I just found out that my H scanned my most beautiful pictures, of my skinniest youngest days into our pc and when I was away...he used them pretending he was me,,, so solicit chat sex with other women pretending he was a lesbian. I know this because I kept catching him looking at Porn and purchased software to monitor the pc secretly.

The chats were so horrible and graphic, and so many people out there have been given my photographs under false pretext that I feel exploited and gross. He also received their photos in return, and they sometimes let him into their live cams. Some of them were quite young. (H is 38)

I dont know how long its been going on. He got caught.

To put it in perspective, I was away at a class studying for my brokers license for 2 days. When I got home, and checked that software (praying not to find anything) I found 358 individual chat sessions...from two days. And countless links to web sites, photographs, etc.

In every chat conversation he was pretending to be me, using my actual name, Julie..and using my acutal photographs... and making me out to be a disgusting kinky sex fantatic... OK....does this classify as infidelity? What do I do now? I have an appointment tomorrow with a therapist...because I am so horrified and degraded. He is walking around with his tail between his legs telling me that he does love me, and this was just harmless role play. Harmless??????

Dear Julie,

This must be really horrible for you. I can completely understand feeling violated and horrified. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What to do? Have you told your H how you feel?
Have you read any books about Affairs? There are some really good ones out there, like the one by Steve Harley, Surviving an Affair, and also the one about Emotional Needs, His Needs her Needs. It doesn't matter whether he considers it 'an Affair' or not. One thing I have learnt from this website is that affairs come in all shapes and sizes and mean completely different things to different people. If you feel betrayed and violated, you feel betrayed and violated.

Maybe you can suggest that your H goes to see an IC. Plan A is described on this site, if you can read up on it, and it is important. It basically means avoiding LBs and tryign to stay calm (thinking before you just react), and trying to understand and fill his ENs, while at the same time being honest and forthright about your feelings, and making it clear that you do not want your H to do that ever again.