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As a FWH trying to also recover from being a BH, especially since going NC with my BW/WW as she is chin-deep in her ongoing A with OM.... I've been looking for "support" on this and other messageboards. I went looking for other boards today and found this one: http://groups.msn.com/CheatingRollercoasterforBetrayed/messageboard.msnwTo my surprise, one of the regular posters there is my BW/WW!! She posts under the handle "Wxgirl2004." What's ridiculous about this is... SHE HASN'T SAID ONE WORD ABOUT HOW SHE HAD/IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. She goes on and on about me and what I did to her, and even posted something last week during our first try at NC that sounded like she was thinking of rebuilding, but not one word in ANY post about her and OM. Of course, I can see why...she came here to MB a long time ago and was summarily pounced on for trying to justify her A and not apologize for it (especially ol' 2Long, wooo boy, she didn't like you!) She's probably not anxious to have her bluff called by REAL BS's (well ok...she IS a real BS, just one that is also a WS). This makes me mad. These people are giving her advice based on a lie - I'm sure if they knew she was still involved in an A, their advice to her would be much different. Not that I care what they say...everyone offers advice based on their own agenda and hopes and fears... But it still ticks me off. Should I expose her to this group by posting a message with the TRUTH in it? Or is that childish and vindictive and beneath someone who is trying to do the right thing and get his life back?
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time - Snow Patrol
D-Day 7/27/4, FWH, BW/WW in A
VnusMars Story
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Oh Vnus, Vnus, Vnus...
You are violating your own Plan B.
You stay away from that message board and any other boards your WW posts on.
Your objective is to remove yourself from her chaos, not rejoin her in it in another fashion.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Keep hanging in there Vnus!
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You could expose her but she can easily go to another board and repeat the process or stay put and just change her handle. But my suggestion to you is that you should stear clear of any forums she posts because you are breaking the spirit of Plan B's NC and letting your resentment grow to the point where it will harden your heart and destroy whatever love you have left for her.
TMCM
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Should I expose her to this group by posting a message with the TRUTH in it?
I'm betting you already did - to at least a few people. My guess is that online BS often frequent more than one messageboard. They may not see this specific thread, but then again they might.
Outing her on that board is up to you. It depends on what your real motive is. If it is to be "childish and vindictive," as you said, you probably know the answer to that one.
Me - 32
H - 44
Married - 6.5 years
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If it were me, I wouldn't out her, I would read her posts to see whats on her mind. If you out her, you lose that resource.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If it were me, I wouldn't out her, I would read her posts to see whats on her mind. If you out her, you lose that resource. Why Mel, You little devil! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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Why Mel, You little devil! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just read her thread in another infidelity forum [ she even 'honored' me with one of my posts, imagine that- she even call me her H's cheerleader <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />], and my how the lady tries to minimize what she continues to do, oh well
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Okay, now I honestly have never been to another forum except the **edit**, but now I am going to go read at this one.
I feel compelled because of Vnus, to get a better handle. And hey, if coffeeman can do it so can I.
I still stick to my previous opinion that Vnus should avoid reading his WW posts because it keeps him in the drama he is trying to get away from.
Vnus, not making a mockery, and wouldn't do this if she were a W and not a WW. There is a difference you know (and recognizing that difference is also paramount to your well being/plan).
Last edited by MBLBanker; 06/13/12 03:54 PM. Reason: removing link to non-MB material
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I still stick to my previous opinion that Vnus should avoid reading his WW posts because it keeps him in the drama he is trying to get away from. I agree and I will edit my previous post so as not to add more fuel to the fire. TMCM
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Reged: 09/23/04 Posts: 334 TMCM, you went too far #2686750 - 04/08/05 08:42 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply You went too far posting messages to and private messaging my wife. You didn't help matters any for ME, and certainly not for her. I'm standing in her apartment right now as she is furious over your communications with her today, and I am furious too. This made things worse for both of us. We're supposed to be in NC to heal ourselves and maybe each other, and this set us back. I am officially leaving MB forever. I left once before because your advice seemed to inflexible and "cult-ish" - I came back to say "I think I'm on the right track." I should not have done so. Goodbye folks, I wish you well. -------------------- A simple mistake starts the hardest time I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time - Snow Patrol D-Day 7/27/4, FWH, BW/WW in A VnusMars Story Post Extras:
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time - Snow Patrol
D-Day 7/27/4, FWH, BW/WW in A
VnusMars Story
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You went too far posting messages to and private messaging my wife. VM, I did post to your W on two of her threads at the infidelity forum at **edit** [I have been a regular poster there for a quite some time] but I did NOT private message your W. What I said to her, I said it in the public forum and nowhere else and BOTH of you know this. TMCM
Last edited by MBLBanker; 06/13/12 03:53 PM. Reason: removing link to non-MB materials
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am I the only one that wonders if this was the mrs and not mr vm?
you 2th broke your mu2ally agreed upon NC.
sorry for typos, just got new Palm and still trying 2 figure stuff out!
Hey, can I be VM's new teacher, now that 2MCM is out?
-ol' 2long
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am I the only one that wonders if this was the mrs and not mr vm? Nope, I've wondered that myself my fellow MB 'cultist'[ are you ready for the next human sacrifice?]. Hey, can I be VM's new teacher, now that 2MCM is out? Well according to his W you will be more a 'cheerleader' than his teacher [ I'm still unable to do splits though. oww! oww!] but you can have the job, though the pay sure sucks royal a**. TMCM
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I am having a hard time understanding why you/your WW term MB as cultish, it's addictive maybe but cultish?
