I really don't know where to begin with all of this other than the beginning.
I married my husband 13 years ago. When I met him, he was the kindest, warmest person you could imagine. One week after we were married, he got mad at me and verbally abused me. At THAT time I didn't know it was verbal abuse. I just thought he was having a bad day, so I didn't say anything at all to him.
Three months after were married I became pregnant. The pregnancy was planned, because he had a daughter, and I had a daughter (both from previous marriages), and we wanted the children to be close together in age. There is where the trap began. The trap that would last me 12 more years and another child, (that wasn't planned, by the way).
For the first several years, he was verbally abusive but very smooth about it. He definately knew what he was doing. And I just kept thinking he was very nasty sometimes, but still didn't know what it was called.
For the last three years of my marriage, the abuse became more and more frequent. I felt like my head was spinning most of the time. I questioned myself over and over as to what "I" was doing wrong. I tried everything I knew to make him "HAPPY". But nothing I did was ever good enough, or right. I was called every name under the sun. Told how stupid I was on a daily basis. I was made to feel like a nothing or nobody. Soon my self esteem was totally gone. I became suicidal. I would sit and think of ways to kill myself so my children wouldn't know that I had killed myself. I didn't want to leave them with that legacy for the rest of their lives. For the last 10 years of our marriage I was placed on 4 different anti-depressants. Things would appear to be better and I would go off the anti-depressants thinking I didn't need them anymore. Then the fighting would start again. His favorite thing to do was call me horrible names in front of our youngest son. I asked him many times to go for counseling, but he refused.
For the last year of our marriage, it was hell on earth. I knew I either had to get out, or I was going to end my life. I chose to get out. Also for the last year, I found a verbal abuse bulletin board that was a Godsend for me, and gave me the courage to get out of there.
I left on August 7th, and have never regreted for one minute that decision. I filed for divorce the end of Sept. My lawyer says it should be over in a couple of months.
I can see so many places how and why it failed. Especially since I found this website. He wasn't meeting ANY of my emotional needs. And I on the other hand grew very hardened to him after being subjected to all the verbal and emotional abuse, that I wanted nothing to do with him, sexually or any other way.
The problem I am having now is, my son doesn't want to live with me. The court gave me temporary custody of both of our boys, but the oldest who is 13 says he wants to live with his dad if the court gives me custodial parent. The youngest son loves me dearly, so I know he wouldn't have a problem living with me. I don't want to separate them from each other, but I also don't want my soon to be ex to have custody of both of them either.
It's just a mess, I do know that.
Thanks
