Ok, so I wish I'd been here first before taking any action. I've been reading up on Plan A and Plan B since the discovery of my H's EA, I believe it has also been a PA, but he will not admit to either, but the EA has been proven. Anyway... D Day was Easter Sunday and I left. I've since asked for NC and we're setting up appointments for MC. I've just started reading the books "Surviving an Affair" and "Not Just Friends", but am not far enough in either to know really where to start.

I feel like I totally got off on the wrong foot for starting Plan A since it seems that I'm in Plan B? Any ideas on how to get back there or should I?

You said you've asked for "no contact." What do you mean by that?

Do you mean that you've asked your husband to end contact with his affair partner? Or do you mean that you are no longer in contact with your husband?

Are you still living together? How did he react to D-day? Is he remorseful? Does he want to repair the damage he's done? You're setting up MC appointments...has he ended the affair? Is he willing to end the affair and in a way that is respectful to you? If he's not, there's not much point in counceling.

Your signature says there was a previous affair. How did you work through that? How long have you been married?

Lexxxy,

I've asked him to have NC with OW. We are still in contact, he and I, but its limited, at this point its been very painful whenever we speak.

We are not living together at this time. I've been staying with my girlfriend for the last week and a half. He was and is angry, at first I thought he was sorry, but he won't admit to having done anything wrong so how can you be sorry for something you won't even admit to doing? The MC is his 'baby', he has taken the initiative to setup the appointments even though he initially expressed complete disinterest in it, now he thinks that's the only way we'll work out any of our issues.

We've only been married since July, but we've been together for 5 years. 3 years ago I pretty much followed what I would say resembles a strong Plan B (from what I've read), he swore to stay within my boundaries and agreed to my definition of Fidelity - for 2.5 years he proved to me that he could be and was faithful (although I'm doubting that now - maybe he just got more creative). In the last 4 months our relationship has rapidly degenerated, falling back into the defensiveness and secrecy and arguments where H openly admits to hiding things from me AND says "I thought I could do it your way, I can't, I'm done trying."

I feel like I'm not giving justice to the situation, but I don't know how else to go into it without writing a novel.

Thank you for your reply