<BR>Hi Everyone!!!<P>In addition to all the relationship pain learning and growing that I am currently in the midst of, I have also been working on some writing skills and ideas for some additional income.<P>I have been developing different things, one of which is an idea for a local newspaper column.<P>Here's is a draft of the intro. column and a partially completed regular piece.<P>I need some opinions, honest and open!!! This is something that I believe strongly in and want to make sure that I get it right!!<P>Some concerns of mine are:<BR>Is this a column that you would like to read and perhaps interact with? Is it written in clear and concise language? For the average person? Do you experience a few different emotions from reading it (ie: understanding, humor, thought provoking, nostalgia)?<P>Thanks to you all in advance!!<P>The name of the column is: WHY??<P>As you go about your daily routine, how many times do you think that you ask the question WHY? I'm sure it is quite often and you probably don't even realize it. For example:<P>WHY did I get out of bed this morning?<P>WHY are my taxes so high?<P>WHY is that idiot driving so slow?<P>WHY won't the baby stop crying?<P>WHY can't they balance the budget?<P>WHY do I pay for cable when there's nothing good on?<P>WHY??....WHY??....WHY??....<P>People are always asking themselves - and occassionally others - the WHY questions which, when looking at the definition of WHY, should indicate that people are very inquisitive and open to learning. <P>Unfortunately, few of these WHY questions are ever satisfactorily answered - or even discussed - leaving the questioner with a dose of frustration for every WHY that is left without explanation. The frustration builds to a point when the WHY's become angry statements that no longer resemble the innocent questions they originally were. <P>It's a natural progression that has gone unaddressed in our society - think of a child and how they go through the WHY stage: Why is the sky blue? Why do I have to go to bed? WHY is this?....WHY is that? Sometimes, explanations are given to the child, sometimes "because I said so" is the response, worse yet is the "Hush" or "that's enough" answers.<P>The evasive responses aren't intended to frustrate the child, they result more from the frustrations of the person being asked the questions - who is either too busy or to brain-weary to think of the answers. <P>Perhaps they asked the same questions in their youth and were never given an explanation either!! This combined with the ever-increasing pressures we deal with on a daily basis don't leave much time or inclination to do much about WHY questions.<P>What I'd like to do with this column is to address the WHY's in life and help people to bring them back to their defined meaning of inquisitiveness and an indication of a willingness to learn. Perhaps the mere fact that others ask the same questions you do will make you feel better!<P>All sorts of subjects will be touched upon. I hope to convey my feelings as well as yours, possibly come up with explanations and, if it's a negative topic - stategize some changes to make it a positive for society.<P>Of course, it won't be very effective without your input. I encourage you to aid me in easing those little doses of frustration each of us has built up inside by cutting out the column, showing it to friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers, etc. and start talking about the WHY's in our lives. Also, send in your WHY questions, Topic Suggestions, Opinions, Explanations and Experiences (WHY don't people take the time to write anymore??). Your voice counts and through discussion and positive actions we can release some of the stresses of our society and maybe even bring about some long overdue changes needed in this wonderful country of ours!!<P>Some of the WHY's we'll discuss deal with: School System, Justice System, Children, Media & Press, Peer Pressure, Marriage, Common Sense, Cars, Cigarettes, Fads, Alcohol, Gun Control, Respect and much, much more...Oh, and of course, we could go on for years with WHY questions dealing with Politics!!<BR>-----------------------<P>Everyone still awake? OK - Here's a rough first draft of the first WHY question column - it's not completed but you'll get the gyst.....<P>WHY #1 - WHY does an individual's responsibility for themselves seem to be disappearing from our society?