Background: my husband became very depressed late last year and it still depressed. He found a friend (a woman) who he got very close to. We started becoming more and more distant and even almost split up. He told me last month that he had become very close to this woman and she even wanted him to leave me for her. He said that he had thought about it because he was convinced that we were over. This was a shock to me! I knew that we hadn't been very close lately, but I didn't feel like he was thinking about leaving me. Then he told me everything that had happened between him and this woman and told me that he was stopping everything. He even sent me an email that he sent to her saying that they shouldn't talk anymore. But, today, I found proof that they were still talking. I feel so betrayed. I know he is depressed and he needs someone to be there for him, but why not me? I try to tell him that I love him and that I am here for him, but he's not letting me. Instead he is holding on to her. What do I do??? I don't want to give up and I don't want him to give up. I know he is unhappy and why (his career/education/life position). But I can't do anything to make him happy with his life and it makes me feel like I've failed him. What do I deal with first??? The A or the depression???? Please someone advise. I'm all alone here and I don't know how to deal with this so that we can survive this together. I love my husband. I don't want to be without him and I know that he doesn't want to be without me. He's just very unhappy with himself. My heart is broken. Just completely broken. And I don't know how much more fight I have in me. [color:"blue"] [/color]

Welcome to marriage builders. Your situation seems somewhat promising, because at least he offered to end contact with the OW. I would read about Plan A here, and get into it quickly, but also your husband needs to be treated for depression.

You might want to post on the general questions forum, as there is more traffic there, and you will get more help.

We all have been through the terrible shock of having this happen. I promise you that it does get much better.

Hi Happy panda,

this must be really tough. I'm sorry for your pain.

At least you found this place and there are numerous resources to help. Please read up on Plan A - its basically common sense, in trying to understand your H's emotional needs and meet them, trying not to use love busters, and exposing the affair to others.
It is a good sign that your H has wanted to try to end the A.
Its not easy for him, because he is addicted, and you can read about withdrawal in Suzet's thread on this page. You may have to expose the A to some significant people in your lives as a means of hastening its end. THe reason for this is that As thrive in secrecy, because they are based on fantasy. Once people who are important to your H - his family, your family, your friends, maybe even his employer - know about it, it is much harder to see it as a 'fantasy'.
Please keep postign and let us know how you go.

Here is the direct links to make it easier for you:

Withdrawal thread

Plan A and Plan B

Happypanda, I’m sorry you have to go through this and suffer the consequences & pain of your H’s betrayal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I have once been in your H shoes and suffered severe withdrawal from my OM “friend” (look at my signature and read the Bio link in my profile it you want to know more). I want you to know that there IS hope for your situation and you and your H CAN heal & recover from this... The fact that your H is willing to end contact with OW is a very good & positive sign. I agree with the others that your H probably suffers from depression and needs help. He is also addicted to the OW and that’s why he slipped up and had contact with OW in spite of his intentions to have NC. The withdrawal thread will be of much insight to you and you will find it very helpful. Maybe you can also print it out (as well as the additional links on that thread) and give it to you H to read. He will find it helpfull as well.

Blessings,
Suzet