When you think about it, WH should be celebrating right now. He is getting everything he said he wanted.

He doesn't have to have contact with me at all (in fact, he can't contact me)! He is rid of me - I am not around to smile at him and 'make him feel guilty.' He is getting his divorce! He is getting his MOW! He has his own place (hovel that it is)! He has visits with his kids! Sure, he'll be out a nice chunk of change, but isn't it worth the price? He is free!!

Enjoy, WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Pebbles. I don't think it's that simple. Granted, my WW is a little off the deep end. But she had everything she wanted to. A divorce, a job in Europe, by herself, and great money, and she still snapped and took DS8.

I don't know if I ever told you something she said before Mother's day. While crying and moaning about what I was trying to do to her, she said if I let her go, maybe we COULD fall in love again like SH said. Maybe when I don't have to be with you, I'll want to be with you and fall in love with you because I want to. Then I can ask you to marry me and give you the ring.

That caught me off guard. Then she snapped on Mothers day. In addition, I've found two more guys in the office whose marriage ended or is in jeopardy because of an affair. Both I discovered in the last two days. I directed both to MarriageBuilders. We are just frail beings here on earth. Lonely, scared, looking for love, and affection and security. It's nothing to take for granted. Our WS wanted that so much they went looking for it somewhere else to discover they may have had it all along, and realized too late. Shame mixed with pride is a recipe for sadness and pain.

Pity your WS. You're in a better place right now than he is. I'm in a better place than my WW. If we can't show our WS the way, we can show our children, our loved ones, and our friends the way.

Happy father's day. I'm going to show my son's the way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

How was the beach. I love Morro Bay. I took WW there after a 7 course wine dinner at Adelaida Cellars in Paso Robles. I picked her up early from work and didn't say where we were going, but we drove 4 hours to the winery in time to have wonderful champagne as the sun set through the orchard. We stayed in a little hotel there looking out at the rock. We didn't fool around before we were married... well we didn't go all the way. We just shared the same bed. There's a great place for breakfast there called the coffee pot. I took her there on a foggy morning before we went to Hearst Castle and then back to LA. It was a GREAT weekend. That's what love is.... was. Our WS won't find it where they're looking.

Sorry for the thread jack. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

You know I don't mind a good threadjack. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I know (sigh). I guess I was being a little sarcastic, with a little bitterness, fear, and anger thrown in for good measure (attractive qualities, I know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />). I (and others) can tell by looking at WH that he is not happy. He just has to figure out why he is not happy, now that he is getting everything he thought he wanted so much.

Well put, Sleepless. I agree with you about pitying our WSs. I wouldn't trade places with mine for anything.

WH and I were just such normal people with such a normal life before all of this. Friends used us as an example of a happy, loving family. Neither WH nor I have ever had any kind of alcohol or substance problem, violence problem, anger problem, health problem, legal problem, nothing. I've had people say to me, "Wow, if it could happen to you two, it could happen to anyone." I tell them it could happen to anyone. I tell them to appreciate what they have now, don't take it for granted, and work at keeping it working well. I wish I had.

We haven't made it to the beach yet. I jacked your thread about that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Plus, money is a bit tight right now. Next week will be better for a trip. I have exactly $5.28 to last until Thursday, when I get my paycheck, unless WH surprises me with a check. {warning: too much information coming} I also have a big burn on my arm that I think might be getting infected. I got it during my last grilling adventure. My $5.28 may have to go toward a down payment on a doctor visit, since I have no health insurance. My arm hasn't fallen off yet, so I'll wait.

Your date with your wife to Morro Bay sounds lovely, and very romantic. Don't WSs think about any of this stuff? I can remember so many wonderful things about our marriage and before. I'm sure you can, too, about yours. Are their brains so warped that they only see the bad - and worse than it actually was?

Adultery SUCKS...a lot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Hello,

I haven't posted here often - perhaps once or twice, but I have been keeping up with your Plan B adventure more or less from the start. I think you are doing great!

Something in your last post was such an echo of my own experience - the perception of family/friends of you and H as a couple. How so many people thought you were a great couple, happy and loving.

Ditto! It hurts so much when the WS tells you that, actually, your M was nothing, that it's been over for ages, that they were never happy etc. My family/his family/our friends have tried to tell my WH that they know this isn't true, that they knew we were happy (of course there were problems we didn't mention to them, but I do think that close family - particularly children of the union - have an instinct for real trouble in a marriage, and no-one picked up on the 'disaster' that my WH says our M was! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />).

