That about says it all. Last night H told me OW had a Dr. apt. this morning & he wanted to go. I said I din't want him to go and tried to explain why, but all he ended up getting out of it was that I wanted him to neglect his child. So this morning his alarm went off and I just laid there and looked at him. Got up let out the dog, got dress and left a not saying that I took the dog for a walk and I wouldn't be back until he was gone. I spent an hour and a half on the phone with my mom and then got ready for work.

I am seriously thinking of writing a letter of resignation and going back to live with my parents. I can't take it anymore. OW found out she was PG in December. According to H they don't know when it is due. Bull crap! I am not that stupid! H says she hasn't had time to go to the Dr. because she is too busey fighting in court with her ex and acting like a child.

I may be copletely wrong but if you are PG with twins you are considered higher risk, and if you miscarriage one of them shouldn't that make you even higher risk? None of it adds up and my H believes every word that comes out of her mouth! She is obviously not too conserned about this child if she hasn't been going to the Dr. It just makes me so frustrated!

As long as I can keep up the courage to quite my job I will be all right. Any advice on writing a resignation letter?
I am so tired of having to suffer for someone elses mistakes. I don't have any kids and the only thing we have together is a home loan and life ins. So it should make a D pretty easy.

Guess I am not really asking anything. Just wanted to let everyone know made it to the new board and give you all an update. But any advice on how to make this all go smmother would be helpful.

B.~

Hi B,

I must certainly say I would have had enough by now. Last week someone saw them holding hands in the mall? He didnt come home one night having spent the night on her 'couch'?

No children? I'd be gone. This is ridiculous!

Now about quitting your job, think on that awhile... do you have any ties to the city you are in, or do you have 'home' someplace else? If nothing but H is keeping you there, I think I would leave it all. Leave him with this mess and go start over.

I know this doesnt sound MB, but Harley does say that in M's with no childen, it doesnt often make sense to try to recover the M. Especially since your H now has an OC on the way.

Now I know your IC thinks D is appropriate, but your H is obviously not worried that you will leave him, by his actions. I wish you strength and peace - Dru

Go smoother? I'd not say a single word to your H till you were gone! Start planning, share NOTHING, make it happen. Please take care - Dru

Brandy, I'm so sorry. I know how hard all of this is. I certainly don't believe that OW does not know when she is due. That is absurd! I know that most doctors won't see you until you are about 8 weeks, but she most definitely should have been to a doctor by now! Good prenatal care is so important. Either she is lying about something, or your H might not be being completely honest. Something sounds fishy.

Do you have children together?

I am also filing for a D soon as well. It is a hard thing to do, but you can only take so much. From my experience, H was being so defensive about OW because he still had feelings for her (and was still seeing her). Now I can look back and see why all of these things did not add up.

I hope that things go smoothly for you! [color:"purple"] [/color]

As for ties in this town none. No friends, no family and a job that makes me want to pull out my hair. I know I have waited too long. Not I know what those animals that have had their spirit beaten out of them feels like. It is not a good place. Luckily I won't even see him until Sunday. our jobs have seen to that. If I put my two weeks in now I will be gone just in time for his bday and our 8 year aniversey (with our 1yr wedding anv 2weeks away). I just hope it was all worth it to him.

B.~

[color:"purple"] [/color] I really hate to say this, but if you do not have children it really might be best to leave now if your H is not putting what he needs to into the marriage for it to work.

I am now 6 months pregnant and can not file for divorce until after the baby is born. It is not a good place to be in.

Why can't you file for divorce until after the baby is born?

Brandy,

I am so very sorry that u find yourself in this place in your M.

I too have no children w/ my XH, but chose to "fight the good fight" so to speak, & endured him living w/ OW for 8 months, going to every dr.'s appt. w/ her, being there for the birth, only to have him come home to me after all that & still not work on our M. His first priority was OC.

How can your H say he is nelecting a baby that is still in the womb? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I heard that crap from my XH too, he needed to "bond" with the baby - no he wanted to be there for OW plain & simple. Is this your H's first child?

I am praying for u, & hope that God will show u what to do, it seems as if u already know though.

Sending u a big cyber hug.
{{{{{{{{{{{Brandy}}}}}}}}}}

This is H 1st child. He uses the excuse that his dad was never there for him and he won't do that to his. He already said that this child will be no.1 in his life and that puts me in 3rd place behind her. He will not let her go and I have been to blind and scred to see it. I told him that if I satyed (don't think it will happen now) I would never give him any children because I would not bring a child into this mess. If he can take away so many of my dreams and the right to give him his 1st child I can denine him the right of ever having any of my children. I know that may sound a little twisted, but that is the way I feel. We were going to wait a few years to have kids so we could spend time together, but I guess he went and did it without me.

