Our Counselor (Pasture) told us he wants us to start wearing our Wedding Rings. I told him the vows that they represent mean nothing and I can't see the point. I have YET to put it back on.

he said we are still married. They came off on D-day 3/10/05 and have not been on since. (I tore his off his finger & now it will not go back on. -- He tried about a week ago.)

Who is wearing their Wedding Ring? single choice
	Both
	Neither
	Betrayed Spouse
	Wayward Spouse
Votes accepted starting: 04/06/05 02:52 PM
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I felt it represents my willingness to put 100% back into the marriage and shows my committment.

Either you are married or you are not married, for better or for worse, yada, yada.
I kept mine on until the day after the divrce was final.

That ring thing - let me tell you. I read a post from Ktulu about rings on one of the very worst days.It reminded me that I had taken off my ring on D-day.

I had to go do some TV for a business thing in London and my FWW found out I sent proof of PA to OM GF on the same day. She was absolutely ACID, hateful, vicious, telling me by phone she was packing and moving out and leaving the country with the kids and OM and all kinds of stuff. I had to keep calm and put my business head on for bloomberg ...

I got home she was EVIL. I checked my mail & this board and read Ktulu's post about the significance of her wedding band. I went straight to our bedroom and put on my wedding ring.

FWW noticed it the very next day in th emiddle of her worst and most terrible spite towards me and the kids.
" What the h3ll u wearing that for ? Our Marriage is down the pan !"

I replied calmly : "I don't need your permission to wear it. I promised God and you I'd wear it for better or worse. Well, this is 'worse' but my promise to God and you still stands. I want to be married to you. I want to do all I can to stay happily married to you, despite my hurt. Until the LAST MINUTE that there is hope that we can rescue our M I will wear the ring you gave me before God."

She ran upstairs and cried loudly for a long time. I took the kids bowling...

That was the peak of the hatred and fog. She mentioned since that it was very touching for her to see me wearing her ring when she felt so undeserving of it. And it also accused her.

I won't take it off again till I'm dead or divorced.

Now in recovery, Squid had tried to put on her wedding band. (a sports injury meant it hadn't fitted her for a year or more).

The story of what I did is HERE .

Do as you see fit with your wedding bands. You can see that ours were very significant indeed. All blessings

This expresses my feelings exactly! WH hasn't noticed that I am still wearing my ring, but wear it I do.

WH hasn't noticed that I am still wearing my ring, but wear it I do.
I bet he has. I BET he has....

I think I probably took mine off a few times in anger. FWH had his affair when he was overseas working almost 3 years agon. Last year as a family we traveled to this country for a wedding (XOW brothers wedding)whilst there he bought me an enternity ring to show me he only wants me for eternity and no one else. Hopeful that is what happens <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I met XOW when I was over there she actually tried my wedding rings on.... weird!!!!

I met XOW when I was over there she actually tried my wedding rings on.... weird!!!!
What?!?!?
Why in the world would you let her do that?

To be honest I cant fully remember how... I think we were all sitting at a table at her brothers wedding and I was talking to other people about rings XOW asked me if she could look at my rings I took them off and handed them to her... next minute I remember looking around seeing them on her finger thinking "what a cheek" anyway it is not really a big deal now I told H about it laughingly saying she was just sizing them up to see what they looked like on her. They are white gold and she only likes yellow gold anyway so I think they are safe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> They arent my original rings anyway I lost those when eldest son was born from taking them on and off washing diapers. But they still have meaning to me.

Um, why did you go to the wedding of the XOW's brother? I'm cornfused...

We never took ours off. If I would have went to Plan B, I would have took mine off. I wondered why he never took his off. It must have been weird for the OW. He probably never even thought of it.

