Brandy,

Why would any one be offended? You are totally right ... just because there is no children does not mean that your marriage is less important.
I told my IC once that I thought that if it wasn't for DD, I would have give up ... and she said to me 'no, you will be fighting as hard' ...

I totally understand your desire/thinking about moving back with your parents. I do not have any family here. My job is not my passion, it is just a mean to survive ... The friends I had are no more since they don't understand why if we are divorced I still want to work on our relationship.

But I stayed. And now we are divorced but trying to make our relationship work. Huge difference after he finally accepted to go to counseling.
I don't know if getting divorced before OC was born made a difference ... I think it did ... plus I didn't know about OC's existence until he was 5 weeks old ... I though I was going crazy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


They mean well but but you don't need that additional stress about everyone telling you what they are doing ... good reaction!


You are the only one that knows how much you can handle ... whatever you decide to do: stay and fight, divorce and leave ... or divorce and fight from another place ... you will find support here!

I hope the MC works. We went to MC a few times. when he gets back from his deploment we might try it again. I just feel like he is not trying hard enough to make amends and find a fesible way for us both to make this work. I've tried to confide in him and tell him my feelings especially how I am starting to feel detached and it kind of seems like it falls on deaf ears. Most of my friends want me to leave but like you where am I going to go? My parents? I think not. It's weird because its like I don't really want to go but I dont really want to stay. Well I want to stay but not like this. I was hoping this break would help me out but I'm not sure it will.

I think My H may be seeing the light of day! Knock on wood! Last fiday I received to calls at work. The 1st one I hung up when they started talking and the 2nd one I didn't catch on that it was the same person. They fed me full of a bunch of crap about bringing girl scouts to our nature center.I really wish I had a job where I didn't have to answere the phone! Any way After I got the calls I called H at work and ripped him a new one. He told OW that this crap had better stop. I believe it was her or her sister. The second call they called me a b**** before I hung up. It was not the same person who has been calling me. It feels kind of nice when H defends you instead of OW! Tuesday H was off work early and OW called house. I answered phone and hung up on her. H said she was probably mad because he wouldn't answer his cell when she called. She left message on machine saying it was kind of important and to pick up phone. Then 20 min later she knocks on my door! H was hot! He went out and talked to her. I stood on the front step and glared at her. She is the most pathetic sight! She also drug her 4 yr. old along! ISn't she a grat mom! she had nothing to say other than to tell H hee needs to answer her calls. I was so proud of myself I didn't cause a sceane! As we turned to go back in the House I told her to nerver show up at my house or I will call the cops. And she screams out at me that she f***** (her words not mine)H last week. H swares up and down it is a lie. She is digging a whole fast!

Well that is the good part, if you want to call it that. I will fill you all in on the rest of this scifi movie I call life a little later.

B.~

Brandy, you are one strong lady! And, isn't it funny how H is seeing the OW for the pathetic skag she truly is? I know my own WH loathe's OC's mother. Do you think that is typical once the fog has lifted?

ML~ I hope that is what happens! I told H I didn't see what he saw in her. She looks like death warmed over twice! Her eyes are all sunken in and it looks like someone gave her 2 blacks eyes. You can tell she is a very hateful peson and that she is desprate. I don't know how strong I am but I refuse to lose my dignity because of her!

Here is the not so good part of my update. After she left I got the nerve up to ask when OC was due. She certainly didn't look 6 mos. PG! Get this she is not due until Oct.! I think she is and elephant! She says that she has had 3 miscarriages. As far as I am concerned she was never PG in Dec. like she said she was and there were never any twins! She never told H about the loss of the 2nd twin until he went to Dr. apt. with her and Dr. said there must have been a third one they miss. That is horse crap! I knew something was fishy! So she has been lying to H also. I think I might just sit back and watch her dig a hole and give her a little shove! As for H I can't believe he can be so stupid! I have been trying to tell him for months that things wern't adding up but did he believe me? No. I bet he wishes he did now!I just want to say I told you so, but I will keep my mouth shut. It only seems to get me in trouble.

Some days I think that if this wasn't all happening to me I would never believe it. It is all too unreal! And seeing how horible she looks has really improved my mood! When she came to the house I was in sweats covered in dog slober and dirt and my hair looked like I stuck my finger in a light socket, but compared to her I looked like a beauty queen! It is funning how little things make you feel so much better!

Hope everyone is doing well!

B.~

The ow isn't due until OCT? Interesting to say the least. Since it's obious that she's been ding more than her fair share of lying is there anyway to find out if thats the truth this time? I was also wondering if it would be possible to do the amniocentis test and do a dna test before baby is born. Tht way if she's lying about H bein father the stupid skank can be out of your lives for good. I'm sure seeing her triggling A*S did brighten your day especially to see how awesome you compared to her. Everythings ok over hear. Husbands away for work. We've been Instant messaging and emailing each other. Its funny because he's being more open now that we're away. I just wish he was ths open when he wa home. Hope all continues to get batter.
Cali

Brandy and others, you are not a failure!!!
We've all learned a valuble life lessons!!!
Hang in there!

