A strange thing: Whoever signed for MOW's parents' packet actually signed "T 1," nothing else. I wonder what on earth that means? Their last name starts with a "T," but why the "1?"

Perhaps 1 means the head of the household i.e. the husband???

Just a guess.

Pebbles, I nearly drove myself mad waiting to hear about the effects of exposure. It was only last week that I heard it'd had any effect at all (WH told me I'd done 'some very bad things' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> ). I still don't know how it has affected the infidel's relationship - only that it really pi**ed them off. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That's good enough for me at the moment!

Sorry to hear about your health insurance. Infidelity really is the gift that keeps on giving!

Hope your kids are OK - I am grateful that at least WH feels guilty about ours, even if he doesn't give a damn about me. He still calls them every day. Or course, I know it's for his own selfish benefit (he misses them like crazy) but at least they are still in contact.

How's the heat? Hope you don't lose power again - no power means no air conditioning!!!

Alph.

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
==================================
Should I be surprised that no one has called about the letters/information? Do they not care or just think I'm crazy? Maybe the exposure was just too late to do any good?
==================================

I think that the very best thing you can do is live your life well and trust that truth will do its job.

I don't believe that truth ever returns void. It's like a boomerang that always does its job, then returns to its user, task accomplished, just like a really faithful dog fetching a stick. It is in the nature of truth to do what it does.

In my mind, simple truth is what makes it possible for me to believe in God.

Sit back in you lawn chair. Enjoy a sunset and all the good that surrounds you. No need to borrow trouble.

God bless,
Gimble

Pebbs.. it's still silence here for me too. WH didn't even collect the mail we left him in the mailbox and/or reply my mail concerning some more details re: $/ bills.

So I'm leaving it be as well. I've done my job... I think you've done yours too. And you did yours v. well!!

~A

Keep in mind, you're the only one on the high moral ground here. Everyone else is embarassed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> They're all staring at the elephant in the middle of the room asking, "so what do we do now?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The exposure will do good. But you cannot control how they will all react to it. My S18 jumped off the handle and blamed me for invading his privacy when I copied the E-Mails, and for trying to save a marriage that was all ready in trouble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> That's logical (heavy sarcasm). He thought he discovered some huge secret that I used spyware on the computer. DUH!! I already admitted to that in court.

Call the MOW parents tomorrow and ask how they are doing. Expect ANYTHING from them. Be happy when you hear their support.



At this point, I wish WW would leave DS8 alone. Her behavior and denial continue to affect him. I just want to minimize the damage until she can get some emotional help.
The psychologist wants to talk to me again on Friday to answer some questions. I hope that's a good thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
'


Well that's STUPID. That's like me saying, well there's a crack in that airplane, but let's see if it's still there in a month, and then we'll fix it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My doctor wrote me a prescription before I even asked for it! Stick with the melatonin and the exercise for now.

Sleepless.

Hi, Alph.

That's kind of what I was thinking, too. It just seemed strange. If the dad did sign for it, at least I know the information made it into the right hands.

Good enough for me, too. I keep reading that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If WH feels hate toward me about the exposure, at least that's something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

It's good that your WH still keeps in touch with the kids every day. I am very surprised that my WH has seemingly given up on his relationship with our kids so easily. Maybe it's 'out of sight, out of mind.' He seems to be putting all his efforts into his affair (which may or may not be a good thing to break it up??).

It is only supposed to get up to 105 today. It was pretty unpleasant without air conditioning yesterday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> The kids and I made a trip to a nearby mall to cool off and get our new caller ID phone. Movie theaters around here do very well when the power goes out, too.

Pebbles,
The thing about exposure that once its out there the ripple effects go on & on. And just because you haven't heard the ripples doesn't mean the effects are not felt.

You are doing wonderfully. I'll be heading to plan B really soon. WH is leaving Aug 1st... he plans to live at a campground in our RV. I guess our summer travel plans are over.

Hang in there and stay cool!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Gimble.

Good points about the truth. I'll just have to trust that God will allow the truth to do its job. I'm sure eventually I'll hear something.

There is a lot of good around me. Time to make myself take a break and appreciate it (although I'm still working on work exposure). Today, caller ID is up and running again, the power has stayed on so far, all the laundry is done, the kids are getting along and playing nicely, and my weenie dog is curled up around my feet, licking my ankles - life can be pretty good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

I'll have to think of if that way. And you're right, I can't control how anyone will react to it.

But....I'm chicken. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I'll do it, either late this afternoon or tomorrow. I am wondering how they are, not just if they got the packet.

I can't imagine why it wouldn't be a good thing. Maybe she wants to ask questions about your WW? Or maybe she just needs more in-depth answers to questions you already answered? I'm sure you'll do fine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good engineer analogy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> The doctor said he doesn't like to prescribe ADs for adjustment problems because, "It's just something you have to work through." Well, it was rough 'working through' it so soon after it happened, along with teaching school and taking care of the house and kids. The exercise does help a lot. I have been circulating through all my fitness toys, and revisiting some familiar favorites in my collection, even writing reviews for the fitness forum I visit. The melatonin helps, too.

