Mimi

I just finished reading your story on cc’s tread. It took me 2 days to complete it. I think the term that describes you is Goddess. I was amazed at your strength to endure what you did. I am also a BS only male. Your strength has inspired me. But I have a few questions for you if you don’t mind.
A little of my story first. I am a 53 year man who has been married to the same woman for 29 years. I have never cheated on her in any manner(EA or PA). I found last May that she was having an affair with her high school boyfriend. He lives in another state but was working nearby us in another state. Since this revelation I have tried to Plan A for 6 month and now I am in Plan B. Seven weeks with no contact with her at all. She has moved to another state and interesting enough not the OM’s state. He did not leave his wife for her but has been providing her with money. He has a couple of million in the bank. So she moved out and I have been in Plan B since. She is a very prideful woman and very stubborn. Since this revelation she revealed to me that she has cheated on me 2 other times. One was a ONS and the other a 4 month fling. Of course, I was devasted and I still am. She has shown no remorse. In fact she said to me one time that he “saved my spirit”.
My questions for you are, how did you get over the anger and resentment? How did you forgive your husband? How did you get over the feeling of betrayal and the fact that he chose another? I am struggling right now to decide if I want her back. My heart says I do but my brain says no way. You and your H recovered. I know it must have been very hard. How do I convince myself that saving my marriage is worth the effort if she decides she wants to reconcile. In the separation agreement she basically gave me all the assets. I know she feels guilty. I am struggling with all this.
I have been following your replies to Georgia Guy so I know that you have been where I am and give excellent advice.

bump

Hopeful:

I'm not ignoring you. I'm sorry but I can't post that much on the weekends. FWH hates for me to come to this site. I will get with you when I can. OK?

Hang in there. I'll be sure to answer you.

Mimi, as I was reading Hopefuls post, I was wondering if your FWH minds that you still post here. Then viola! You answered with your reply to Hopeful.

I have read a lot of your posts to Mimi and just want to add my thanks for your knowledge and insight to all of us who just wonder why the heck we hang on. You are an inspiration!!


Sorry Hopeful, I just wanted to say I'm in agreement with you about Mimi, she's g-r-e-a-t!!

Mimi I understand. I look forward to reply. I have read quite a bit of your posts and you are indeed wise.

Hopeful:

You asked:



WOW! You asked me a lot of questions. I'm not sure that I know all of the answers. "It is the way it is" is my best answer. I just know that I loved my H. As bad as he treated me, in the best of times, he has treated me better than anyone else has ever treated me. In my case, I knew that he really loved me in the past. He didn't love me during the time he was having the A. I was hopeful (LIKE YOUR NAME) that he could love me again. He really does!

I think an important factor for me was I began to take responsibility for the part I played in letting the OW step in... There was no excuse for him dealing with our marital problems by befriending her. However, I did leave the door open for her to come in. I took my H for granted. So this minimized my anger and resentment.

Another factor is my H has been remorseful and continues to be so. At first, this wasn't obvious since he doesnt't say it so much in words as actions. This seems different than your WW at this point. However, it sounds like she may be coming around.

Don't downplay the value and importance of your role as a financial provider to her. This is an EN for a woman, not just a payout. I saw you expressing resentment about this in your other thread.

You asked:



Just like me, you have been with your WW forever. Your lives are so entwined on so many levels, HOPEFUL, you don't even need to ask me this question. You really know the answer to this. You must be finding it hard to figure out how to live without her. She is having that same problem just about now. It will become more and more difficult for her as she remains in PLAN B.

STAY DARK......

Join with GEORGIA in becoming a GLADIATOR!

Mimi, thank you so much for reply. She have shown such strenght and courage to a lot of us. WW in past has also treated me better than any one in my life but this affair has me devastated. I am beginning to feel indifferent toward her not mad or angry not love or affection but indifferent. Sure we shared 29 years together, but I will never ever forget this pain that she has put on me and my darling children. Even though they are adults they still hurt just the same. I understand what you are saying about your WH being remorseful and acting to protect you. I have not seen any remorse from her nor is she acting to protect me. So for now just call me Dark and Hopeful.

"Dark and Hopeful"

Remember I'm a few years out from you, making a path for you to follow.

You said:



Now that you mention it, I remember feeling the way you do. That's what PLAN B does. You have locked your love for her away in a safe place. If she comes back home, the love will resurface.

I also recall feeling so hurt and devastated. I actually still have periods of time when that comes down on me. It still can be overwhelming. I have to stop and ask myself did I do the right thing by taking my H back. It gets better as time goes by. He surprises me by doing something special and wonderful and that makes it all worthwhile....

Hang in there. At least you know that you have done all that you can do...... It's in her hands now.

Thank you Mimi for sharing with me. I also feel I have done all I can do. I have even told my children the very same thing. Your right it is out of my hands.