Hi Everyone!

I am still trying to figure out this new system so I am hoping that I can reply to my own threads.....LOL!

It is a very ugly situation in the house. To the point where I am being called an F*ckin B*tch everyday. I was called a FB for leaving the light on in the computer room last night. He woke me up at 5:45 to tell me that! Nice!
I was yelled at for leaving the house to go to a friends house because we share the same lawyer and I needed my friends advice on legal separation. Sad enough, H's drinking got out of control and he punched me in the face twice. I need him to leave the house. I cannot leave because of my son's needs. So I need to know if he can be removed??? Anyone know?? I am desperate! All I know as I pull further and further away, the more meaner and meaner he becomes. All I know is that I feel I lost every ounce of dignity. But I will not allow this man to walk all over me and control every move. He is taking me off the checking account so I have no access to money. My Jeep lease is up next month and he is telling me good luck on getting around town. What can the courts do for me? Anyone in this horrible situation before?

But as I am looking at apartments, I look at my house and I just get sick to my stomache to what I am giving up. I am giving up a beautiful 2800 sq ft house with the best neighborhood to an apartment and most likly living in section 8 living. I know it is all material things but I just cannot believe this is happening to me? That fog is settling in again. Almost like auto pilot. How humbling is this? The hatred is taking over and I got horrible anxiety when that man walked in the door yesterday. My son's are the most important thing to me and he is the better school district. Because of his needs I cannot pull him out of school and keep placing him in different schools. My wish is to stay here until he finishes second grade which will be next year and be legally separated. I need help!!!!!!!

Ali~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Nice Title! Sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Ali~

Did you call the police? That was an opportunity to have him removed, restraining/protective order, and stay in the house.

Ali, abuse is progressive as you can tell with the name calling. Next time he won't stop with a couple punches in the face.

You said you have an atty, did you report the abuse to him/her?

Ali
I believe that if you get a police report of the abuse you can then get a RO on him,because you are a stay at home mom I believe he will have to support you while you get an education to be able to support yourself.
I do believe there are ways that you can keep your home,and get the legal seperation.
Things will be tight finacially for you but you can do it.

Do not allow him to abuse you this way.I lived with physical abuse for yrs.I was very young and very much in love and believed him everytime he said he would never hit me again.I also believe that because of that,it is one reason I am how I am today a very weak,insecure person.I am doing better but still I live under that battered wife sydome thinking and it is hard to get out of.

I know that you are a strong selfconfident woman,who cares and loves her kids so much but if this continues he will eventually bring you down,dont let it happen,dont turn out like me!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

If none of their advice helps...

Give me his work addy and me and my very large 3 brothers will visit to teach him some ettiquette, manners, and the proper way to treat a lady. Nothing makes me angrier than a man being physical with a woman, there just isn't any excuse.

Seriously, file a police report and then a RO...he will have no choice in the matter.

If you have any questions about how to have an EFFECTIVE restraining order feel free to ask. There is definately a way it works, and a way it doesn't work.

1. Once you have an RO, DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH S...DO NOT ALLOW THEM IN YOUR HOUSE OR ON YOUR PROPERTY.

2. When you get the RO, take it immediatley to your local police department and in NO uncertain terms explain...What it is for, Why it was needed, the children involved and their need to be protected. Stresss you are in fear for you and the childrens safety because he is so unrational and violent, what he has done to you and what you feart may happen. Go back once a week to update them and or remind them for the first month to 6 weeks, then go back every 2 weeks. If you don't they will not take it seriously, I know they are supposed too but as you know...THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GETS THE GREASE

3. Take it to your childrens school and talk to the principal, their teachers, counselers, and main office workers(including attendence officer), do the same thing you did with the police. You need everyone on the same page so there are no misunderstandings if he should happen to show up...(and he probably will)

Ask away if you want to know more, I have experience with this (no, not against me...I have filed a few)

be strong and get him out for you and the kids safety....nobody hits "once"...it escalates whent he person thinks they can get away with it for sure, it may escalate anyway but you need some sort of protection now, you and the kids. You'll get to stay in the house and he will have to continue paying the bills...the judge won't care if he has to live in his car to pay the bills.

Ali88 - Sorry I didn't reply sooner - I couldn't get logged in...

