Ok so I really need some advice. I am an emotional wreck. I have a 11 (boy) and 8 (girl). My wife and I are both very good parents. So we have had 50-50 custody since seperation.

Last July my wife told me that she had fallen in love with another man. She moved out in August. We tried counseling with two different counselors and got fired by both of them because she just couldn't commit.

She filed in October, but we lingered on until February. When I felt that I had to finally let go. Those six months were the most aweful time of my life. I became suicidal on two occasions and promised myself that I would never let meself get hurt again.

In March I started dating and found the most amazing lady. Who is exactly what I would choose and I have absolutely no doubt about her loyalty and ability to satisfy my needs, or my ability to satisfy hers. The only problem is that I love to be a dad. And saying good-bye to my kids every other week is so sad.

So I have put my relationship on hold with the new woman (breaking her heart), and I am exploring the options with my wife but I am overwhelmed by fear. I am scared of getting hurt. I will always love my wife but I am so scared. I loved being married almost more than being alive and when I saw that it had to end, I chose myself. Now I feel that I am putting that choice in danger.

Has anyone weathered a 11th hour return of a spouse? Was it worth the pain? Many of the factors that led to the affair are still in place, how can I protect myself and still walk into the same situation.

I appreciate any response.

Sad.

What I would deal is make a list (boundaries/dealbreakers) which must be agreed and committed to by her.

I would start with the four rules to a happy marriage by Harley and the basis of the MB concepts.

You can find them on this website if you haven't already.

Is a NC letter in order?

Why don't you list the things which you would accept/want in your marriage, and from her given her infidelity.

Now is the time to get boundaries in place and agreed upon by her NOT AFTER you let her back.

I needed to add more Really. I'm at work and my computer does not get along with the new MB website at all.

If you had written a plan B letter, what would it have said the conditions to get you to consider reconciliation would be?

Is she repentent?????? This is a big, big one.

And to answer your question, yes I have known people who saved their marriages in the eleventh hour. And there are many on this site.

Would it be worth it? Yes, this is the mother of your children. To be able to keep your family intact would be a wonderful thing for all.

And you might end up having an incredible marriage filled with true intimacy.

Really,
I am sorry that you are in this position, but I have to admit I am somewhat envious that you have the opportunity that you do. I am not sure that I will ever get that opportunity. Even still, I have considered the scenario in my mind and it is very scary. I believe that the recovery phase might even be tougher than what I have gone through already. But in my heart, I know God would want me to give my best effort to succeed. And even then it might not work out. But I know I could walk away knowing I had tried.
I have started reading Joel Osteen's book "Your Best Life Now". The first part of the book talks about how we put limits on ourselves and what we accomplish, thereby limiting the miracles that God wants to perform in our lives. There is nothing that God cant do. The second part of the book, which I just started talks about how we dont hold ourselves in high enough esteem. We fail to grasp the reality that we are made in God's image. Since we are made in God's image, we should never doubt the things that we are capable of rising to. Look at it this way, every day that you dont see the miracle in your life which God wants to perform for you, you are one day closer to the day that he does. Try and keep these thoughts in mind and as you continue your journey. I know that they have made a difference in my pma.


"I've been searching for a heart of gold,
I've been a miner for a heart of gold"