And as far as being rigid, in the chaotic and devastating world of infidelity, rigidity is necessary. Atleast the rigidity of Plan B. And if you had gone to Plan B when advised, done it by the book and stuck to it, this chaos you are still experiencing would have been well on it's way to ended by now instead of still being fueled by the drama.
There can be no grey areas when dealing with infidelity because of the nature of the beast.
And in defense of coffeeman, someone who I have a great deal of respect for, someone who has devoted much time to talking with you regarding your sitch, I think you are over-reacting.
I see nothing wrong with what he did. Agreed it would upset your WW as she is still trying to justify her behavior. This just gives her one more thing to place blame on, one more little drama episode to keep you two playing your game.
It's sad really Vnus because you keep letting yourself be sucked into her unhealthy reality.
Toomuchcoffeeman was just trying to get you to see all this, and I know his intentions are only the best.
We hate infidelity on this board, because we see and have lived the enormous destruction to lives that it brings. This is a place where those who are trying to survive it and find a way out of it are given a plan that makes sense, that works and that gives the betrayed (and the betrayor) a map. And that plan must be very concise and even rigid because everything else is out of control.
Your WW hates anything that questions her and calls her on her affair behavior. Completely typical of someone active in an affair and trying to justify it. Copied from the other thread because of it's relevence here. I suppose that's the trouble with both spouses reading each other's threads, you never can be sure who you are talking to. So many games being played. And no senses of humor! Vnus, I hope you stick around long enough to find your way out of this mess. You deserve better than what you are living now. You are so much better than this Vnus.
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I had ac2ally posted another reply 2 this thread, 2wice! and lost it both times. My palm uses "blazer" as a browser, and I still need 2 figure it out.
But we got my sister's new wireless router working, so I'm up again.
Anyway, I was trying 2 comment that I had gone over 2 loveshack.org and read the 2 threads Mrs VM has over there.
First, the positive things I saw in her posts: She seems 2 have enough hope for their M and love for VM, that I believe there is a chance for them. It will be a hard road, and that's where the negatives come in:
Big one: loveshack.org is little "better" than TOW, in my humble opinion. Lots of advice in just those 2 threads 2 "dump the FWH" *and* continue her own A *while* filing for DV. =a serious recipie for protracting the confusion, AT BEST, and dangerous manipulation of a seriously hurting and confused individual, most likely.
I was pretty disgusted and alarmed. TMCM, why the heck would you want 2 spend time over there? (and for loveshack members reading this, feel free 2 "judge me back". But more importantly, think a little more carefully about what you're suggesting she do. Think long and hard.
Mrs VM, if you come back here, please consider that ALL of us - posters THERE and HERE are just people, though many of us are or have been in similar si2ations. But there are trolls everywhere, and you may have encountered a few. Please see a professional.
-ol' 2long
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Okay, I've been "there" and back "here" a bunch of times since the defecation hit the ventilation, and frankly? I can't see what set the VM family off in anything 2MCM or anyone else said 2 either of them. Mrs VM is getting some advice from other MBers over there that doesn't seem 2 be upsetting her, so what's the deal? Heck, even some of it's no less "harsh" than some of the things I said 2 her when she was here, and I can't even be a "cheerleader?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> VM, I hope you come back, at least. But why did you break NC so fast? That wasn't because of anything 2MCM said, clearly. Get back on that horse, big boy! -ol' 2long
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I am editing my post out entirely as I don't want to cause any added friction or uncomfortableness.
I was mostly trying to share my concerns with 2long as I know he is thinking about Vnus.
Last edited by weaver; 04/11/05 07:44 PM.
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2Long, Weaver,
I must say that I posted on **edit** when I saw that Mrs VM copied and pasted my first post to VM here on MB. I called her a hypocrite and copied and pasted VM's play by play of her breaking NC almost every half hour. Needless to say she did not take my regards too kindly and we turned her thread into a flame war. When I saw the sheer folly I had allowed myself to get sucked into, I kindly took my leave. I truly do regret letting her remarks get the best of me and for this I offer my sincerest apologies to VM. What was great though was the appearance of dewt and resilient who posted to her in a much more constructive and non-judgemental fashion which she seemed to take with a much more open mind. For all the acrimony that flew between us, I hold no ill will and wish her peace with or without WM in her life.
TMCM
Last edited by MBLBanker; 06/13/12 03:52 PM. Reason: removing link to non-MB materials
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weaver:
Darn, didn't see what you wrote.
I"ve looked over there again a 2ple more times, and I'm also glad that other MBers are there and that the Mrs isn't taking offense 2 their posts.
There are some true gems there, though. But I think I've learned something: Mrs VM really does love VM. I hope they can both find their way out of the drama and back on a sane lifepath.
It also underscores the difficulty in getting through 2 a WS "on a mission". I have 2 remember that when talking 2 my W. I haven't the experience of people like Penny Tupy in breaking the ice and getting people 2 talk that might not want 2. At least Mrs VM is seeking help, however misguided and even scary some of it has been.
It's better than ignoring the problem.
-ol' 2long
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