Hi, 'Neak.

You have had a busy day! Thanks for taking the time to email me. The email hasn't made it to my inbox yet, maybe in a little while. Or, maybe I messed up my email address in my bio. I'll go check.

Hi, Ashley.

I like the birthday TM. It kind of says "I remembered it's your birthday, but I have too much to do to think of you too much." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Yes, Friday will be a big trigger for me. It would have been/will be our 16th anniversary. My sister and I are going out for dinner and whatever we can think of after that. She is single and knows where the fun places are. She won't let me get too sentimental. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I wonder if WH will remember it's our anniversary.

Does that mean you've got some badrooms, too?

Neak is at home playing with FWH. A game, that is. I think she was telling the truth because there were still kids awake and if there's anything more damping to, um, stuff, than juvenile supervision, I don't know what it is! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Musings after talking to the kids today:

On top of a carboard box of presents that WH left a few feet outside the door this morning was a plate of chocolate cake, obviously homemade. I said it looked good. Son said WH made it himself and it was 'okay.' I said I thought it was nice of him to make a cake. Neither kid would eat any of it today, and usually I have to limit their intake of cake, if it is available. I couldn't eat any of the cake. It made me sick to my stomach to think MOW might have made it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Daughter told me she was the reason the kids stayed up so late. She said, "After the fifth time I asked, Dad said it would be okay." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

My son handed me a ream of paper for the printer. He said WH had bought two reams while they were out last time he had them overnight. I told son he was probably supposed to keep both reams for his printer in his room. He said, "No, Dad said he got it for all of us."

The kids told me MIL and FIL gave daughter a big check for her birthday. WH kept it to cash for her, she said. For some reason, I have access to our son's account and he has access to our daughter's. I hope he puts some of it as savings for her.

I had daughter write a thank-you note to the inlaws today. I had to scrunch down some not-so-charitable thoughts while helping her decide what to write. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

So, does anyone think WH will remember our anniversary? Maybe he'll have some sort of celebration, an antiversary party. He has to work the next morning, so it probably won't be too wild.

I hope MOW enjoys my anniversary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Ah, children, the anti-aphrodisiac. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

You deserve that. This has nothing to do with your qualities. I seem to recall you questioning what the OW has that you don't. Nothing. You've got more than she has. That's the basic premise for recovery. You are better for WH than the OW ever could be. Your WH has short circuited, and can't see the happiness that could be his. My WW is the same..... so out of touch with reality that it's scary. I think her A is over... but not her attitude. She's ready to go check out some of her old boyfriends she's been thinking about I think.

Your WH is an unhealthy man, as is evident from his unhappiness.

Be happy with yourself! I think you're probably as special as you sound. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just so you don't get your hopes up, here's how my 10th went on 4/1/05. First, SH told me I should get a gift because it is a special event. I was in Plan A at the time. I had planned to fly over to Europe, but the flights were booked for two days. One of my female coworkers who DID NOT know about OM19 said, it's OK if you can't get over there for your Anniversary, she's got that 19 year old nanny to take care of her... wink wink.

OK, that was funny, in a different set of circumstances. I just had to tell my friend what was going on. Then it became even MORE funny. She was so apologetic.

You celebrate what YOU brought to the marriage. How YOU were a good wife, and still are. That's something to celebrate! Have another lobster!

{{{Pebbles}}}

Thinking of you.

Alph.

That sounds like fun! I have a single friend whom I can count on if I want to just be crazy for awhile. So dress in something really sexy and go have some fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />



My anni is in Sep.. I wonder if WH even remembers that he *WAS* actually married or who I am by that time of year!

~A

Happy Anniversary...I know its difficult but if nothing else that union gave you 2 wonderful kids and a lot of good memories. You honored your vows celebrate that! This is one more thing to add to the alien miss list. He may TRY to have an ANTIversary...but will he ever be able to forget how he proposed, or how you looked on the day you wed or how he felt when your first child was born or the day God blessed him with a little princess? He'll try not to think of it. But when he is all alone in his dirty, dark lair those memories will haunt him instead of comfort him.

on another note....what happened to the Chippendale's?

I know this won't be a popular suggestion...just a thought.
What about sending him a card that says simply...thought I'd send a card because this will be our last anniversary while we are still M.

I KNOW the guilt is killing him...why not send him ONE MORE REMINDER of what pain he is causing the family.

Hope you are having a happy Unniversary, or Antiversary, whichever it turns out to be.

Also, it's possible you just didn't recognize my email, because when I clicked on your address link it automatically pulled up an email form with my husband's name on it, though 'Neak' was in the subject line. Anyway, I'll be around all morning, and in the afternoon sometime will need to make another run to town, then back all the rest of the afternoon.

PS The kids did eventually go to sleep, and I took great pleasure in waking them up early this morning.

[color:"red"] How could I forget? Here it is, handed across cyberspace. Wrap it snugly, yet aesthetically around your shoulders, sit or stand straight and tall, put on the crown from Susan, and smile winningly. There. YOU HAVE THE POWER!!! [/color]

I loved the following quote by Mortarman, just written on Gramn's thread. It explains so much, and so well. With my first, short-lived recovery, I had the power but didn't quite know what to do with it or how to wield it. By the second time, well, I was wearing the cape.