<P>When I was growing up, I was taught that there were no excuses when you did something wrong. You admitted it and faced the music! There may have been a reason for why you did it, but that didn't release you from the responsibility of your actions. This was not just my parent's rule or view, it was that of society in general. The neighbors expected it, the teachers expected it, your friends expected it and you expected it!<BR>Maybe it had to do with pride in yourself and a sense of right and wrong? <P>The biggest humiliation was to be caught lying or doing something wrong by a neighbor or stranger. That was worse than getting caught by a parent - probably because you not only caused yourself to look bad, but they might look unfavorably upon your family as well. <P>Apologies were readily given and heartfelt - even if they were sometimes only produced out of fear rather than an understandin of the distress you had caused the recipient of your words or actions. Yardwork, Housework, Babysitting or Errands were the usual offerings to the wronged person in an attempt to redeem yourself and your family's reputation.<P>Don't get me wrong - we weren't angels! Families had problems, children tested their boundaries, but there was a guilt factor that was always in the forefront of your mind.<P>Do you see this "expected" behavior nowadays? If it's out there (and I believe it is), it's been pushed out of the societal "expected" by a "take what you can" and "Make life easy on yourself" attitude. There seems to be a stigma that being respectful and polite will enable others to "walk all over you". Or is it more of a self centeredness that is becoming prevalent. Surely, respect has not been pushed aside so far that people think that they can do whatever they please. Maybe it is more indifference than it is disrespect.<P>Look around the next time your out and about. Some people walk with their heads down, some run around scared to death of everyone an everything, some stomp by you with anger on their faces, some are so confused that you wonder how they know where they are going! Who's bumping into you because they are rushing, who's holding you up because they are absorbed with their cell phone conversation. And then there are the children.....<BR> <BR>I was driving down a main road the other day, and about thirty-five feet away from an intersection with stop signs and crosswalks. From my right, a child walked directly into my path, luckily I was slowing for the stop sign and was able to brake effectively enough to avoid hitting the boy. He looked to be about 10 or 11 years old. My heart was pounding at the near miss of a tragedy and this child turned to me, flipped me his middle finger and proceeded to saunter diagonally across the road making sure to block all traffic. <P>As you probably can imagine, after having such a scare, my first reaction was anger and I wanted to grab that boy and take him right home to his parents. Of course, you can't do that nowadays, so I restrained myself. <BR>It continued to gnaw at me throughout the day and I started to ask myself WHY that boy would behave in such a manner. He didn't use the crosswalk, didn't look for oncoming traffic, used an obscene gesture and antagonized others intentionally by sauntering the rest of the way across the road. WHY would he do that? Perhaps because there would be no consequences to those actions? It seems that more and more children are displaying attitudes of disrespect and indifference towards others. WHY?<P>When did pride and right and wrong slip out of the number one societal spot? I grew up in the sixties and seventies and it was still prevalent, at least in my little corner of the world. Even the so-called "bad kids" would hang their heads in shame when caught. That didn't mean they would change their ways, but they didn't show attitude or disrespect when confronted by an adult. Although they would try to wiggle out of the situation, they really didn't expect that excuses would negate their responsibility and take away the consequences of their actions.<P>So why have things changed so much in what is actually a short period of time?<P>---------------------<P>OK - that's what I've gotten done so far...I have a lot of Q's started but would like opinions on my approach and style.<P>THANKS AGAIN !!!<P>HUGS,<P>SHEBA <p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited September 23, 1999).]