First - Sorry you didn't make it to equine affair - it was fabulous..Best time I've had in over 2 years. I really needed time away from WS and the life I've been living..

What day did this happen?

I had a very similar experience at home..I'll post my own situtation later - just wondering if it was a full moon or what that drove our WS to such lengths as using physical power to gain control/loss control..

Your only answer to get control of living in your same home, etc. is the RO...

I will say - you can't hit him back in self-defense..Believe me I learnt that last week. Police said they saw a mark on him and we both would go to jail . Yeah, a 120 lb. woman is supposed to not slap/hit back..a 200 lb. man to get him off her..PLEASE...I have black/blue marks he had one small mark. I only hit back to get him off me - yet I'll be in trouble too..

Honey, we both are going to have to change out lifestyles - but, it doesn't sound like either of us can live this way anymore. Your right he sees he's losing you/control and he fighting hard no matter what to try to do it his way to get back..

Get him out of the house...You have to do this...Let him be the one to go...

CYBER HUGS...It's tough - I know it is...

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all of your support! It means a great deal to me!

Is it too late for a RO? Because this happened Sunday night and it will be his word against mine. My atty wasn't in today so I couldn't talk to him about the situation. But I left a message with him and I told him that it was urgent.

He is so scary. One min fine, the next min, he is so freakin scary! All I know is that I am extremely embarrassed about this and all of my dignity is gone. I now feel so vulnerable and used.

Reborn man, even if you do "knock some sense into him" it wouldn't last. He always plays the victum.

Hurt, I know the equine must have been fun. Hey, I am riding western. Much easier on my knee. My friend wants me to get on the two year and half year old that hasn't been ridden since he was just broke and that was 20 months ago. "yeah rite" I told her. I am not on a suicide mission. If I was in shape yes. But I have no balance as I still am green. But man I still look "pretty" in the saddle. My equitation hasn't changed but my wobbly legs! But I know what you mean. I am becoming really strong he feels that as a threat. But hell, he didn't have to hit me! Did your H. hit you too? What the heck is going on? Full Moon? What I want to say is male bashing and we don't want to go there! LOL because I have some male supporters. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I swear I am going to become a NUN. I cannot take this anymore.

Here comes the verbal abuse as I type this! I wish I did call the police but he would have acted out of malice and would have done something drastic to hurt me not physically but take some of my independence away! Hate is an easy word that comes to my mind when I think of him. Sad!

But I was told today by a MB friend that someone out there has it worse than I do. So I guess I am thankful for what I still do have. But man it is tough!

I feel so ashamed though. Again I have to go through this crap but in a different experience.

Sometimes, I wish I can just ignore all of this and just go on! But he just wants to continue to knock me down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
You know, I cannot trust anyone. I say stuff to people knowing that they will fully blow my trust. I just don't care!!!! It is like I expect to get hurt again!

Thanks again you all. It means a lot to me

Ali~

Of course it is your word against his but is there a history of this type of behavior? Have you seen a counselor or anything to set a record of him doing this?

IF NOT THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO GO TO THE POLICE AND FILE AN INCEDENT REPORT NOW!

You need to establish this, you need protection...

Nobody can take your freedom unless you let them.

Talk to your attorney if you feel you need too but it is only going to get worse.

Hugs to you and your kids

Rebornman

ps- I didn't want to set him straight Ali...some people just need a taste of what they dish up...a big, heaping helping of it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ali88}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am sooooo sorry to hear this - I remember your STBX (RandyRail) used to be a pretty regular poster here in the 'Just Found Out' boards. Sounds like he's really slipped down into the garbage can from there. I wish I had something to offer you to help, but I cannot add to the already excellent advice already posted on this Thread. I can add that he, as your husband IS DUTY BOUND to financially take care of you - he can't just waltz out of your life or boot you from YOUR home and expect to not pay anything to help - PLUS he has a child with you. Most definitely see that lawyer ASAP!!
We're praying for you, Ali. May God bless you and take care of you as He guides you thru this very difficult process. And remember this: you are NOT! his punching bag - verbal or otherwise!
Harold

I filed an incident report on my x a couple of years ago. I did it about 2 or 3 days after it happened. If your h will be gone during the day tomorrow, call the police dept and ask them to send an officer because you need to file a report.