Hi, confused42.

Thank you for reminding me about the 'ripple effect' of exposure. A lot could be happening, even if I don't know anything about it. I can't imagine MOW's parents knowing the truth would endear WH to them. That must be having some effect, somehow, and he certainly wouldn't want me to know about it.

I would think living in the RV would get old pretty quickly. Pooh on him for messing up your travel plans. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I was reading on Alph's thread, and I agree, that seeing WH, even for a few seconds, can be upsetting. Plan B will give you some detachment and some peace.

You hang in there, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I don't like having to be in the 'betrayed spouses' club, but at least the company is good.

I have been told several times "believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see."

I am wondering, does this apply to what I hear from inlaws, too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Well, I don't know what the person I called at the P.O. 800 number was talking about. She told me the person who signed for MOW's parents' packet actually signed it "T 1." I finally received the email copy of the actual signature today. MOW's mother signed for the packet! The same nice woman I spoke to on the phone last week. Hmmmm...

WH will be here to pick up the kids in a little less than an hour. I'm a little nervous. He'll probably not even get out of his car, so I'm probably nervous for nothing.

If he comes to the door and is angry about exposure, what should I be prepared for? I'll do like I normally do, if I can - just send the kids out the door when I see him drive up, then close the door behind them. If he comes to the door and knocks, I don't want to 'hide.'

I guess just the standard Plan B line(s) through the closed security screen? "Have you given up your affair and decided to recommit to our family? No? Then please respect my wishes and contact me either through my mother or my lawyer."

Any other suggestions? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add: What am I talking about? The master conflict avoider probably won't even try to look at me.

"Please respect my wishes for no contact as stated in my letter. You can contact me through my mother or attorney. Thanks." SHUT THE DOOR.

Pebbles, don't you find it interesting that he has shown some aggressive tendencies around you since he left? Do you think he felt demeaned by you when you were together? I just don't get the sense from you that you were ever domineering with him. Its almost like he is rebelling against you now. Did he ever have anything TO rebel against? Just thinking out loud here, I just can't figure out your H.

On another note: Got a line on a new Cardio Step Mix on one of my vidiot swapmeets! It is my FAVORITE workout and is sooo hard to find. Mine is badly threadbare with the plastic busted out of the front. [DH had to tape up a tear in the tape for me]

Have you found any new workouts lately? Am not really liking my new Cathe imax2 + cardio and weights after all and am trying to trade it for the above VHS.

Hi, MelodyLane.

I think I'll use the exact words you suggested, on the remote chance he comes to the door.

I really don't know why he seems to be rebelling against me. I honestly don't think I was controlling - and I've done some serious soul-searching on what I did to help lead to this affair. If he thought I was controlling he never said anything (of course, he is a conflict avoider). And he hasn't said I was controlling when he's told me what he doesn't like about me. He has always been very tender and kind with me (until now), even for a while after he first left. It's almost like he wants to hate me. Maybe part of it is his way of handling his guilt?

Congrats on the possible Cardio Step Mix score! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I haven't made any new fitness purchases lately (low cash flow), but I have so much fitness stuff I'm sure I'll be busy for a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

That makes perfect sense! He feels guilty and needs to demonize you in order to justify his affair. Will you post what happens when he picks up the kids? I am anxious to see if he tries anything. Hope he doesn't try the foot in the door thing again!

wow melody..very great insight

i think my husband's anger and aggression towards me is because he held so much inside-hardly ever told me what he thought, felt, or needed because i was not open to recieve it and i WAS controlling. although i have realized this and have worked to change...that also could explain why he keeps insisting that i can't FORCE him to come home....the he has FREE WILL and i can't TELL HIM WHAT TO DO...and that he is going to do WHAT HE WANTS FOR A CHANGE

are you a counselor?if not...consider it!

thanks eav, but my insight [wrong in her case] was gained from long, hard experience. I ran off my last H by never missing an opportunity to demean him or control him. He left for a woman that treated him with respect. It sounds like your H also felt the same way.

MelodyLane,

WH got out of his car, but only to open the trunk for the kids to put their things in. He glanced my way, but I was behind the screen door, so he probably just saw my shadow. I closed the door right away.

He sounded genuinely happy to see the kids, from the greeting I heard. Good. It's been 10 days since he has seen them, and he has spoken to them once, for a few seconds each, in that time period. He remembered to tell our daughter 'happy birthday' when he first saw her.

There are plenty of things WH holds against me, and he has told me about many of them. Some are valid, some don't make sense (rewriting history), but being controlling wasn't one of them. Some of the inlaws have told me that even now he won't give them reasons why he left me, just that he met someone he loves more - he wasn't happy, and now he is. Many of the wise posters (like you, ML) who have given me advice have suggested that WH is trying to demonize me to justify his affair.

Now I have the morning drop-off to look forward to. WH will be on his way to work, so he will probably just stay in his car. Although, our daughter may have birthday presents he has given her to bring in, so he may help her carry them. We'll see.