Sheba,<P>This IS thought provoking, but leaves me frustrated - because I want a solution to the problem! HA!<P>This is good! Keep it up! <P>Maybe you can answer the question:<P>Why don't we know our neighbors in a metropolitan area, like we know our neighbors in a small town?

Believe it or not, I'm not much into reading columns in newspapers...rarely care what others think about a subject.<P>Obviously this forum does not fall into that catagory to me.<P>I like politics, actually more from a "consumer behavior/marketing" standpoint which I find facinating.<P>So I'm not the best judge, but what you wrote sounds good to me...well thought out and well written.<P>What I really like is that you are taking initiative in the midst of your pain. That's character and you should GO FOR IT!<P>Dazed may be your best critic here.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Sheba - Grear ideas!<P>I'd like to contribute the following Q:<P>What is it about the universe we live in that makes us have to go through relationship hell the way we seem to have to?<P>And an addendum. I am NOT going EVER going to do this again unless it is "perfectly clear" (thanks RN) that I WILL NOT EVER put up with what I've gone through in my 2nd marriage! OK, universe! I KNOW this is supposed to be a "learning experince"! I live on School Street, got married on College Ave.! Enough already! I GET the freaking idea!<P>Regards and (mixed) blessings,<P>--Wex

Thanks for taking the time on this for me - I appreciate it!!<P>TNT - Yes, I know the frustrated feeling and that is why I said that it is not finished yet. Also I like your question!! That's a good one for either a fast paced existance and/or fear!!<P>I am not sure whether I should try to voice a solution or leave it ending with optional questions and let the reader conclude!!!<P>What do you all think is the best way to go with it? <P>FHL - What do you mean by "consumer behavior/marketing"? Is that like polls and/or blindly jumping on the band wagon?<P>Thanks for the initiative comment.....I actually formulated the concept and original intro. column last year!! I just wrote some topic notes at the time and then dropped it when a lot of other things started happening.<P>I wrote this 1st column recently and have not totally collected my thoughts enough to finalize it yet. <P>Yes, I hope that Dazed comes by and comments, I could really use her input.<P>Wex - You had me laughing....Thanks!!<P>I think that the answer to your relationship question could come from this 1st column - Taking responsibiiity for your actions!!! Having regard for others!! Self satisfaction without thinking of consequences!!<P>Hugs to you all for helping,<P>Sheba<BR>

Hi Sheba,<BR>I admire your efforts and injoyed your style. Would this article appear on an editorial page? <BR>I too am toying with the idea of writing, a book, in my case. Maybe can edit for each other?<BR>My book is titled "Life with a Traveling Man and How to Survive the Journey" I have just begun to research and have only written about 7 paragraphs. Is is difficult isn't it? To explain a point in language easily understood but interesting, while at the same time spelling right?<BR> I think your column would be a fun one to write, but how difficult would it be to fill the space every week? It takes me so long to get everything down that I want to say. What else do you do for a living?<P>Hey, here is an idea....<BR>Writing letters for the guys on this forum to give to the H, W, or OP. You know, form letters in which they could fill in the blanks with the specifics of their situations. hmmm. Now there's a thought.

=Ahem.=<P>Thanks for the vote of confidence, folks.<P>Sheba, this is really quite good, and I am utterly brutal about writing, because so much of it is awful.<P>There are a couple of little spelling/usage mistakes that I saw to which you need to pay attention (which brings up Bert Nussbaum's Rule #1 of writing (he was my 8th grade English teacher): NEVER END A SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSITION. That's why I wrote "to which you need to pay attention", rather than "you need to pay attention to." If you can't find a way around ending the sentence with a preposition, rework the sentence. Exceptions are commonly-used expressions like "put up with" and when writing dialogue, because people DO end sentences with prepositions when they talk.<P>Also, note the difference between "your" (possessive) and "you're" (contraction for "you are").<P>Note the difference between adjectival forms "honest and open" which modify (and usually precede) nouns, and adverbial forms (honestly and openly) which modify and usually follow verbs.<P>WHY's probably ought to be "WHYs", because it's not a contraction, but that's like "PC's" -- probably ok for clarity.<P>Singular/plural agreement: "An individual's responsibility for themselves". Uh-uh. This is where you have to decide about those darn gender pronouns. You can say "An individual's responsibility for himself" or use "him/herself", or you can bag the whole thing and say "Individuals' responsibility for themselves." Note the possessive plural form.<P>Your content is fine. Just be sure that everything's a complete sentence, i.e. has a subject and a verb.<P>It sounds nit-picky, but you can't believe how much utterly WRONG stuff goes out there -- in newspapers and even in business correspondence. It doesn't take any more time to do it right.<P>Two more pearls of wisdom from Mr. Nussbaum:<P>1) Never use the word "get" in formal writing unless you're talking about a Jewish divorce. Use "receive", "procure", or some other synonym.<P>2) Never use "have to" in formal writing. Use "must" or some other word.<P>Good luck to you! I think you've got the basic goods for good writing!<P>

