Writing is fairly on the wall..in bold, italics and underlined...WH and I will most likely divorce. I can say with 99.9% accuracy that will happen.

Yet I made a promise to myself last June that I would leave the door open until this coming June.

I'm in Plan B, but because of life circumstances, emailed WH and asked if he would consider staying married until Jan so I could continue to receive benefits and other things. He will not agree to that. He instead said that he will continue to pay my rent until then. He also took out a large loan to pay for my teeth to get fixed. He is fully supporting me right now and everything I make can go into the bank.

I responded that if he files before June, then I will fight it. If he waits until June, I will not file, but will not stand in his way either and will sign off on any agreements I feel are fair. I also noted that if he changed his mind that come next January, I would do everything possible to expedite a divorce, including filing myself.

I'm very torn here. I love my husband and would much rather have a newly built marriage with him than the financial stuff. And yet I don't want to shoot myself in the foot here either. We've not been married long enough for me to be legally entitled to financial support. Everything he does in that respect he is doing because he knows it's the right thing to do. I have to admit that in this way, WH is extremely responsible.

I received something in the mail today from him, asking me to sign off on all bank accounts and it included the forms. Funny timing because in the email I sent yesterday, I said that I would not sign off on bank accounts until I was served. The only real reason I have not to sign off on the bank accounts is that it is just one more link severing the ties between us. Also, it's my one little bit of protection should things get...difficult, which I do not really anticipate, but one never knows with a WH. I never thought any of this would be happening to begin with.

So WH is paying for my teeth (we're talking over 7k here), gave me the car, will be giving me extremely generous support until the divorce is final, and then will continue to pay my rent until next January (I did say that I wanted an agreement written up to this effect). I'm still receiving all benefits from him..and he's still paying into my IRA right now and my life insurance, car insurance, rental insurance, etc.

As I said, I am quite sure we will be divorcing, though I do still have my hopes that something will change. Aside from that..I do not want to break the promise I made to MYSELF about leaving the door open until June. I feel that anything that severs the ties between us even more only facilitates the ease of a divorce for him, and that is not something I feel I can do...

But....but can I afford to risk everything he's offering? If he perceives what I'm doing as being difficult, he might just start giving ultimatums...I feel that I'm in a no-win situation. If I'm perceived as being difficult, it gives him more reasons to divorce me...but if I make it easy for him, it eases his guilt, makes it easier to separate in general.

I'm so torn. I know that no one here can tell me what to do, but I would love to hear thoughts on this. I'm trying to be objective on both sides and that's hard to do when you're in the middle of the situation.

Aislinn, it isn't wrong to want to protect yourself. In fact, there comes a time when it is the sensible thing to do. Is it not possible to let him know why you don't want to sign off the bank accounts? Tell him that you are not being awkward, but that you made a promise to YOURSELF to wait until June. You gave things a year to be resolved and still cling to the hope (albeit it's only 0.01%!) that he might change his mind and give your marriage a chance? You can always thank him for his generosity and remind him that you went into Plan B to protect your love for him.

Aislinn, so sorry about this, however, I hope your teeth are looking great! TT

Maddy, I am with TT. You have nothing to lose by being honest with him. Glad he is taking care of the dental stuff. Miss you being around.

I miss you being around too!

Aislinn, its hard when practicalities get in the way of our hearts' best interests. But in your case, like in TTs case, I think common sense must prevail.

I know you don;t want a divorce, but Aislinn, yoru WH has had MONTHS and MONTHS o take steps towards a monogamous M with you and hasn't chosen it.

I am not sure what else you could have done to restore your relationship. Vain hope seems to be scant reason not to sign the papers and potentially sign away your financial secirity too.

Like others suggest i would make sure that WHs financial undertakings to you are written down somewhere. Ex spouses have conveniently bad memories after divorce sometimes....

All blessings dar'

{{{{aislinn}}}}