Me and my wife have been seperated for a while now and I thought she was moving on like me. Well a few things have changed in her life since we last talked. She called my work this morning and told my coworker that she need me to call her at work. I called her and found out that a certain event in the extended family had thrown out troubles into sharp focus. She told me that we should think about what is happening carefully and make sure that it is what we really want. She and I went out to eat and saw a movie (I had a great time!). I should mention that we were breaking the law by doing this bcause of her restraining order. I guess that I must be fairly soft because I know alt of people would have just sent her packing at first sight. She was in tears for at least an hour and had obviously been crying alot before as well. I think she may be for real this time but how can I be sure? Is it possible for us to build a better marriage this time around despite all that has happened? I never stopped loving her and that makes all of this harder to really jump into. How can I even start to be fair in the way I think about this? Well I am getting tired and need to sleep. If you have questions just ask away and I will get answers to you as soon as possible.

The first thing that comes to my mind is "why now?" Did something happen to the other relationship she had (the EA) which caused your separation? Is she falling back to the security she found with you? (This isn't a bad thing, btw.)

What did she say? Is she willing to go to some type of counseling (which would probably help you both)? What are her expectations? What are YOUR expectation? According to your signature line, it appears you've only been separated for 3 months (assuming you separated after the EA was discovered). That's really not much time to be "moving on" with one's life.

Lastly, if you continue to "date" you should have her remove the restraining order to protect yourself.

I agree with Avondale,

If you are going to meet even one more time the restraining order MUST be removed or you could end up in jail. THis is NOT a laughing matter.

Other than that it seems to me you don't have to make ANY decisions right now. You should/cannot see her again until the restraining order is removed. You will not solve the problems over night, you will not learn to trust over night. All of this takes time and consistent behavior on her part.

So continue as you are, but leave the door open to the possibility that things have changed. You will know soon enough. But, first get that restraining order removed, it is NOT a joke. Until that happens, well... Just keep on keeping on.

God Bless,

JL

I agree with what avondale and Just learning posted.

Your treading into some dangerous waters there with an RO against you.

So long as that is in place... you need to stay very far away.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

The reasons for the RO are as important (or more so) as the RO itself. Is she just being irrational and spiteful to take a RO out on you? I'm not sure if that's possible legally to get a RO w/o valid reason. If there valid reason such as violence, I'd STRONGLY suggest you both deal with that before reconciling the M.

You both are very young and life is different when you are young.
Was her EA also a PA??
Is she with OM??
Why did she want a D so quickly?? And yes why is there a RO on you??

I know lots of ?? but if they are answered then the answer to your question maybe simple.

I have been married a long time in the early years there was abuse from my H,and we seperated alot only to always get back together the problem is we never fixed our problems.So what I am saying is that if you both truly want your M fix all your problems now.That way 25yrs down the road when life is much more complicated you do not end up back on a forum like this because one of you has screwed up beyond repair.

Thanks all for your ideas! To answer gingersnap no the EA was not also a PA. I have no idea why she wanted the D so quickly and finally the restrainigt order was her lawyer+ her sister's idea. they thought that because I had been put in the mental hospital that I would be threat to her. to answer avondale she is willing to go to counseling (finally)
Thanks again for you comments