Hi everyone.......long time since post...well I have not spoken to ww in 2 months...until 4/5/05..we went to court for child support,,,,My turn ...I took her back because they were charging me $455.00 a month ( I have meagan every fri/monday)....which $145.00 of that was for day care and DD has not been in daycare for 8 weeks....I won ...I now have to pay WW $311.00.....Well WW let me take DD to councelor the day before, and C told me that meagan hates OM and she would rather live with me, also that Meagan is up set because we don't communicate..( me and WW)....so while we were waiting to see child support ajent we talked....I told WW what C told me about meagans feeling...about crying on monday mornings not wanting to go back....about wishing that we could get along....ect......well we acted like adults...we did not talk about us .....or did she mention the divorce......( that she applied for last july )...I asked about the baby if she knew what it was,boy or girl. I asked about due date.....( I already knew the answers )I asked about if she got meagans gift for x-mas.....well it went well..Then some other lady came in and I started talking to her and making the lady laugh,talking about my new silly cat....I can see in the corner of my eye that WW was laughing to....After the hearing we walked out and walked to our cars and went ou seppart ways........well that was a tuesday....also OM was taking DD cell from her which i was told that was nothing i can do about that.....I told WW thaif she wants to use up her minutes that is up to her.....well thursday night the 7th mea called on the way back from dance and we were talking and ww got on phone to ask me about pictures that were just taken for megs dance class and she told me that she will split pack with me, i said ok...well friday ww called my mom whom she has not talked to in a while...they talked about the baby and other things .not about OM or me.......I was shocked......Well Meagan's birthday was this monday she turned 11 yrs old...well saturday meagan had three of her friends stay up for a sleep over and we went food shopping...well after the girls filled up my cart ,I was short ten dollars for the cost of the Ice cream cake so when I could not get ahold of my brother who takes care of my money or my mom...I had Meagan asked her mom....meg left a message...I call my WW back 5 imnutes later and told her what happened and she said let me call you back....just after i unloaded the girls and the munchies WW called and told me to meet her at seven 11 Which I did and she gave me $20.00 dollars and I told her that I would send it back down with meg......I gave her a copy of "our daily bread" to read and told her to check it out and told her thankyou for the loan...Well the sleep over went well and Meg had a good time as always...Well monday I told Meg that I was not going to send her cell phone back down there with her and she got upset....well I called her mom and she was nice and I told WW what was going to leave phone up here and that i was told by C to asked if meagan can bring it down there so meagan is not in the middle..WW said that it was ok just to leave it in her book bag turn off....that way if something happens she has an out.........or away to contact me or her...Of course OM does not know it...........but that is ok atleast She can call cops or me if nessasary.....ythat was monday......well Meagan started solf ball tuesday nite trhis week and I told WW I was going to all her games and she said it was ok.....DAAAA....well tuesday Meagan calls me at 4:00 pm and told me that she just saw me at the gas station ...she was at the post office with her mom and MOM told her to tell me not to talk to her at game because OM's cousins was going to be there......with her .....still lying........Then today my sister calls ( whom was my WW best friend before this all happened and they have not talked since D day)well sister tells me that she got a thank you letter from meagan for her gifts she got and it was in WW hand writeing....with OM address on it.,.....So my question is what is going on with WW.....should I back off again or what....

Hi frank! I've been wondering how you are doing.

It's wonderful to hear about the things you're doing to help Meagan through this. WW might be starting to work with you instead of against you where Meagan's wellbeing is concerned.

Isn't it interesting that she has to keep it secret from OM when she does things that are in Meagan's best interest?

Nice to hear from you frank, take care <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OK FrankD.

You are asking something that can't be answered because you haven't told us anything.

Most of the people here subscribe to Harley's principles.

I take it from your post that you and WW are separated and she has custody of DD.

And now it seems as if there is a chance to get back with WW and you are asking us if you should.

To what end?

What is the GOAL here?

IF you and the WW got back together, could you live with the circumstances of that?

If she has not changed at all, would that be OK with you?

When you were married, you BOTH said some wedding vows. Are those still in effect? Have they been changed over time?

There really isn't any "what's next" in your situation. Pretend that she is NOT your WW or XW or whatever. Pretend she is someone you JUST met. You have in your head an idea (hopefully reasonable) of what a wife is like. What you expect from her, what you will do for her as well.

Is this new person someone who you are willing to commit this level of trust to?

You can't ask us what to do because we are not you. Take the time to tell us what a "marriage" would be to you. Take the time to work through what your picture of a marriage is. ONLY THEN could we tell you what to do.

And when you are done, YOU will know.

The rest of the details of what has been going on do not matter. What does FrankD want out of a marriage? If this person, the WW whom you seem to now be separated from, is not capable or willing to be the EQUAL PARTNER of your definition, then what's next is move on.

NCWalker

Keep up the positive interaction with WW, Meagan needs this from you two.

You can not Plan B WW because of the volatile, abusive situation that she has Meagan in with OM.

I am so glad you are still in C with Meagan.

Keep being a strong, stable and loving influence in your DD's life, as you have been.

WW has made her choice to live with an abuser, to have a baby with him and to keep DD in that sitch.

You have no choice but to the stable, sane one. You must lovingly detach from WW as she has made a choice to marry someone else. But not stop communicating with her. You must know what is going on in that home because of the nutcase OM. If this ever changes, well then it changes but for now she is with someone else and your bond with her is Meagan. This is what matters.

Good for you Frank in being such a good dad!

My DD, my ex, and myself are all in C now learning how to communicate. It is vitally important to children of split homes that the parents can communicate and act lovingly towards each other. We failed at this and my DD is paying the price.

The C is working with her so that she can learn how to keep her focus on herself, regardless of which home she is in. Very hard for children of split homes to do.

And her dad and me learned the hard way that we made a mistake in thinking our lack of communication would not effect her detrimently. Well, I should say he learned the hard way as I never stopped communicating with him, but his new wife wanted me out of the picture(I mean like completely regardless of how it hurt my DD) and he was going along with it. Not anymore.

Thanks for the replys....Now DD has a Dr.s appointment tommorrow at 2:30 pm ....I let WW know that last week.....WW told me this morning that she will take her...now I was the one to make appt. well I want to go also to see what dr, said.....should I just show up or ask her appenion......I have to pick up meagan there anyways....