Brains, as you say, are seriously warped. But it's major guilt and a desperate attempt to justify what can't be justified that causes the mental meltdown. It's so hard not to take it all personally though, isn't it? After all, the verbal poison they throw at you is meant to be deadly personal. You are so lucky that you are removed from all that rubbish now (mega stressful Plan A for me at the moment!

I was just dropping to say hi, really. I don't like the sound of that burn. Get it looked at, when you have the money? I understand being broke because of a WH, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Take care - stay strong.

Alphin.

Hi, Alphin.

Thank you for dropping by. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What you said about close family and friends perceiving something wrong in marital relationships really strikes close to home for me. Two of my WH's three brothers are divorced, and everyone - I mean everyone - knew they had troubled relationships. With WH and me, everyone I told about his affair and him leaving us (including his family and mine) were almost disbelieving that this would happen to us. Everyone thought we were happy. His family has told me repeatedly that he has never had an unkind word to say about me, and even bragged about me - right up until the time he left.

So many people here have told me that the WS must rewrite the history of the marriage to justify and rationalize their actions. It is so unfair! Early in our separation, WH told me some things about me that bothered him - and some were actually things he had done! Talk about rewriting history.

Alphin, I've been following your Plan A thread. Like you, I rarely post to other threads. I just don't feel like I have any helpful advice to offer others. Plan A is definitely stressful, and much harder when your WH is not living in the same house (not that I've done it any other way, LOL). Best wishes to you!

I've been pouring hydrogen peroxide on my burn (ow, ow, ow, ow!). I'm hoping that will help. My kids like watching the mountain of bubbles and hearing me whimper. They say it sounds like someone stepped on a kitten. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That sounds truly horrific!

Can't imagine any nasty cooties living through that experience, however.

Ouch.

Alph.

Yes, it is I, Pebbles, newly-crowned queen of the idiots!

I called my lawyer's office today. The lawyer herself is in court all day today, so I spoke to her assistant. I think I may have found WH's benefit from defaulting on the paperwork, although I don't know if he knows about it.

The assistant told me that the terms will have to be approved by a judge, but usually in default cases the petitioner gets just about whatever they want with no input from the respondant. She even said I'll probably get to say what happens with the house. I may also be able to request that WH pay for half of college for the kids and some other things I didn't think of before.

She also added, "This is great. The divorce should go very quickly this way." I explained to her, again, that I was not in a hurry, except for the financial support, and that I want to slow down the actual divorce part. She said, "Wow, I don't think anyone has ever asked about doing that before." She said that I'd probably be divorced in a matter of a couple of months - or less. She was unsure about what, if anything, could be done to slow things down, because now the divorce is considered uncontested. She said she'd leave a note for the lawyer to call me.

I am thinking that with all things legal there is probably some way to delay things. On the other hand, divorce in California is very, very easy.

So, if WH knew about the benefit of a super-quick divorce by defaulting, maybe I am really the dork and I played right into his hands.

You aren't an idiot. Reality is just racing to meet your husband.

Sorry, Pebs but we already have a Queen but if you come to Idiotville we can find you a job. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, I highly doubt your WH is bright enough to have figured that out. Default in your favor is still good and you can always remarry if the D goes through.

{{Pebbles}}

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
============================
So, if WH knew about the benefit of a super-quick divorce by defaulting, maybe I am really the dork and I played right into his hands.
============================

Right, Wile E. gives you carte blanche on defining what you want out of the divorce and you are dazzled with his brilliance in rushing the divorce through :-)

Somehow that mix doesn't work for me, Pebbles. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Wait and talk to your lawyer.

Gimble

Pebbles- wait, wait, YOU may get to practically write the fiscal future for you and your kids, gain control of your assets, and yet somehow *you* are the idiot?

Hell no you aren't!

welcome to idiotville...
I AM THE MAYOR....i wanted to say that ...i can here cause robby is not here...lol

IM TELLIN...IM TELLIN!!!! lololol

Pebs, Pebs, Pebs.

Idiot?

Sheese.

Your H is the one needing mental floss in your story. Not you.

Do you need another Ka-Blam?

WAT

Thank you for posting, BrambleRose, faithful follower, Gimble, mojodiva, KA1, nikko, and WAT. If I can't be queen of the idiots, maybe I could be their very pampered mascot? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Yes, please. May I have another? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Ka-Blam away, WAT. It knocks some sense into me, at least temporarily.

