Hi All, This board seems pretty slow lately, maybe not everyone made it back. Anyway, I don't think many will be able to answer me, since I know a lot of you old timers have gone NC. BUT, The baby is due soon and we have seen the lawyer. The CS is more than enough in my opinion, but I'm over it now. I was shocked to think that the court would ignore my children and have us pay CS to support an adjusted "standard of living", while my 3 children's standard of living will now be 1/2 of that, whatever. We'll adjust some things and I'll get a part-time job while continuing my schooling.

Anyway, when we talked to lawyer, it basically sounded like everything was in her court. Which I assumed, but not by this degree. We're going to try for joint legal custody and visitation. She'll be breastfeeding, so we won't get overnights for a while (possibly 2 years), but I think we should get 8 hours a week staring in the fall because she will be in day care during the week, so why couldn't she stay with us that long one day.

I was just wondering for those of you who wanted visitation, how did it work out on paper for you, if you went that route?

Hope everyone's doing well.

My H and I are in the process of filing paperwork with the courts regarding visitation/custody for OC.

I don't really have any answers, but wanted to say that I was absolutely apalled by the court's complete disregard for the rights of fathers and their families in our state. My H pays a very modest amount of CS for OC right now. The order was set up through the Child Support Enforcement Agency when we did the DNA, and I guess they shoot low in regard to CS.

When my H went to the court to file the custody paperwork recently, the magistrate told him that the amount of CS he was paying would probably be increased by as much as 100%, even though he doesn't make very much money because "any one can get a job making $7 an hour at McDonald's".

The court tells my H he may end up paying nearly $600 a month in CS....which will kill my family. I get angry, too. Why should my children suffer so that OC has excess? XOW does not work, is a full time student living with her mother and driving her grandmother's car. Why should I have to pay to support her? My H is a SAHD, I may have to give up a job I love and a career I worked very hard for to get us through the next 16 years.

Anyways, way off topic here. Our OC is four, we are asking for every Weds overnight, every other weekend from Friday thru Sunday, and alternating holidays. XOW has so far agreed to this, so hopefully it will become permanent orders in June.

I think with a newborn the situation is very delicate and I have no idea how the courts will handle it. When our OC was a newborn we were strict NC, so I never had to deal with that. I think your eight hours idea is lovely. I think that a judge would see that this is a very modest and appropriate visitation request for a baby. I'm sure overnights will be out of the question for at least a year or more, but you seem aware of that possibility. Alternatively, a judge might feel that any alone time with the OC is inappropriate at this age and order supervised visitations or visits at OW's house or public places only until OC is older. I hope not.

I wish you the best of luck. When are you going to court? Please keep us updated, I'm very interested to see how the courts treat your situation.

Is XOW being amicable, or is she fighting the visitaion?

[color:"blue"] sorry, i wrote earlier but *POOF*....you know how that goes! aarrggghhh!

But anyhoo, what I learend from C is that EVERYTHING needs to be written IN teh visitaiton orders. Don't leave anything to chance or the expectation that the other party will be 'reasonable' & cooperative. DETAILS, details, details, make sure the paperwork says the exact days & times of visits, who's responsible for transportation ect.

Also a good statement to include {if your state has this} is that both parties agree to attend mediation @ teh request of either party & also that the order cna be reviewed and/or changed evevry year. Thsi is especially good w/ a growign child as needs change & develop.

Now.as far as CS goes, why couldn't you request a hardship for the other kids you have @ home? Is that an option? It is in my state.......it is an option that is up to the judge but the judge granted a little bit of credit for OUR kids, every little bit helps.

I too had to get a part-time job @ first to handle the CS (it was initially OVER $500 for OC & our hardship credit for 2 kids was LESS) but it is signifigantly lower now & you're right, you adjsut & you get used to it.

hope that helps a bit & I hope htis post doesn't disappear this time!

xoxoxoxo
kt[/color]

Thanks for your responses. I guess I was thinking that the more specific we made the visitation agreement, the better, but the lawyer said he didn't think we should do that?? I don't understand any of this, why we have a lawyer for one. LOL

We will be paying almost $800/month according to the calculations. We don't live high on the hog or anything. My H owns his own business and has been on the verge of filing for bankruptcy for years. Basically he can't afford to pay us what he does, but we've been trying to make it until I finish school and become employed. The CS doesn't take into account that we pay higher health ins premiums for our children or that my youngest has outstanding medical expenses from a birth defect or the fact that I have no income. So, we are really getting the raw end of the deal and I guess all I can hope for is that the judge recognizes this and makes any kind of adjustment.

As far as visitation, I'm fine w/no overnites for a couple years, but I thought it would be better for H to have more frequent visits w/less duration. Like maybe she could drop baby here instead of daycare in the AM and then he could spend an hour w/her and take her to daycare and then she could stay w/us a couple hours on Sat or something. Then as she grew we could increase the duration and decrease the frequency until we got to the standard every other weekend thing.

I just feel like we're supposed to go into court w/no voice and hope for the best. Maybe things will seem different the next time we see lawyer (after baby is born), but I am at least going to say something to lawyer about how I feel about all this.

Later, C

You know KT would know more on how to do this, and I'm not sure if it varys from state to state, but there is something I have no idea what it's called that you can get credit for certain types of things. KT if you can chime in here? Anyways.......with him being selfemployed there are certain expenses that he can claim as well regarding his income that do come in affect for cs. My xmm is self employed and he was able to claim normal expenses. Face it you do have to live too. Also, you son's condition should be taken into consideration I would think too. What is wrong with your attorney? He should know this.