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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 56
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 56 |
I've only been in Plan B nearing a month.
I've haven't exactly been dark as my WH comes over and tries to seduce me. As with Pepperband's recommendation, I just ask him whether he is ready to fulfill the requirements of the letter. That usually gets him ready to leave. Anyway, lately he says that he already has NC. Although when I ask him if he's ready to fulfill the requirements of the letter, he says nothing.
Should him and I have a sitdown and go through what's needed for recovery? Or do I still need to stay in Plan B?
Me (25 - BW)
Him (34 - WH)
Married (3.5 yrs)
D-Day (11/18/2004)
Plan A (12/15/2004 - 3/21/2005)
Plan B (3/21/2005 - )
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
hurtwife, I don't know enough about plan B, but just giving you a bump up to see if someone can help.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
You are too early in Plan B to expect anything from him. You must stay very dark. Usually nothing happens for about 3 months. That is when my WH showed up and wanted to move back in.
Your WH is testing your boundaries. Keep them strong.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
As with Pepperband's recommendation, I just ask him whether he is ready to fulfill the requirements of the letter. That usually gets him ready to leave. That doesn't sound to me like he is ready to commit to the conditions of your letter. Every time you let him in your house, you simply prolong any possible recovery because he gets his "fix." I wouldn't let him in at all. Meet him at the door and ask him if he has met the conditions of your letter. If he says no, tell him to leave you alone until he does and then close the door. He doesn't sound committed at all and I think he doesn't believe you really mean it when you continually let him in. No contact means no contact, I would show him that you MEAN it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Listen to Melody. She told me the same thing - and by the way, kept me from letting WH move back in while still in contact with his OW. The longer you let him get his fix from you, the more time he has to cement his relationship with OW. My WH is still with OW after almost 2 and a half years.
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 80
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 80 |
so when exactly are you planning on starting plan B..
cause the contact you are talking about ain't nothing close to plan B...
you are still in the mix of things
still in the drama....
and even more damaging you are asking a WS to put meaning and actions behind their words..when you yourself aren't doing the same...
plan b is all about no more contact and drama..in action after giving written information that this is your plan...
we expect WS words to be empty
we expect BS words to be what they say they are...
I suggest you GO TO plan B
I believe you can do a stellar plan B...
I believe until you have meaning to your words...you will flounder in this chaos...and WS will drag you around in his little red wagon as long as you are willing to sit there and be pulled...
today looks like a marvelous day to start plan B...
I believe in you...
ARK
Last edited by ark; 04/16/05 05:22 AM.
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