Thanks everyone for reading and sharing your thoughts and concerns. It will make the long boring night at work go a little easier. I just keep waiting for him to call me. I need to stop that! I will be happy when 8:30 rolls around and I can go home and sleep. My brain needs to shut off for awhile. I am going to work on a new resume and figure out how to tell the boss I quite.

Thanks again everyone.

B.~

Brandy,

I've been on these boards for a very long time, and I can count on one hand when I've recommended divorce to someone (and I have fingers left over too).

In your situation with no children---if you're truly ready for a divorce; you should file. I would also advise you to consider Plan B---move back to your parents, leaving your husband a Plan B letter with your feelings spelled out, as well as requirements to reconcile. It would probably read like "No Contact", relocating away from the current town, counseling, and anything else you feel you'd have to have to make reconciliation possible. If you're not sure about divorce, this would be the best situation for you---and if your husband didn't come around, then you'd file for divorce when ready.

I don't remember your history. Has the affair been exposed to his family and friends? If it hasn't---you should do that before Plan B.

God bless.

K
Thanks for the advice. I have already considered that. I told him I was thinking of backing off until the C is born. I don't want a divorce, but right now I see no other option. We had a failed atempt at Plan B in January. He was only out of the house for about a week. And like an idiot I beleived him when he said that he was sorry and let him come back (at that time I thought she had a miscarriage in Dec). I did the letter saying that I wanted to start MC and I wanted everything done legal and a paternity test, I just think he ignored it. It seems that he is not willing to let her go and I see that now. I think it is finally time for me to stand up and show him that it is me or her and mean it this time. I am really tired. One of the reasons I have been hanging on is beacuse he is due to be transfered soon. But his conpany is just not moving fast enough for me!

His mother knows what is going on. I don't know who else does in his family. My whole family knows (in fact he is scared of the uncles!) and freinds know. He has still not told his boss. I don't feel that that is my place. The boss should know that something is up, I have not stepped foot in their store since December and any fool can see that something is going one between him & OW.

Right now what scares me the most is quiting my job. They make me feel guiltly about taking a day off I can just imagine what they will make me feel like when I tell them I am quiting. I wish I had the nerve to just tell them I quit and not give them 2wks. But I am too nice and that does not look good. Oh well no one ever said life was easy.

B.~

Hi Brandy,

Seems the advise is consistant at least.

I just wanted to point out that last post from K. Please notice K's registration and number of posts. You have reached the Yoda of the MB Boards. I think he's with you on this. Good to know!

Be strong about the job thing. You can quit with honor. Be firm, be gratious; firms loose people all the time. It will be unfortunate for them, but it will be ok. This is the first of many hard things you will have to do to leave marriage and start your life new. Just be prepared, it will be tough sometimes but you can do each step and be better in the end. Please take care - Dru

My state will not allow you to get a divorce while you are pregnant. Also, my lawyer reccomends we not file until the baby is 6-8 weeks old and all my follow ups are complete. I am on H's insurance and the lawyer said if we file now the waiting period could be over and the divorce could be final as soon as the baby is born. This could leave me w/ no insurance, ecspecially if there were complications in delivery. So, it feels that my life is in limbo for the rest of the year. Once we can file, it will probably be Sept. if everything goes well. Then the 2 month waiting period and the very earliest I could be divorced would be Nov.

Brandy. I too am so sorry you have had to go through any of this. I know it can be so hard and extremly frustrating. Like you my H and I have no children. OC is here and I honestly dont know how to deal with the ramifications of my H A and oc have on the rest of my life if I stay w/ him. I'm seriously considering leaving as well. I'm scared though because I don't want to be a failure or run home to my mom. I wanted things to work out for us but it doesn't sem like he's really committed to recovery. I just wanted you to know someone else out here understands. Take care.

Brandy80,
I resigned from an agency that treated me like crap. I typed up a letter..."This letter is being written as a two week notification of my resignation from my position with this agency, effective ________ (that day's date). I appreciate the opportunity to have worked for this agency." That was it! Short and sweet! And no....I "didn't appreciate the opportunity to work for them"! But, it sounded good ("kill" them with kindness)and gave them less fuel for the fire to try and pass on to my next employer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I handed it to my boss in an envelope. I told her..."This is my letter of resignation from this agency/company. I am giving two weeks notice as requested by the company". If they ask why...just tell them you're moving out of town...although you don't owe them an explanation.