Pilot's Wife -<P>Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input.<P>I don't know where it would go in the paper - although I would suppose Editorial.....We also have a small paper that is distributed to different counties and anything could fit anywhere in that.<P>A Book Huh? How adventurous of you!! I have often thought of writing about all this nightmare I have been part of for so long.....That would have to be a trilogy at least!!!! LOL!!<P>I don't think it would be to difficult to fill space every week....I have tons of WHY questions and want to get at least 8 or 10 done before presenting to the editors. There's always some fodder out there for this kind of thing.<P>I think that even though a lot of the WHYs could come down to people using their heads a little more.....it wouldn't be too redundant if presented properly. Then there's, hopefully, the reader input aspect.<P>I work part-time in general office work.<P>I've thought about doing letters for people here or anywhere!!! Here though I will help anyone if they need me too.<BR>Just have to ask!!<P>Good luck with the book....you know I saw a book titled "The Pilot's Wife" in an advertisement.....have no idea what it is about or who wrote it.<P>Dazed -<P>You are a doll and a life-saver!!!!<P>Thank you so much for taking the time with this!! I really appreciate it.<P>Boy, did you bring back my English classes!!! Hopefully some of the things you pointed out, I would have remembered when I did the final proofread. Some other things I still get muddled on like the singular/plural agreement and I also wasn't sure about apostrophying the WHY(s)!!!<P>Is there any reference material for grammar that you prefer as a basis for good writing? <P>When you kept mentioning your teacher, I had a flashback to Sr. Coniscius in grammar school saying: Step 1 - Find the Verb, Step 2 - Find the subject..etc. Made me smile - surprised me that I could still remember all that!!!<P>I would like your opinion on a question I asked on an above post. I am not sure whether it is best to conclude the article with questions that would let the reader draw their own opinion as to the answer of the initial WHY question or if I should end by summarizing with my own opinion.....What do you think would endear the reader more?<P>Thanks Again,<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Hi Everybody -<P>One more time would like to see if you all could tell me if you like this or not. <P>Is it something that you would enjoy reading and would follow? <P>Please let me know if you have an opinion about my question in the last paragraph of the previous post here.<P>Thanks again for helping and PLEASE DON"T feel bad to be negative because as SHA puts it "I have my armor on!!!"<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

I think it would be good to see a column like that. There may never be answers to all the why's out there.<BR>WHY do people hurt the ones they love?<BR>WHY do they wish they hadnt, only after it's over? Why were they not thinking of this before? why why why!<BR>Good luck.<P>Ian --- still asking why.

I think "The Why Stories" - as a regular feature would be something people would like. I would. <P>We have a weekly advertiser paper, with all the ads in it - and there are a couple short columns that I read, and look forward to. <P>Sheba, maybe you'd like this:<P>On the Web:<BR>-- Why is "blue" considered a boy's color?<BR>Go to: http://mailbits.com/goto/blue.htm<BR>(New one every 2 or 3 days.)<P>TNT<BR><p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited September 27, 1999).]

I LOVE IT!!! <P>Whenever I feel frustration with people, it's because I cannot understand the "whys": why they do what they do, what they say what they say, etc. Whenever I feel frustration with things, or animals, or issues, it's the same "whys."<P>Misunderstanding, at least for me, is the cause of all my woes. If I can understand WHY somebody is doing what they are doing, I am perfectly able to accept and respect their opinion, actions, etc. - even if it is very different (or even completely opposite) from my own. It is when something makes no sense at all that my brow wrinkles at all. I have been known to ask question after question trying to figure out the "whys" behind people, to the point of irritation. <P>I would like to know what newspaper you're going to publish in. I think your column would make for fun and interesting reading.<P>