I have good days and bad days. I'm on my back after retinal eye surgery, so I've had extra time to think and pray.
My WW has become more argumentative since she's coming back now. I'm trying to Plan A long distance. She questions
WW: why do you think there's still hope for us?
Me: I hope we can be together again one day, but I don't know. I want to try and see if we can love each other.
That's the only acceptable way for us to be together.
WW: But I've been trying to love you for 10 years and can't do it.
Me: But I haven't been trying. I didn't think there was anything I could do. Now I do, and I have to know that I tried to meet your needs like the OM obviously did.
Me: I also know we can't have a relationship as long as you are still communicating with OM
WW: But we don't have a relationship. He's far away and doesn't return hardly any of my E-Mails. (She does sleep with his T-shirt under her pillow)
Me: You said he was going to come over when DS8 is gone to pick up things. So I imagine you'll go out and have fun with him.
WW: There is no relationship. It's over.
Me: It can't be over if you're still in contact.
WW: He's just a good friend.
I found credit card records that she bought him a RT ticket from US to Europe for next weekend. I'm not telling her I know.
WW: How can you forget what I did and forgive me?
Me: I can't forget, but I can forgive.
WW: But I didn't ask you to forgive me.
Me: I don't need you to ask for me to forgive you.
She's flying home tomorrow to file divorce paperwork this week. She feels like a caged bird. She's always felt that way. You don't own me!
Me: That's a horrible way to feel. I don't own you. If we have any hope to have a relationship, you can't feel that way anymore.
She keeps asking...
WW - Are you going to keep DS8?
Me: No, he's finishing school with you.
WW - Are you going to have me arrested?
Me: Nope. You can call the police department and see that there are no warrants out for you. (She thinks i'm hiding some notice to appear in court and not telling her so she gets in trouble"
A lot of the time I just say OK, and Uh Huh.
Sometimes I just want to know if I'm on the right track and if there still is hope. Sometimes I wonder when I should stop trying. I'm going to try and Plan A into the summer and see what happens. She does NOT get that this is hard on both our sons. She thinks its all about her. I'm guessing she's still in fog.
She had a phonecall with Steve Harley this morning that had her pretty hostile to me on the phone. She wants to know why we need a third person to help us. Why can't you and I do this on our own? What kind of man are you? (Bit my tongue on that one)
Steve told her to read all the basic concepts in detail and try to apply them. The first one is NC with OM which I'm guessing she can't do right now. I didn't get a chance to follow up with Steve for the game plan yet, so I'll see.
Plan this week.
Send Limo to pick them up at the airport. I can't drive.
Give her a small 10th wedding anniversary gift I bought her.
Play games with my DS8. Watch some movies. and see if she wants to participate. I've got flowers in the house cut from the yard. Tulips and other stuff I don't know the name of. She planted them all when she was here. I need a hair cut.
Come on everyone. Pump me up with some encouragement. Can I thaw the ice woman? Stay consistent right?? THis is tiring. Needs some MORALE SUPPORT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