Wow this seems all so long ago its hard to even get back to that feeling of what is was like before I met her and how scared? upset? worried? angry? I guess I am the sort of person that does not want to hide from things and I wanted to meet her and tackle it head on.. I think her brother and his bride was a bit nervous how it would go if we met on the night of the wedding but we met a few days before the wedding. I am glad I went through all of that I would do it again regardless of the pain it caused me. We had honest conversations I got my appology I wanted and she got to see first hand what a wonderful family/marriage she almost destroyed I doubt she will ever do something like this again. She is now not a thorn in my side and I can get on with my life and put it behind us.

I am so confused. Questioning all the things I have said in the past few days whether I have said too much, the wrong things, now the rings. I am worried I did the wrong thing but it was out of desperation. He has been back and forth, I love you will never leave, and hours later I am not sure this is right. I dont want to hurt either of you. I do not want to lose you. ETC. Well after yesterday when he said he made his choice and called her and told her he had to stop seeing her, this morning he says to me that he cant figure out whats wrong with him. Why he is having so much trouble with breaking it off with the OP. He said he needs to think. He even said he doesnt understand whats wrong with him, like he has a brain tumor or something. He is confused but after reading here, I understand. HOWEVER back to the rings......he went to his MOMS for a couple of days to think. Well I made him take my rings, both, with him. (in my head this is a reminder of me since he has been spending so much time with her I am afraid all memories are of the past few months with her and not our 15 years together we share) SO now I have taken off my rings. Telling him to bring them back to me and either make my day and put them back on or at least have the decency to give them back and break it off in person. I pray this doesnt project the image of me giving up on the relationship because I took off the rings.....still praying that GOD will help. Right now I dont know where do go or do since he isnt here right now. Has anyone won their spouse back after they have taken time to think! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR HELP

I took mine off for a brief period stating "If my You my Wife can swear before God and to Me again that you will remain faithful then I would put my ring back on!"
She did rather swear our vow again quite quickly.
My Wife stated she did remove her ring several times during the affair which did hurt a bit because it substantiated her knowing of wrong doing.

SM

Sorry kiddo. The wedding ring is more than just jewelry.

My wife fooled around with another man... barely. She's divorcing me. I can't control her actions, but I can control mine. I made a committment to her before God and our friends. It's not leaving my finger until "the gavel falls"

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

i took mine off the night i found out.

i even texted my husband a few weeks later to tell him that i got hit on and it must have been because i didnt have my rings on. he asked why i hadnt put them back on, since he had made his decision to continue our marriage.

i told him that our wedding rings were a sign of our commitment to each other and that as long as he still had not broken it off with HER, he was not committed to me.

after he broke it off with her... he got down on both knees and put my rings back on my finger. he then told me he "chooses me" i told him, "no, you should not have ever put me, or yourself in a situation for you to have to choose, what you have done is righted a wrong"

I'm the WS and my BS took hers off on D-Day, 6 days ago. It's devastating to me. I don't know what she says to people that ask her where her ring is, if people notice things like that and ask questions like that. I'd give anything to have her put it back on......

ask her what it will take to put them back on. and then try your hardest to make sure she realizes you are doing everything you asked in order to make her comfortable and happy again.

I took my wedding ring off when I found out and don't think I can ever put it back on. If we save our marriage (which I want) I think I want my husband to get me a new ring. This is my reasoning. Everything that my marriage ring represented has been destroyed. If he gives me a new one, we are starting over and he is recommiting himself to me.
This is just my thought. I don't know if I am right or wrong. I know that my husband takes his on and off. There are days I see him wearing it and days I don't see him wearing it. When I asked him he told me he does not wear it because I don't wear mine. I responded that I did not shatter the wedding vows he did and then I told him why I did not wear my ring. I think if he really wants to put the marriage back he should wear his ring.

I took mine off on d-day. I felt like our entire M was a lie, thus the symbol of it was useless. I put it back on when I made the decision that we were going to make this work. He had convinced me that he would do WHATEVER it took, and I decided I would too. On went the ring. Like the first reply said....it was a symbol of my committment to make it work. (It was very healing to put it back on. The emotion I felt would not have occured had I never taken it off.)

Lindsay