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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8
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2BeFree Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
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Well two weeks ago I filed for divorce. I was married for over 10 years to a very controlling man. The thing is I didn't realize how controlling until he left. The last agurment we had he hit me. That was it - It was over. The funny thing is I don't miss him, I don't think I love him anymore. I get lonely and I wish there was someone to talk to. I sometimes wish there was a man around the house just not him.
Any advice on how to deal with the loneliness at night.

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 57
J
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J
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 57
2befree,,

The loneliness is tough - you need to refocus on other things, such as reading, or being with friends - anything to make you a better person.. I have one comment to make on this though... I am now being divorced by the love of my life and the mother of our two children. She says she has feelings for me, but has lost that "in love" feeling due to a significant loss of trust. I was a very controlling person. My concern to you is this - Have you both communicated with each other your desires and is he able and willing to work on his controlling issues?? Him being controlling can be addressed.. You not feeling love for him anymore can be addressed. I just get concerned when I see people, including my wife, move so quickly for a divorce and not put significant effort to saving, healing and revitalizing the marriage.. Divorce is simply too easy to do these days.

That's all - I just wanted you to have no regrets.. and in order to do that, you need to feel you've done all you can to save your marriage and rebuild the love you once had.

The loneliness - well it seems the answer that all the counselors give all the time is just that "TIME". In time, you will be reimerged in your new life. Hopefully the book that is being finished has a last chapter and ending you can live with. Good luck.


J.D.
Joined: Apr 2005
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2BeFree Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
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J.D.S.
We have talked about his control issues and he doesn't see them. 6 years ago he had an affair while I was pregant and after the birth of our daughter, we worked through it and I forgave him. He has been so controlling I wasn't even allowed to speak to him unless it was on his time not when I wanted to. Two weeks ago we got into an agruement and he punched me, threw me down - choked me and toss me across the room as I walked away from him. Our son (8)heard the whole thing. I will not live with that and will not put the children in a situation where that is going to happen.
I am glad that you are willing to work on the issues with your wife, and glad that you realize the issues.
Thanks for the reply.

Joined: Apr 2005
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2BeFree Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2005
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Oh I forgot to mention that once he left, the next morning as soon as possible he closed all accounts - checking, savings, and all credit cards. He left me with two young children and only a little cash that was here at the house. Did I mention he canceled my cell phone also so our children couldn't call me if they needed me at school.
Yes I do have a protecition order against him and he doesn't want to go back to jail.


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