Hi,
Originally, posted this on Recovery, but hoping to get a bit more response...

Things are also going well for us, but, I am dealing with weird feelings. Some resentment, triggers, residual pain.

But, I am praying - hard - daily for the grace to let this go. DFWH was truly dead to me and our kids during the A. Like the Prodigal Son he's returned and is working ever so hard at Recovery. Just can't really let go of the anger, though.

Yesterday, H took a business call in the car while I drove. Caller was a female; nothing inappropriate. In fact, she's M, with 5 (!) kids - 1 set of triplets, 1 set of twins! God bless her! The discussion got around to so-called 'award' trips, which she is getting w/her H. Good for her.

The problem: my H got one of these trips during the A. He, at the time, told me no spouses were allowed to attend. I have since learned this was a lie, the OW went w/him. To Cancun!!! I, meanwhile, was taking care of three kids, and working. Oh, and as far as OW, she was/is M, with 2 kids.

Needless to say, I became very put out, remembering this deception, and it pretty much ruined an otherwise great day.

I am sure Satan was dancing with glee at my stumble in the Recovery road.

Today, H is interviewing (4th interview!!) with a new company. Although he hasn't had to work with, or come into contact in any way w/MOW, there is always the possibility as long as he remains in current job. So, obviously I am thrilled beyond belief that this new job may happen!

I want to only focus on that; not these old resentments. I truly believe NC has held for (over) 7 months.

How do you more experienced MB'ers do it???

Hi HT4J !

I'm only 7 months into recovery, and still have triggers resentment and anger. Less and less often, but still there.

The only change is in the way I process it.

When I feel sad, or triggered or angry, I'll tell Squid straight away and ask for a hug. This is always given with meaning. She holds me until I feel better.

She hates the reminder of her sin ( she says) but she loves that I value her love to heal my pain.

Long experienced folks will tell you that the reduction in such negative feelings are associated with forgiveness , time and radical honesty.

I believe that, and just work through whatever trigger I get.

I do not ever expect to forget though. Ever.

All blessings

Sorry I couldnt be more help.

Hi Bob,

Thanks. It IS helpful. What my H & I tend to do wroong is withdraw and stew over the hurt. Very bad. I think we are both conflict avoiders. Need to address.

Glad things are going so well w/ you and your W!

Many Many folks on these boards have been conflict avoiders. I am yet to be convinced it contributed to affairs but it sure makes recovery harder if it persists.

I'm learning <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

All blessings !

I can wholeheartedly sympathize with where you are right now. It has been seven months for me. Our stories have many similarities. Things are actually going great but I have a constant battle it seems with triggers and resentment. I can turn a perfectly good day into a disaster when the tiggers come up and that makes me so mad at myself. I don't have the time to write a whole lot right now as I have a meeting to attend but would love to talk to you more. I wish you the best.