My x has a history of outbursts every year or so. So, I knew to be ready then. I keep waiting for the next one.

Go ahead and call at the first opportunity you can. I asked them to come at a time substantially later than my children's bedtime because I did not want to frighten the children - plus they were old enough to tell him that the police had been there.

File an incident report. Get in touch with a shelter in your area. Pack bags and be ready. Take the children and go the next time he even touches you.

Ali88,
I'm sorry for all the pain you're having to go through. I have worked in domestic violence. Everything that people are telling you here about the abuse becoming worse is right on target! Abuse is about Power and Control. The more the abuser's power and control over you is threatened, the more likely they are to increase the amount and severity of their abuse. You've seen it with the increase in verbal abuse...physical abuse..etc. Humiliating you or making you feel helpless or powerless is a power/control behavior. It doesn't matter what changes you could try to make, it will NEVER be acceptable to your spouse because he will always find something else to hold over you. Also, some abusers can resort to "remorse" and "sweet talk" to try and control you, if all else fails. The more your behaviors and choices threaten his control over you (Ex: you're moving towards more independent living), the harder he will fight to regain control over you. One of the most dangerous times for people in abusive relationships is when they are trying to leave the abuser. I encourage you to make contact with a domestic violence shelter or hotline. They can help you make a plan to increase your safety.

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE: 1-800-799-7233

Definately get a restraining order/personal protection order. It's not magic in stopping abuse, but at least you have a legal record of his abuse. Also, if you don't seek an order, some states will hold you liable for "allowing" your child to be in an abusive situation, even if the child isn't being directly abused. They could charge you with "neglect". Protect yourself and any children you have.

Regarding your spouse taking control of your assets...
Get something filed (separation filing, divorce petition,etc.)with the court ASAP. The court will often put a freeze on any removal of monies from accounts or attempts to stop payment on anything. When abuse is present, they will sometimes order the abuser to move out of the house, and you are given the right to stay there. Your attorney should be on top of this! I question whether it's in your best interest to share an attorney. If your spouse is good at fooling people, being the "victim", and wants to control you...it's my opinion that sharing an attorney might work in his favor and against your best interest. You deserve better in life even if it might not feel like it sometimes! (Just remember, your spouse loves it when you feel undeserving!! It gives him more control!)

Many, many women (and some men) struggle with trying to leave abusive relationships. I've seen very independent intelligent women who remain in abusive situations. To the public they would appear to be the type that wouldn't take crap from anybody! If it was safe and easy to "just leave", everyone would do it! Please don't beat up on yourself too much. Your spouse does enough of that for the both of you...and then some! You appear to be working hard to change things for the better. Good for you! Keep it up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ali, My STBXWH, who's an alcoholic/addict was extremely verbally abusive, threatening, and destructive, but he never punched me. I remember that awful anxiety though. I was able to get a RO when I filed for DV - apparently it's much easier to get one that way. It took me a long time to get up the courage to call the police and WH was absolutely furious each time, but I had several documented events before filing for DV and RO.

At the time, WH had kicked me and the kids out and moved MOW in. My lawyer said the judge would allow them 2-3 wks to move out while the kids and I were living in a motel! I went straight to the local sherriff station, presented the order (which said "immediate" - nothing about 2-3 wks) and they followed me to the house and evicted MOW - WH hadn't even gotten back from court yet. MOW flounced around all put out that she was getting kicked out since we had a 3000+ sq.ft. home with a pool, a panoramic mountain view, barn, and 90 acres while she, her H, and D lived in a small apartment.

Since then, WH put a bid on a house and took me to court to sell our house so he could buy himself a house. The judge ordered the house on the market within 72 hours and WH was in charge of selling it. He priced the house low and it sold, along with 67 acres, in a week.

I'm now living in a travel trailer on the 18 of the remaining acres with 4 horses, 4 dogs, and two cats. I had to put in a well, septic, fencing, and a pole barn. I get power from a generator. But, I'm okay without the big house. I actually don't even miss it.

Have you been to Al-Anon? It's really helped me through all this. Separating from an abusive spouse isn't easy and you'll need a lot of support. It can help you with your kids, too.