Thanks Pep, I think you are right about my plan A. He said last night I have been so wonderful and understanding. Said I am a better person than him. As far as exposing, I have fought with this a long time, should I expose to OW's family and her job? I have exposed to WH's family. What about his job?
Thanks for checking on me Mimi, I went home last night and WH had even called my cell because I was 10 min. late. (guess he was worried, did say later that he knows I prob. didnt even want to come home) WH had dinner all made and when I walked in he came over and hugged and kissed me and was acting like nothing happened, putting food on the plates. I said to him, we have to talk, I need to get this big elephant out of my living area. He said ok, sat down at the kitchen bar, I had made copies of MB thread on what a WS/Bs need to do to reconcile and also thread on quick guide to withdrawal. I said to him, ok what happened? Did we have a slip up? If so lets talk about it and decide what we are going to to about it. What is your plan? He said I know you need a plan, I said No, WE need a plan. I asked him if he even wanted do NC. He said Yes and I have seriously tried not to dissapoint you. Said he went 2 wks and Tues. he was so frantic and beside himself. I said why didnt you call me? He said I did. Said he wanted to call her alot of times and kept from doing it. I read him the pages of withdrawal, and he said I see alot of what I am going thru in that. Said that when he talked to her it felt like a shot of morphine and he was happy, but then he felt bad because he knew it would hurt me. He said I want to call her right now! This is a new step, small I know but new. He has never told me how he felt. I asked him if he wanted to leave, he said No, said he feels like he is losing his mind, cant concentrate at work, thinks about me, thinks about what hes doing, says you dont know how many times I just want to throw up my hands and just run away from everything! Said he wants it to stop and knows it cannot continue. I asked him about blocking her email, which he said last time (3 wks ago) he did. He said he unblocked it this week. When he said I have been so understanding and that I was better than him, said he couldnt do it, he thinks I have lost my mind too because I am still putting up with him, I told him the only reason I am holding on by a thread is because of him telling me that he wants to stop this and is not giving me attitude at all, or I would be throwing his stuff out the door. So I said we need to do another NC letter. He said to myself! I asked what he meant and asked has she honored that on her end, he thought awhile and said No. I then said to him, I know I will get 2x4'd for this one, lol, but I had to be me,
Ok WH, the way I see it you have a couple of options...another being, I have been counting the months and isnt it prob. about time for you to go see OW to get your "fix"? He said "I am fighting that and what would that solve?" I said well you can go see her and I will go out and get me a hookup. He said, for all I know you prob. already have someone in mind. I said not yet but do have options. He said you shouldnt even have options. I said oh yes, WH like you said to me I am a beautiful woman. Told him that just a couple of weeks ago a man came into my work and while talking asked me if I was married, I told him I'm not sure, my husband is having an affair! WH said "I am not having an affair!" I said ok, so your telling me that emailing and calling another woman telling her you miss her and love her is not an affair? So if I email and call another man stating these things its ok? He said your right, I'm wrong. Said he would miss me too but I am not gone. I said ok so we are back into NC then right? He said Yes. I asked him what can I do to help, he said just hold me.
Then we ended the discussion and he said I'm going to go feed the dogs and I'll be back, just wanted to warn you. I said ok, I havent changed the locks yet! He came back in and said You would change the locks and lock me out of my own house? I said yes and throw your stuff out in the yard. He said I'll tell you what if that happens I will never say I do again and came over to hug me and said you would do that? I said you know I still have to protect my love for you! He said I can understand that.
We started to eat and of course I could not, and he was looking at me and said I know you cant eat can you? Guess I've messed things up again. I said we wont discuss that, lets just move ahead. Went to bed and a commercial came on about some other land and I said lets move. He said WHAT, you wouldnt leave this place, I said thats questionable these days. He said why? I said too many bad memories and not special anymore.He said that doesnt sound good. Then I started crying and told him I dont understand how he could let OW torment me like she has and still think shes so wonderful, when he's got the proof of how cruel she has been! That I could never do that to anyone.He said he guesses he just hasnt thought about it that way and I am right it is unacceptable. I said you are supposed to protect me, you promised and he said you are right and I am going to take care of it! He held me and comforted me,kissing my hand and saying he is sorry. This was hard for me because I dont normally let him see or know that I am hurt.
He woke this morning and actions were completely different than usual. He held me and we talked about his work.
Ok Pep and Mimi, I do feel like we made a small step,what do you think? and what do I do now?
