This was EXCELLENT, great wording!!

At first I thought bringing HN/HN would be a waste of time, but thatn I thought...why not...why not bring it and tell her, "You've asked me 'How?' we can have a better M, I've been doing some reading, and this is where I get that hope from. If you want to read it you are welcome to, but I want the book back."

I would suggest giving her a copy of SAA though, more basic and specific to the WS. Make sure to tell her you are just loaning it to her...that way you can ask it back from her later (and often gives the reading a sense of urgency.)

I called the police strictly because I thought the situation was escalating out of control and my nerves were about shot. I told her I thought her actions would lead to one of us getting hurt. I told her if I knew then what I know now, I would have just run out the door, and not called the police. I said I was sorry she spent time in jail and I thought the punishment was severe, and that yes, I did call the police, but not to hurt her. The police put you in jail for the marks you left on me. I said that the other night and left it at that. The subject has come up less frequently though, so maybe the edge is wearing off.

I'll leave her my copy of HNHN as a mother's day gift with flowers. and her cleaned and waxed MGBGT to drive for the weekend.

Well. WW got over her weepy phase in a hurry. She called and said this would be so much better except for some things I did.

WW: We were doing so well after your visit to Europe. We were communicating having fun together. Then this angry person comes out of nowhere.

Me: That angry person needs to go away and not come back. I can tell you things I don't like without losing my cool. We discussed that.

WW: Why do you still want to be married if I don't feel guilty about OM19 or the divorce.

Me: Oh I don't want to be married if we can't get past those items. But I'm sure we can have a loving relationship if we both want to work toward it.

WW: Are you reading my E-Mails? I know you are.

Me: How would I do that? (We discussed paranoia and depression didn't we?)

WW: Blah blah blah. We could have had a nice relationship but for the nasty things you did, like cancel the OM19 airplane ticket, and revoked the Joinder to D.

Me: So I should have just let him fly out with our money. Let him pay his own ticket. I should just tell the kids, oh by the way, OM is flying out to see mommy.

WW: I needed to end it. Then I bought the second ticket because you made me so angry.

Me: You spent $1500 on a ticket because you couldn't control your emotions? Maybe we should have all flown over and had a really good time together. You, OM, DS18 and DS8. That would be cozy.

WW: Maybe you should have. You just made it so much worse.

Me: Revoking D paper was for me. I think with time we could find happiness together. But we both need to try.

Since we're flying out of town tomorrow, DS and I washed mom's 1967 MGBGT so that it would be in good shape to drive this weekend. Then I picked up some Stargazer Lillies (10 stems for $7.99) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> and put a vase in her room and a vase in the kitchen. With a card signed by DS8 and a bottle of French wine. Her room is set up like a B&B. Even changed the sheets! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

DS8 told me he hates his life tonight. I finally got out of him that he hates living in two places. I liked it when we all lived in one place and were together as a family.

When you're a dad you want to make it all better. Is it illegal to slap your wife and tell her to grow up?! I'm not even sure she's not hanging around OM in DC. Who KNOWS?

Freshly washed classic car - Free
Flowers $8.00
French Wine $9.00
Brass Balls? - $50.00
Suprising your WW on Mother's day - Priceless <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Radio silence Thursday, 1:00 PM PST.

I used this one tonight essentially. "Why are you so angry? You've got everything you want, divorce, custody of son, two of the three properties. Why aren't you more happy?"

Hi, Sleepless.

I know those conversations sting. I am sorry.

Everything she has done wrong is your fault. That is why she doesn't like you. If they were her fault, then she wouldn't like herself.

The fact that she really knows that the wrong things she has done, are her fault, is why she is depressed.

All you can do, is to speak truth when the opportunity presents itself, and keep the conversations very brief.

WW: "Why do you still want to be married if I don't feel guilty about OM19 or the divorce?"

You: "Those are your bad choices, I am choosing to stay married because that is what I vowed to do."

As soon as you are legally able, other boy's father needs proof of his son's involvement with your wife.

I am glad that your young son is talking to you honestly. This is a good thing.

God bless,
Gimble

More interesting babble.

WW called and wanted to know if I'd replied to her divorce summons and would I change anything. I said I had not and told her the paperwork was proceeding. She was not as accusatory today. Still sounds depressed. OM doesn't seem to be in picture anymore.... still. After some circular questioning and babble about working on friendship and how my goal of a loving married relationship and her goal of a friendship were divergent. I asked isn't your goal on the way to mine? She also got upset I came back to the OM after she claimed she wanted him as a friend one day. I reaffirmed he is not our friend, (Me, DS8, DS18) She told me to leave DS18 out of it because she's been talking to him. I reiterated that he wants nothing to do with OM and is still freaked out by the whole idea and will not discuss it with you. But you need to realize DS18's perspective even if you don't hear it from his mouth.
I had to go.... but she wanted to keep talking so she hung up frustrated.

She called back an hour later pleading with me to understand. Because of my personality I made a decision and I have to follow through with the divorce. She's frustrated that I don't think she's trying, but she sends me all of these E-Mails and wants to call and talk. "After the divorce, I would LOVE to have a relationship that you described. If it works out I would like to propose to you and give you a ring. I just have to finish the divorce to close the book on some bad memories and experiences." Her tone was pleading crying.

This caught me off guard, but didn't sway my course. She wasn't actually accusing me of the bad experiences just explaining her logic... which I oddly enough followed.

I replied that I understand what she's saying, and I think I followed with "I don't agree with the need to follow that path."

I'm going to present the revised Parenting Plan to her next week when she returns to DC with as few LBs as I can and explain in a non-hurtful way that Detlef needs to stay here for now because of her radical travel schedule and his need to be in a more stable environment. I also want her to know that the D is affecting him and he wishes he had one place to live with his family. It will be easier for her to spend time with him during the summer. I'm not trying to take any more of her money, just shift child care finances to my side of the column. I'll also explain that her current path does not consider DS8's feelings or needs.

[quote]As soon as you are legally able, other boy's father needs proof of his son's involvement with your wife./quote]

I forgot about that. I'll send him a private message with the things I found. If what WW says is true, OM may have taken the high road and gone NC. The clingy older woman may have been too much. I think I read that in a book somewhere. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I have the envelope addressed to WW old boyfriends' wife. I'm a little hesitant now only because his information to my wife is to stay with me, and he's backing me up. If he's just flirting because the are old friends, I don't want to crucify him. I want to ensure he's inappropriate.

Hi, Sleepless.

Quote:
=================================
"After the divorce, I would LOVE to have a relationship that you described. If it works out I would like to propose to you and give you a ring. I just have to finish the divorce to close the book on some bad memories and experiences."
=================================

"Dear wife, I love you and I want our marriage restored and I will bust my butt toward that goal, but I have no intention whatsoever of being your friend if we end up divorced."

Regarding your young son, it is good if you can reason with your wife, but make sure that you have a reserve of tactical nukes ready in case that doesn't work. Don't attempt to placate. It likely won't work.

A few years ago, I was told by an attorney that a child could not be carried out of the country without a passport and both parent's permission. Maybe that information was inaccurate. What does your lawyer say?

Gimble

Hi, Sleepless.

Quote:
===============================
I have the envelope addressed to WW old boyfriends' wife. I'm a little hesitant now only because his information to my wife is to stay with me, and he's backing me up. If he's just flirting because the are old friends, I don't want to crucify him. I want to ensure he's inappropriate.
===============================

If you believe that is true, then contact him directly and tell him to never speak to your wife again. He has no business flirting with her - period. If he contacts your wife again via any medium, send the letter. Don't warn him or tell him you have proof. Let him worry about what you know.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Sleepless.

How are things?

Gimble

Sleepless, I was wondering how you are doing, too. I hope no news is good news.

Hey guys. Just got back from my non-trip to Europe. Visited some cousins in another state and conveniently had no cel phone service there. DS8 and I had a great time in the hanging out with my cousins walking in the woods, etc.

I got back into town today. WW was supposed to be back in DC. It's mothers day, and I'm going to tell her I want to change the parenting plan in the D to have DS8 stay here for the school year. I had kept DS18 in the dark, but let him in on it when I got home.

Long story short. We tried to call mom for mother's day. No answer. I left DS8 at the house with another adult and took DS18 to the airport.

When I got home, DS8 is gone, his tennis shoes are gone, and his passport is no longer in my suitcase. I'm suspicious, but have no proof. Screw it. After a quick trip to the neighbors and found he wasn't there, I called the cops. The doors were locked, so she must have snuck in, and told him to sneak out with her.

Seattle's finest have pictures of my wife and son and have contacted Homeland Security and the Border Patrol.

I feel like a F&%^$g IDIOT! What a SH$#^$$%$#! I am!!!

Tomorrow my parenting plan and temporary custody papers go into the court. This is B.S. My wife has gone around the deep end! If I'm not careful, I'll end up on Jerry Springer.

How do you break it to your son that his mom is a psychopath???

Unbelievable!!! She really has gone off the deep end! Oh, Sleepless, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I hope the police stop her at the airport or something.

I'm just sitting here not believing it's real. I should be more panicked about my son not being here, but I'm so sure she has him, I don't know what to do. I'm not sure where she is. I'm praying he's safe. I feel confident he is, but.....

soooo who was this other adult and why wern't they aware of his lack of presence or her presence in the house.
Man i hope they arrest her....

Hi, Sleepless.

This is exactly why I suggested that you leave his passport with your lawyer.

I hope that you pursue this to the fullest extent provided by law.

Gimble

Down KILLER!!! Poor woman is distraught. Other adult was sitting in her room with door slightly closed. She was there in case of emergency, eg. house fire, uncontrolled bleeding, not for WW to tiptoe into house, and walk out with DS8. She couldn't have legally stopped WW anyway. WW has custody rights.... until tomorrow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Well I took it with me!! I KNEW you were going to say that. Yes, you're right!!

Tomorrow, the paperwork for parenting and custody is in and Plan B is ON! You said I would know when it was time.

I'm putting no significance in the fact that she took HNHN with her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

I didn't want to be right, it is that she is predictable. Most wayward spouses are. That is why folks here refer to 'scripts'.

Do you know what the law is regarding her leaving the country with him?

Gimble

Yes. She can leave the country with DS, according to the police until I file a parenting plan and temporary custody order tomorrow. She can't get a flight out until then. I've got a note and a phonecall into my lawyer.