Applause, MM.

Sooo....whatcha do last night???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We want details!!!

Maybe she's not home yet....

Thank you, Alph, Ashley, confused42, SHMI, and 'Neak, for the anniversary survival support. Sleepless, thank you for the very kind, encouraging words. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL, StillHereMakingIt. I couldn't get on the computer until now. Monday will be my street's big 'super-duper trash pick-up' day. I spent just about all day cleaning out the garage and hauling junk out to the front curb, in 103-degree heat, no less. My nice neighbor (the one who was a BS in his first marriage) saw me and helped me haul a few of the heavier items. It was quite cathartic dumping some of WH's junk at the curb. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> If he wants any of it, he can make it here before the pick-up Monday - or before the garbage scavengers sift through it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, about last night. My sister and I met at a restaurant/bar and ate a dinner of appetizers and beer. She then took me to various places she goes with her single friends. We went to one place that had an '80s band (ahhh, our decade...) and dancing. Another place had a Cajun band and dancing. My sister shared with me that our mom told her to take care of me, not to let me drink too much, and not to let me get into trouble. She said Mom thinks I am too innocent and not wordly enough for nightlife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The nightlife itself was very interesting. Men were coming up to us all night and asking us if we were sisters. Our facial features are similar, but my sister has Dad's Native American coloring and I have Mom's English coloring. I have to say, it was quite gratifying to receive so much male attention.

When I got home, I did have a bit of a crying spell (the stupid anniversary thing). I doubt WH remembered it was our anniversary at all, not that he would have tried to contact me if he remembered.

WH called this afternoon. He wanted to ask me if he could bring the kids back Sunday night instead of Monday morning because of some out of town continuing job training. I didn't speak to him; the message was relayed through our son. I always think it's funny how he seems to want to ask me if it's okay when he has to change something with the kids, instead of just saying, "I need to bring the kids back early."

I saw him from driveway distance this evening when he picked up the kids for their overnight. I was hugging the kids goodbye just inside the front door. WH has gone back to the scruffy, unshaven look (so much for his cleanup after court). He looked very thin, too. He looked at me for a second, then looked away.

Glad you had a good night

Be strong young lady!! Don't sully the children. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



If you remember, I wasn't even in Plan B for mine. I thought she was NC and we were "trying" a recovery. I didn't even make it over there, and had to listen to my co-worker tell me, don't worry, that 19 year old nanny will take care of her on the anniversary (not knowing what was going on). That pretty much did it for me.

I think God gives us what we can handle, an directs us where he wants us to go.

I gave WW a sterling silver purse mirror from Tiffany's and Co., but didn't tell her I got her anything until she came home 2 weeks later. When she arrived she said, "I bought something for you, but then decided to give it to S18
since you apparently didn't get me anything." I left it in the guest room where she was sleeping that night. Out of guilt she bought me a small stereo, since I didn't have one. About half the value of her gift, but it must have been to clear her conscience.

He's not your husband. Don't worry about what he's doing. Look forward to future anniverarys. You'll start counting those at number 1. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I think the parents are too naive. Ahhh the 80s. You know you're getting old when 80s rock becomes classic rock.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

It's nice to know there are still gentlemen in the world. Good for him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />



Sorry kiddo. Try not to think about it that way. Your reward is the two beautiful children that he gave you. Revel in that gift for your anniversary. I'm sure the bars were fun, but they are your true celebration. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
=========================
I doubt WH remembered it was our anniversary at all, not that he would have tried to contact me if he remembered.
=========================

Ahhhh. You know he remembered. He may be stubborn and stupidly wayward, but he is alive and mostly human.

Quote:
=============================
He looked at me for a second, then looked away.
=============================

And you need to stop getting your fix and his with the couched, furtive 'looks'. If you want him to see what he is missing, then have photos taken of you and the kids at the beach. Include that in a belated anniversary card. You need to stop playing coy, then wondering who is going to give up first.

Bust his chops by staying completely away from him or by blatantly letting him know what he is losing. Losing meaning that you let him very clearly know that you are NOT going to wait on him forever, there is a limit to your patience.

Now my last statement is going to get me in trouble, but that's okay. Look at it this way. The fact that he is willing to play 'high school' with you shows you that he is still very interested. The fact that you are still playing high school somewhat, is causing problems with Plan B. Whatever tack you take, you have to get hardcore serious about it - otherwise, you are prolonging your pain, and I hate seeing you in pain, Pebbles.

No one says that you have to do Plan B forever, or that it is even the right approach in every case. It simply isn't. What you do have to do, is work the plan, whatever plan that is, consistently and thoroughly. You can't half way do it and expect results.

This is not a butt chewing, Pebbles, just a reminder that directionless wandering will get you lost :-)

Take a hose to the Chocolate cake and wash it off your driveway and out of your mind. Let the ants have it, and her.

God bless,
Gimble