Cali,
Well I think it is true that she really is PG this time. H went to her Dr. apt. with her about a month ago. I would have liked to have seen the look on his face when the Dr. said Oct! He is better at math them I am. I wonder how she was going to explain that one! As far as having an amnio done I doubt it. H has never denied the fact that all of these make believe children have been his. And there is no way she will do it because it would cost too much. H won't even discuss the idea of a lawyer.

Today is H's b-day and I am trying relly hard not to bring anything up. Even though I really want to ask what she got him. I know she will call while I am at work. The last couple of days I have had many thoughts of just walking away and giving up. I ask H the other day if he thought all the crap OW is giving us is really worth it. He gave is normal response to question like that, nohing at all. Sometime I think I have better conversations with the dog!

Glad to hear that You and your H are doing well. I have found that my H is a little more open with things when we talk on the phone. Maybe it has something to do with not having to see the suffering 1st hand. Who knows. It just wares me out trying to figure them out!

B.~

I hope your H b-day went well. My h bday was last month and things didn't go so well. We got into an argument. Can you guess what it was about? This whole stupid situation of course! lol. Anyway I was thinking is there really anyway for us to know wether or not it's all worth it unless we dive head into a direction either stay or go? What do you think? It was just a thought. Also I see that we mostly are the only ones responding so if you want we can just email too. My email address is cali_smile99@yahoo.com Hope to hear form you soon either way!

If you don't mind, go ahead and keep posting. There are a few of us (I hope it's not just me) lurking and getting a lot of help from reading right now. I just don't have any advice to offer as I am so completely lost in my own situation right now.
I mean, I could say that Brandy, your H's responses to your questions are just like mine - silence. It's very frustrating and has just been one more step in the D direction.
And Cali - I think the exact same thing. There is no way to know how this will all turn out regardless of which direction we go, but we can't let that keep us from committing to a direction (I have to keep trying to convince my still WH about this).

Thanks for keeping up the posts y'all. They are being read, even if some of us are too "ghostly" to respond.

Hello,

I can certainly agree with having enough. My H had an A about 7 or 8 months ago and now the OW is expecting. Her due date is Late July/Early August. All my H says is that he's in it for the baby. Well, all the things he does (especially when she has told him she doesn't even want his name attached to this child) proves to me that he isn't in it just for the baby. She says jump and he says how high. I've finally realized that I'm sacraficing way more staying in this relationship (eventhough we do have a son together) than I would be by asking him to leave and start filing for D. I've realized that I don't want to cry every day anymore, I don't want to look at him and hurt, I don't want to sit home waiting for him to come back from the delivery room. I just want the life I used to have back. When I was happy. I don't remember the last time I really laughed. Sometimes it's just better to take yourself out of the situation especially if the situation is making you someone who you know you never want to be. I wish you all the best. It's hard especially when you've tried so hard to make it work like I have with my H. I do still love him, but I think I need to love myself for a while and get out while I still have a little sanity left.

Best of Luck to you
Diane

Yep. I still think that a lot too. I just need to give myself a kick in the pants and say "Brandy, what the He** are you thinking?" But that is easier said than done. I have sat down and witten out all of the pos. & neg. stuff for staying and leaving. And I still see a reason to stay at the moment. I too believe that I am scrificing a lot. The crying every day thing is begining to get old (my poor nose has seen one too many tissues!) It is amazing how I was going along with my life being a happy newlywed and bam! All this crap, and here I am 7 or 8 months (I have lost track) later still trying to recover from whiplash! My sanity is hanging on by a tread and I don't think I would want to be around me when that thrad breaks! OW thinks I am a witch now she hasn't seen anything yet. We are starting MC in 2 weeks don't know if it will do any good but at least I can say I tried.
Well hang in there. I should get to work.

B.~

I meant to add that to my post when I tried it deleted everything I just wrote. I'm studying for midterms so I'll try and quickly rephrase. First I wanted to say to NTMEA you are right we need to choose a direction and pursue it. Whatever that direction is. If we want to leave; leave and if we want to stay and work through the muck do that too. The point is no matter which direction choose a path and persue it. Take some time and go to your quiet place and really think about yourself, your husband, your marriage, your families relationship w/ ow/ oc situation and weigh the pro's and cons of your life. Once you've been abe to to decide what it is that you want go for it and persue it with all you're might. Realize though that if you for example leave like DW1 was considering because she didn't want to cry andymore even though you may technically leave the situation tears may still come. The tears still come because whether you saty or leave that pain is still present because your hurt is what's hutrt. And whether you leave or stay you will have to find a way to work out or work through your pain. DW! you said you don't want to cry any more. I just want to assure you in time the tears will become less and less. I had to make a choice personally though that crying was not something I wanted to continue. I had to find other ways to release my hurt and other feelings. Go and get involved in something. Go help others in the process of giving someone else aid you will be helping yourself feel happier again too! As for taking yourself out of the situation... There are times when we all need a break and thats ok. But realize that the situation doesn't have the power to make us into someone we're not. Only we have that power. So if we don't like the people we have become because of the challenges we've been through we need to figure out what it is we don't like and work to change that behavior. We all need to take time and love and respect ourselves for the wonderful beings we are. If we can't how can we honestly expects others to do the same? I hope that no matter what everyone is going through we find the courage and strength to persue our true desires. Best of luck guys!!