Hi All, been quite some time since I last logged in and many things have happened.

In brief, Some 10 month ago I caught WS at the start of an EA, which eventually moved into a PA. We have been living apart for approx 5 months now as a result. Tried separate MC, then joint MC for a few sessions, until I realised WS needed to sort many things out before we had a chance at joint MC, i.e., she was still lying about her feelings for OP amongst other things. Anyway, the changes are as follows;

1. The first is that the doctor diagnosed me as suffering from depression as a result of the the stress of the A.
2. He has given me some medicine to take (Aropax), only been a week since I was placed on it so not much change as yet.
3. Told WS that it was over for good as I couldn't see a way forward. She still resorts to telling lies about most things and I know there has been ccontact with OP again. She also thinks that it's ok to act like a single woman and have her own friends to go out with. Kind of hard to build trust when she is hanging around with the friends that allowed this to happen.

Wow, this is still so painful to talk about.

With the anti D's, how long before they start to work and how long should I stay off work as I really have a demanding job that gives me a knot in the gut and cold sweats when I think about going back at present?

Hi RM!

The doctor told me it normally takes 3/4 weeks for AD's to really kick in. It is very important to get physical exercise to help balance the chemicals in your body also.

So make sure you try to start walking/running/swimming.

When the AD's kick in you will feel strong enough to go back to work. I would not go back before then, if you are on a leave of absence then use this time to get yourself together as another leave of absence probably won't be possible.

You may have to do something drastic, as living with her under these circumstances is not the best for your mental/emotional health. As you have already found out.

How was your Plan A? Is it time for Plan B?

Hi Weaver,
3-4 weeks before they really start to work, that's a few more weeks away. Will take up your suggestion and try to extend some more time off.

Plan's A and Plan B seemed to work for a while. Only problem was that I still did not really see WS taking ownership / responsibility of anything. Spoke all the right words in MC, but her actions were still very self centred and she was lying to counsellor, hence my stopping joint MC with her. The result of her continued lies gave me little choice except to close off this chapter in our lives and have the Legals draw up separation agreements. In my heart I know that it's the right thing to do as I saw WS's mum do this exact same thing to her natural dad. It dragged on for years and I don't want to have this happen to me as I couldn't cope with a prolonged / re-occuring A. Having said that it's still hard as I thought that this woman was my partner for life. Oh, and by the way, WS has initiated contact with the OP again, that was the icing on the cake / signal from above for me. I am sure that I am not alone here in feeling this way.

Sorry buddy. One, you need to post here more often than you have. I found that it relieves stress to let out your anxiety.

I started on AD's about 5 weeks ago. They begin to work after about a week, but aren't fully effective until the 3-4 weeks. I have a really demanding job too, but with understanding and supportive coworkers. If your boss is sensitive, let him know you're struggling with marital problems. It helps explain some of your behavior to him/her.

My wife is not taking ANY ownership. In Plan A, they won't! We've talked to Steve Harley, and she thinks he's a quack. My wife is IN THE FOG. Sounds like yours is too. You can't take her statements too seriously. You need to get some exercise and build yourself up! Go watch a baseball game with a friend.

Rent the Incredibles and enjoy the sheer fun of it.

Exercise and laughter will help with the stress and depression. YOU HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF TO DO IT!

Suck it up dude! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

SIS

I am sorry to hear about your recent circumstances. I understand how you feel. I found out about 8 months ago that my H was having an affair with a woman from his work. We immediately began counseling and we are just now able to speak to each other honestly and openly. First rule, give yourself a break... when I found out it shook me to my core and completely destroyed everything I thought I knew not only about myself but also my marriage, my family... everything. I was a train wreck and from what I know, that is normal. I hope for peace in your heart.

This is the first time that I have written or come to this site and I wish I had found it earlier. Nice to know that someone else understands your pain.