to b happy

This is the first time I have seen messages that says "i love u" in it. Does this sound like someone who is "just friends" with my WH or is it more than that. My WH doesn't even know what the messages mean... but I'm sure he is hiding more.

My WH has found a place to stay and will be out soon. He was referred by the OW's stepmom of this room available in the townhouse. My WH says there are 2 other divorced/divorcing men in the house. How weird?!?!