Received the note following this post from H on Friday regarding his filing for divorce . It's funny how when you know something is coming, but it still rips you to pieces. Anyway, I called my attorney yesterday and told him that I could not sign the papers as they are written. They call for a joint motion to file for a decree of dissolution. I revised the documents so that they are written as my H's motion and his alone. I cannot in good conscience put my name on a legal document that says I believe my marriage is irretrievably broken and should be dissolved. I will forward the papers back to my husband early next week with the note that follows below his. It won’t change a damn thing, but I’ll be on the record right up to the end. Your thoughts (and good wishes) are welcome. By the way, he's marrying the ow on May 16...


GS-

I have taken what you said in your letter to heart. I also look back fondly at the last 9 years of our lives. You are every bit the amazing person that I knew you were when we met in Belltown. As I've said in the past I look forward to the day that you are in a place that will allow you be part of my life in whatever capacity you can. Please know that I would have never even taken the step of moving out of our home if I had a grain of doubt about my future.

The 180 day mandatory waiting period will be up at the end of this month. I plan to file for divorce on May 2nd. I wanted you to have plenty of time for your lawyer to review these if you feel the need.

H



Dear H,

I have attached revised versions of the dissolution documents. As you will see, I have changed them to reflect that you desire a divorce, and it is your belief that this marriage is irretrievably broken. As you are aware, this has never been my choice or desire so I won't, in good conscience, be a party to it. This will not delay the divorce or change the timeframe in any way. It will simply allow you to move forward, as you have this entire time, following your wishes. You have mentioned several times now that you look forward to the day I am able to find a place for you in my life. To be honest, I look forward to the day that you can find a place for me in your life as well. Until now, however, I haven't come out and told you when I see that day to be. For the last ten months, it has been clear to me that you and I will not sit together again until your relationship with OW ceases. I realize that you don't foresee that ever happening, and it may not. We could never have imagined we'd be in this place ourselves. Yours is a relationship born of an affair that shattered two families. I choose not to be a part of that and cherish the memories we created together out of honesty and integrity. Although I know this means that you and I may never see each other or speak to each other again, which breaks my heart, it is a possibility I reluctantly accept. Although I choose to live my life without you in it at the present time, please know I will always keep the memories of our love and you in a special, sacred place in my heart. In the meantime, be well, you. With love always, GS

you did well...and you will have peace knowing you did all you could do. I nod my head to you in awe, as you are leaving this marriage with dignity and grace..

this other tidbit is coming to you from a woman who's wh remarried within 3 days of the divorce being final..ow was preggers. you will feel wierd that day, but be around friends and family. it is just a day and that day will pass. your xh will jump from a fire into a bigger fire that day. and don't believe for a minute the ow is getting a dream wedding...there will be plenty of people, even surface friends and family members who will have smiles plastered on their faces, but be snickering as the vows are repeated that day...they are fooling nobody...just as some onlookers at the charles and camzilla wedding held up signs of anger "longlive queen diana' and so on. It is silly, really, what they're doing. If they used their brains, they'd work on their personal issues first..ie, why they were cheating, what was wrong with their behaviors, any other problems, before remarrying...and they'd have some downtime to actually grieve. you see, the ws' who instantly remarry will carry an amount of grief with them. and it will be unable to be released around the new marriage/affair partner...I was enlightened about this from my old counselor. it will be like living with a ghost around their home. and he can't mourn it, or she will turn from him. so it will be just one of thousands of lb's that will happen to them.

in a wierd way, his instant remarriage made me get on with things faster. I know, I know...but it helped me not look back.

another thing to remember of peace is this...an affair marriage is not really valid in the eyes of our creator or in many religions...it is legal in the eyes of the law, but it is not valid either in some religious sense or in any moral sense. basically, it's a way to legitimize any children that come out of this "union". that's all. and to not have the whole stigma of "shacking up" smeared all around and such.

just remember, legal doesn't mean really valid. It's just a legal term...and that gave me peace. knowing I did and gave 200 percent gave me peace. knowing that I hold my life to a higher standard (not letting son see any men around me...he's only met 1 my xbf, and for 30 minutes at a park) and not having son see somebody stay with mommy overnight as his daddy did for almost a year. and have my son meet multiple people...my son went on a trip to disney with ow1 (shacking up with) and then xh had his other ow2 move in when ow1 dumped him...

having this closure is good for your healing now. you can move forward. it's not easy, it is like a death. but even in a mercy killing, like pulling the plug on somebody on life support, there is pain. you're proceeding ahead because it's the only alternative. you will be given the blessing of time and ability to mourn freely. your xh will not. you will be able to reflect on any shortcomings and work on you. your xh will not. and when you go out on a date, your family and friends will wish you well genuinely...and if and when you choose to remarry, it will be blessed. not a cursed union which results from families splitting apart for the amusement of two self centered persons.

may peace be with you.