I was just going over the divorce/support paperwork. I received copies of what was served on WH. In the paperwork in the assets section, I listed a profit-sharing account through WH's work worth several thousand dollars. The paperwork also states that WH withdrew all the money from that account (I found this out through snooping after he left). My lawyer said that if WH cannot account for all the money, I would be entitled to 100% of it. I guess by defaulting, WH is not contesting that he withdrew all that money. That's interesting.

I was also unable to list much in the way of debts or assets because WH took most of that information with him. I wonder if this means he's not contesting that I have no debts except for the house? Of course, there may be assets that I am not aware of as well.

Maybe WH really is just hoping this will all go away. All of you are right, it would be incredibly dumb of him to leave all the financial aspects of the divorce completely up to me, no matter how quickly he wants to be divorced.

Hmmm, whenever Wile E. Coyote sets up an anvil to fall on the Roadrunner, the anvil always ends up flattening Wile E. Coyote instead.

Yes, a meeting with the lawyer is called for. The lawyer's assistant has been with her for 15 years, so she really knows what she's talking about, but maybe there are subtle nuances that only the lawyer knows.

WH arrived 15 minutes early to pick up the kids for their Wednesday overnight, with no phone call to tell us he was on his way. I would not have known he was here if I hadn't been walking by the front window by chance. WH has not seen or spoken to the kids since their overnight last Wednesday.

Ooops! I missed a page. I posted this for your previous page. guess I should read to the end before I post....sory

Everyone thought we were the perfect family too. WH was the favorite to my parents, aunts, cousins, my grandmother even introduced him to people as "This is my grandson..." His A didn't just affect me and my kids.

Yep, he said"Our marriage has been over for years. I only loved you because you are the mother of my children. We never really had much now there is nothing. My life is no where near where I pictured it." But six months prior to that on our anniversary he sent me an email...It said he was thinking about our life together and how we made all our dreams come true. That he was so proud of the family we made together that there was not one thing he would change and that he loved me more than his words could describe. I saved that email. I was speechless. This came from a man who rarely talked about his feelings. How dare he rewrite that history!....F'in Alien!!

Home Remedies for the Poor and Uninsured
Chapter 1
Garlic: The Cure for Everything

Seriously, garlic can do a world of good for getting rid of infections. We hardly ever have to take antibiotics for anything, just strep once in a while, and FWH had pneumonia last year.

Chop up 2-3 cloves of garlic and swallow them. Chewing is not recommended, at least by me. It is also best not to do this on an empty stomach. There is one down side. You will smell like an Italian cafe for several days. Wait a minute - what was the down side?

1-2 times a day would probably be enough for a mild infection, but you can take it more often if it gets bad. After all, it only kills vampires. You should be fine.

Neosporin will help, too, if you have it, and here is my vote for a Pebbles mascot. Good luck!

(PS Did I mention that I am poor and uninsured? At least it gives me the opportunity to learn lots of neat remedies like this...)

'Wisewoman' not_so_you_neak,

I had a friend who used to eat an entire bulb of garlic whenever he felt a cold coming on... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


Alph.

Alphin said "I had a friend who used to eat an entire bulb of garlic whenever he felt a cold coming on..."

So, even if it didn't cure the cold, it scared it off :-)

Gimble

Pebbles!! Boy Scout alert coming. How bad is the burn? If it just blistered and then sloughed off (second degree burn), it should be easily treatable with an antibiotic cream. Keep it open to the air or covered with a light gauze. If it's worse than second degree, you need to go to a doctor. When I didn't have insurance for a month, we took DS8 for his shots at the free clinic in So. Cal. They ask you for a donation based on what you can afford. Just go find one.

I know my WW is torn up, but too proud to admit she's making herself unhappy. Even if she can't find happiness with me, (and I'm awesome!) she won't find it with anyone the way she is now. 3 months before the affair, she was out with one of our friends in Paris at a Nouveau Beaujolais celebration. A drunk Frenchman was hitting on her, so she called me to talk to him. "Your wife is so beautiful and enchanting (heavy French accent here) You are a fool to leave her alone." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I wanted to knock him on his little French [censored]. Our friend rescued her shortly thereafter. But on her walk home at 2:00 a.m., she called me three times asking me to call her because she was lonely.... I was in a meeting. On the last call she started to cry and said, "Call me please.... I miss you." I kept the message for two weeks and played it over and over until the system deleted it. Now our marriage wasn't as ideal as yours, but there was happiness mixed with the rough times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I've got my WW sending IM's to DS18 on the computer here. She's so perky!

I see hope for you Pebbles. But I'm pretty sure I need to move on. My cousin is an editor for Random House in New York, and she's pretty sure I've got a book deal here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />