Thanks everyone. I have a court date on May 23rd to tell my side of the story. No news from DS18. I hope he's doing OK. Attorney (she) has counseled me on how to proceed. I'm a little dissappointed a judge would allow a spouse to leave the country with a recent Domestic Violence arrest. I have received wonderful support from friends, family, and all of you. There is no more marriage saving going on here. We're in saving son's mode. I have a picture on my dresser a friend gave me of DS8 (when he was 6) on my shoulders. The picture frame says "My Dad, My Hero" I'm not sure I lived up to it. I didn't fathom the ability of my wife to lie and deceive until yesterday. What surprises me is the consequences this may have on her job. Top Secret Security Clearance at the US Embassy. I would have talked to her about the consequences of a court hearing if she had taking my calls on Sunday. She would have discovered the psychological testing that would be required, the exposure of the affair which has been contained until now. What's funny is that she used to be worried about the arrest on her record, but this will be far more damaging to her career, and she did it to herself without any help from me this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I discovered today that she somehow convinced the mother of the next nanny that I was compromising her safety, because I called her today at my attorney's direction. The mother of the new nanny (girl) was terse and unresponsive. I felt obligated to tell her that I'm worried about DS8, and I'm glad her daughter will be there, but I want her to take precautions for her daughter too. My WW can become emotionally hostile when crossed and she's depressed. I encouraged her to give her daughter a return ticket and money for a way out of town if necessary, even if she doesn't believe me. I'm just dying to know what story WW told this family. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Anyway. I'm fine. I have a plan. We'll see what develops. I'm still concerned about DS8, as is my family and all of our friends.

Thanks for the prayers everyone.

God Bless you all.
I praying for both my sons right now.

This sucks! How is it that a person you trusted and loved can simply go to a court and get permission to take your son out of the country? Does anyone know if you can send cards to a child when you have a restraining order against you???

I can't imagine what stories she's telling our son so that he won't talk to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

SIS,

Not what you're going to want to hear BUT with her being out of the country, it will put you in a bind on all of the legal issues. Service of process is required and, in order to serve her, your attorney will have to follow the Hague Convention. Its a big riggamarole BUT one amusing point given your situation is that a step in the process is for the US State Department (yes, that same one your WW works for) must petition the highest court in the country in which she resides for permission to serve her in their country. It takes forever and a day to accomplish, as well. For me, we began the process in July and my now XH wasn't served until October.

On a related note, your WW being out of the country will be significant when it comes to the Hearing on the RO. Ask your attorney about this to make sure but, if she does not come back for the Hearing, the RO should be dissoved because there's no way for your attorney to cross-examine her relative to her allegations....

BB

SiS, I hear WWs love love love ROs. Stinkers.

How are you holding up? Talk about your own damn self a little.

GC

Oh goody. I better read up on the Hague convention tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />. I know some of the people in the State Department. I wonder if they would expedite it for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Do you think the State Department would handle it internally to prevent an international incident? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Graycloud, I'm doing remarkably well. It's difficult to maintain a cool demeanor with a wayward spouse all the time. Now she's been telling stories to our friends and sons so that they are actually mad at me. Since I can't think of anything I've done to earn that much anger (I've been in Plan A giving her flowers, gifts, foot rubs...) I can't IMAGINE what lies she must have told. On Monday when she called to tell me she was leaving the country, she was actually upset that I called the police!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Our son was missing! She was supposed to be in DC!! What else do you think I would do???!!! What kind of parent wouldn't call the police??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, it's kind of relaxing to be honest. I sat outside Monday night and saw the legal service coming, and I didn't even flinch. I've always had good self esteem. There comes a time when you have to realize that you're a good person. And if she can't see that, then it's her loss. I'm wonderful. Except for a few LBs I need to work on, and a body shaped like a scarecrow, I'm a wonderful husband and a pretty darn good father. I'm just worried now that she'll start shacking up with the 19 year old again with DS8 down the hall having to listen. That makes me sad for him, but not me. I'm just a dad, who's primary focus and concern is his family. Right now, that family has been reduced to one confused little boy and a big boy I'm not sure about. I want to take care of that little boy when he becomes the teenager that doesn't want to hang around anymore. The dad that helps him with his first girlfriend. Life's simple, we just make it complicated. Last week, he couldn't sleep. He told me he hates his life. He wishes we were all a family again living in Seattle like we used to. I picked him up and took him outside and told him to look at the stars.... some people can't see those. Listen to the trees and sounds. Some people can't hear those. Smell the green grass and blooming flowers. You've got a warm bed and nice place to live and a family that loves you, but sometimes life is difficult and you have problems. That doesn't mean you should hate your life. Just take on each problem as it comes up. That's what I'm doing now. Let's summarize

1. Wife's having an affair with a 19 year old boy
1a.Wife attacks me for sending boyfriend away and gets arrested for it.
2. Gimble smacks me around verbally to SNAP OUT OF IT!
3. Emergency retinal eye surgery and 10 days of recovery
4. Wife files for divorce so we can be better friends
5. My car radio is stolen from my car.
6. My wife "takes" our 8 year old from my custody with the help of our oldest son, requiring another visit from the cops!!! (I need to buy them some donuts)
7. I have a restraining order filed against me and notice to appear in court.
8. My wife calls to say she's leaving the country and not to call her or our son anymore.

My life is still better than a lot of other peoples. I just need to take one problem at a time.

I put a new radio in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

God has blessed me, now I need to live up to that blessing.

Can I get an Amen?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

AMEN sleepless. I'm glad you're doing well under the circumstances. I've been following your thread and will continue to send + thoughts your way. All this time and energy for what??It blows my mind what lengths WS will go to, to ensure the marriage does not survive. Imagine if she only showed a fraction of the negative energy she is using in a positive way to keep your family intact. What a different outcome there would be. Just accepting the responsibility for her actions. Would have made such a difference.

It is her loss. Continue to take care of yourself.

Thanks confused. In the beginning of all of this, I just kept saying, HEY no one is dying! Now I can be a little more positive. Now if you want to feel better about your plight in life, read the book of Job! I've got it GOOD.

BTW! How do you get that "loc" that says where you're from on your info in the left column? Anyone??

I'll give you an AMEN, Sleepless. Her loss, I say.

You know, it seems like Plan B has begun. So today, I bought a Nintendo Game Cube. Now I'm going to hook it up and see what it can do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

We have a Game Cube. The kids have been trying to teach me how to use it, but apparently I have very poor hand-eye coordination. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I keep slamming into walls in the racing games, and going backwards. Talking to the T.V. screen and yelling at the controller doesn't help much, I've found (just so you know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />). Have fun!

Yeah, SiS, others have it worse. But you know damn well this is not a contest. What you're going through is big stuff. Don't deny yourself the right to treat it that way. It would be a cheat and a fake.

GC

My buddy from college is the manager of software development at Nintendo USA. I used to be good. But now my 18 y.o. can kill me. DS8 isn't far behind. The key to the racing game is small steering adjustments. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Why does a 40 y.o. know this stuff??

It is big stuff. I agree. But I'm going to grab it by the throat and ring it's freakin' neck. I'll be DAMNED if I let it beat me. With or without my WW, I'm pulling some part of my family out of this. That's my job. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> (Mad is for the big stuff not you dude <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />)

You have some nasty stuff too. At some point you need to say (F$%# You) I deserve better..... and you know what? You do. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that.... REALLY. It's not that easy. Try it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

My DS8 son called me today. He said he's doing OK, and he's having a good time in Paris. It's kind of funny, because I can hear my wife whispering to him in the background to tell him what to say. "Dad, can you send me my legos?" Sure. "Dad, when are you coming over?" (Well daddy has a restraining order and can't see you anymore.) "I can't come over to see you DS8, ask mommy to explain." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I'm more worried about what he's going through. I spoke with the police detective today who worked the abduction case, and she ended the conversation with, "your wife was allowed to leave the country because you were lying to the police." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Excuse me?? I was in shock. Now I need to contact the detective and find out what I was lying about.

Hi, Sleepless.

I hope that you do find out what you were lying about from the police.

I hope that you are innocent as a newborn. I sincerely hope that your wife gets in big trouble for what she has done. This time I hope it is for much longer than 40 hours.

The fact is, unfortunately, that females are the benefactors of a somewhat biased judicial system. When the female is wayward, then they really get to use the system in a way that was not intended.

I don't wish your wife harm, she is typical of many wayward spouses. It would, however, be nice if she could get into trouble commensurate with the trouble she has caused.

I personally wouldn't want your wife, or FIM's husband to continue on with a security clearance in any capacity where the well being of us and our country are at stake. There is a certain level or responsibility that comes along with that clearance. I would like to see that enforced.

I would really like to see your wife lose her job over this.

What she has done is serious, and borders on the criminal, if it already isn't. I certainly hope that her employer is aware of her behavior.

Don't tell me any details here.

I pray that your son is safe and that both of your sons understand that their mother's actions are wrong.

For you, I pray that God will give you a brass pair the size of basketballs, so that you can do the things you know you need to do.

If you ever need to speak to me privately, my email address is in my profile.

All the best,
Gimble

No details here Gimble. Only things she alredy knows. Otherwise it will be all revealed to her lawyer on May 23.
I didn't hear from the police department yesterday, you know, I bet they're open on Saturday. I'll give them a call.

Realize I'm not wishy washy. I'm developing clear boundaries of acceptable behavior.

I only pray that the court system shares those boundaries of behavior when it comes to children.

Glad to see Pebbles is going strong. Stay with her.

Rockets are waiting for launch when DS8 returns.

WW calls daily now. Phone rings, I answer, and I here
WW: "Hold on"
DS8 "Hi dad. I'm OK, don't worry. What are you doing?"

It's like listening to a hostage. He shouldn't have tell me he's OK. It bothers me how he was just taken the way he was. He knows what's going on.

SIS (Mariner's won)

Keep a log of all those convos. Jot down date, time and convo. Tape it if possible. It does sound like your son is being coached (by an illogical WS no less) and his call is not making much sense). Be very attentive to these calls. I know you are. When you have compiled enough of these calls, give them to your lawyer. Maybe even have those calls evaluated by a child counselor.

I am sorry you and your family are having to endure the WS antics. It is not fair.

Hugz to you and your family.

Aloha,
L.

Sleepless did you find anything out from the police department yet?

Post deleted by SleeplessNSeattle