I have not posted in a long time....I lurk semi-frequently.


I am not sure how to react...

Some background info:
I had been married for almost 10 years and things started to feel different. Got the ILYBNILWY speech. Swore up and down no ow. He was always home in evenings, no money missing or any telltale signs. Things just felt different. We went on for a year and filed for divorce.

I left the state for several months, bought a place to live alone and started to get used to the idea that this was it. Several weeks before the divorce was final he "made a big mistake" could we try one more time. 2 days before it was final we went down to the courthouse to shelf the paperwork.

Things went fine for a bit, then came round two several months later. Still insisted no ow. After months of working on things, my husband was finally "coming back" to himself.

Four years and two kids later I had my Dday. She was really cruel in her intent...she sent letters to my home, work and family members work...with snide comments all over the envelopes. She had left the state for 3 years. Upon her return, she decided that his life was going too well and he had to pay (her words). I am thankful that I know, I just wish it had come from him and not her.

Now, 3 more years passed and she calls him today. We really have recovered. I thought it would never happen, but with hard work and finally the truth, we were both able to become the partner we wanted to be. My husband was so shocked he hung up as soon as he realized and let me know immediately.

I just don't know how to react. I am thinking she has never really had closure and needs to hear from him that he is here because he wants to be, apologize for the hurt and ask that she never calls again. I think he just wants to wait and say it if she calls again.

I apologize for the long post. If you stuck with it....Thanks! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Almostwhole

wanna, has he ever sent her a no contact letter? I would suggest asking him to send her a no contact letter telling her to never ever contact him again. [we have some good samples on this website]

In the meantime, if she calls again, just hang up. That will give her "closure!"

Hi Wanna,

Welcome back!

I think if she calls again your DH should let her know in no uncertain terms that an harassment order will be filed if she attempts to call again.

She has problems Wanna, and this far into recovery you should not have to put up with them.

I mean three years later and she decides he has it too good? He is a married man and is where he should be. If she can't see that then I worry seriously about her mental health.

If you and your husband are in agreement, a NC letter may be in order. Although I wonder if that would just fuel her little fire.

Might be best to ignore and let the police handle if she continues.

Good luck!

Here's the drill:

No Contact Letter - Explicit that her contact is unwelcome, now, ever, forever, period. Let it be known that there will be no closure on her terms. She wants to apologize, fine - make it an action that means RESPECT OF NO CONTACT. She wants to violate that and pursue closure any other way, restraining order will be in order, period.

Go out and have a blast together. Make new memories. Be united that she is insignificant and not worth any further trouble beyond the letter, and the restraining order.

It's now time for your husband to shine. He has to let you know in no uncertain terms that he will do whatever you ask and will anticipate to protect you and make you feel safe from any threat she might pose.

Does someone have the link to the no contact letters? I lost my links again when my hard drive crashed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

This is one. Hope it helps.
Plan B letters

Susan

Thanks Susan, I needed that too, but do you have the no contact letter link?

Oh...duh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Sorry, try this:
No contact letters

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thankee, honey! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks to you all for taking the time to read and reply.

Melody:
Yes, a no contact letter had been sent in 1997. She left the state in 98 and returned in 1991 at which point she mailed all the letters and cards my husband had given her. My husband contacted her supervisor and she could have been fired but because she had two kids that I felt suffered enough we didn't pursue it. She was again told not to contact us by her supervisor.

Kayla:
Thanks for your input also. I don't think she called to apologize. I meant that I felt my husband should apologize to her. I realize that she knew he was married, however, he lied to her and made promises that he had no business making! The years have softened me....I would have never said this two years ago!
I don't feel threatened by her...just confused. My husband is willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel secure.

Weaver:
My gut tells me you are right. I just don't care to have anything in writing to this woman. She probably would make copies and post it on every light pole in town. I am just not up to it again. I will check to see about restraining orders...just in case she continues to push.

Thanks again to you all. You are an amazing group!

WBW

Your husband doesn't owe her anything. First of all, understand that with a psychotic OW, an apology only opens the door for further contact - she has proven from her history 3 years ago that she is this type of woman. She's contacting you out of the blue, uninvited, after that history.

Do not beg or borrow trouble by doing anything but what has been prescribed.