Their attitude was quite nasty. I just conducted myself with "Calm" and "Grace" (although I sure didn't feel it!), doing my best at my job for the remaining two weeks. I just kept reminding myself that it was only two more weeks and then I would be gone! They were stuck with themselves indefinately! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Good luck!

Hi, brandy80 and calismile!

I, too, just wanted to say that I'm with you! I think I've about had it as well. I started dating my WH 17 years ago when we were both 17, and we've been married almost 9 years. We also have no children together.

It really is tough when your H's first child will be with an OW! It's truly devastating, isn't it? My WH is still with OW after 3 months of Plan A and nearly 4 months of Plan B. Well, I lapsed and tried breaking Plan B and now he is being very cruel, after having been so sweet and nice during Plan A. (I think I may have left Plan A way too soon, but it's too late now.)

Anyway, best of luck to you both! I feel for you!

Just a quick note, I see the boss just pulled up. It is devastating that my H gave the right to have his 1st child to OW. I don't think he realizes it. i have had a realy rough last few days (PMS). I also feel like I have failed and don't really want to run back to my parents, but what choice do I have. Thanks for the sample letter! It sound a lot like the one I have written. Isn't it amazing how we can't stand the job but still lie and thank them for all the hell they put you through! Will talk more later.

B.~

calismile
It is too bad that we are in the same boat, but it is nice to know I am not the only one to feel this way. Sometimes I get the feeling that because H and I don't have any kids that my M is not so important (don't mean to ofend anyone!). But this is the man that I have planned my life with for the last 8 yrs and just because we have no children together doesn't make what we have any less important.

I know exactly how you feel about being a failure. Heck I couldn't even make it to my 1 yr wedding anv. The last thing I want to do is move back in with my parents, but if I leave there won't be a good paying job (even though I hate the job I don't hate the money I make) or a place to live.

I have no idea how to deal with the OC. One day I think I can do it the next I want to just make it go away. I still don't even know for sure when it is due. I can't bring myself to ask. I still have the horror movie of him holding her hand and crying over the ultrasound pictures running through my head. I have been on the down hill side of this rollercoster for the last week and want to get off.

He has agreed to go to MC. I talked to my counselor Wed. and she gave me a number for someone else (she won't do it because she has made her mind up about H and it's not good). I need to call and make an apt. before he can back out. I think this will be my last try though. I honestly don't know what else to do. I asked him what he wants of me and he said he wants me to support him. I said I will support him in trying to make the M work, and try my hardest to support him with the C, but I will not support him playing house with OW or his A.

I just wish I could shake this black cloud that seems to follow me around.

Amen Brandy Amen <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I think lots of people feel that way & for that reason r quick to tell u to throw in the towel & just walk away, but if in your hear u feel your M is worth fighting for, then u fight ~ with all that u have.

Praying that your H sees the light & for you continued strength throughout this fight.

BG~

Thanks for understanding. I Was really afraid that I would offend someone. I have gotten a lot of advice from everyone and it means a lot and that wsa the last thing I wanted to do! All of our stories are similar, but they all have unique situations. Mine just happens to be that H and I don't have any kids and we were only married 5 months before all this happened. That doesn't mean that the perervious 7 1/2 years were bad. In fact they were wonderful and I think they are worth fighting for. But anyway thanks for understanding.

Here is a quick update. Still can't seem to get rid of that black cloud that follows me around. OW's XH's family is calling me at work to tell me that they see H and OW doing this and that.It is almost like being stalked by his family! Sunday I got a call at work with a building full of people. I told them that I know they are looking out for me but my life is none of their business and I am a big girl and can take care of myself. I felt bad for being rude, but all of this has to stop! OW called house and wanted to talk to H I hung up on her and unplugged phones. H gave her the new humber in case something happened. She need to look up the definition of emergancy! Not happy about that.

Called and set up apt for MC. H is not getting out of it this time! We are on a 2 wk waiting list. Monday night I had a nightmare (snakes yuck!) and H was half asleep when I woke up from it calling me by OW name. I blew up! I don't think that is a good sign. The last few days I have been sleeping in the other room. He was mad becasue I was mad at him for something he didn't know he did. Well HELLO! I wasn't going to be happy about it.

I am still hanging on for dear life. Still can't work up the nerve to walk out. I did go shopping the other day to by a new dress for a wedding next month. When H saw it he said it shows a little more skin then what I usually ware. I told him maybe it was time for Brandy to turn over a new leaf, and that maybe I could find a new man (just kidding!). I am a size smaller now then I was before all this so why not show it off and make H drool! Maybe that is a baby step in the right direction who knows.

Hope everyone is well!

B.~