Hi WAT

No squabble mate. Just to give a little background to my experience.

Exposing to OP spouse is absolutely the most effective IME. JUST as you bullied and cajoled me into doing !

Squids beloved and trusted sister was also useful - she had a stake in our marriage partly because she and I are friends and partly because Squid looks up to and values her approval.

I DIDN'T expose to her other sister because she has something of a checkered sexual history herself. I wish I HADN'T exposed to her one friend because it was just used as lascivious gossip and she actually became an enabler of the affair as she thought it was exciting " just like on the telly". Silly mare.

My point is, I think, that exposure should be targetted at people who are stakeholders in the affacted marriages and so whom could be expected to apply pressure for the support of the M not the affair.

I said " Christian" partly out of personal experience and partly because I know at its core Christianity espouses a sponsorship for the union of marrige.

Adherents are sinners like everyine else, but they SHOULD share a core set of beliefs, among them that Marriage is a sacred, lifeling , unique partnership.

And YES, you are the strongest supporter of exposure anywhere. I DID think that Jayne ( Squids GF) would be too, but she wasn't. When I don't have all the facts, yet must make a decision, I look to the indicators and make an extrapolation.

Do you ever look at my current sit and grin, knowing you contributed hugely towards it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> you should !

{{{WAT}}}

Let's go have a pint.

I sincerely believe we're about 99% in agreement.


An undeniable fact.

My earlier reaction was to your implication that the converse of this fact is also true - that non-Christians thusly don't embrace marriage or don't honor it's contract. That's all.

I smile and am proud that you credit me so much with your decision to expose, but I believe I was just the straw that finally broke the camel's back - if I hadn't been here at all someone else probably would have brow beaten you to do it! After all, it took more than one 2X4 to convince you.

So, why is it Brits drink their beer warm?

Warmly,
WAT

Don't they have ICE over there?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

It's a myth. Most of them like nice cold lager. But Bob will come along now and disprove this, I'm sure!

Incidentally, exposure did not have the desired effect in my situation, possibly because OW is not married. My WH was of the opinion that everyone knows now, things can never be the same, goodbye. Nob.

TT

Ah I see almost the full complement of the Bob "Expose now!" [censored] kickers are here ! Ganging up on me again huh ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How strange the circle of life is that I advise many to expose and plan A these days.

OK enough butt kissing from me already !

{{{WAT & MEL}}}

Re warm beer, its a different kind of drink, real ale than lager style beers.

In the same way that red wine is rarely chilled and white wine rarely served at from temperature.

Lager style beers are refreshing on a hot day, but don't really taste very complex.

Real ale can be very complex and flavoursome but isn't really refreshing as its served at room temperature.

We dont often drink actually WARM beer, just not very refrigerated ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

TTs right most brits drink lager or Guinness but a few wierdos drink real ales.

They have ice, but it's strictly rationed. One cube per person, sister.

Don't listen to Mel, Bob. Texans can't handle real ale.

GC

LOL GC ! I remember rinking some fine stuff in Austin, Shiner amber bock.

Man, got smashed on that in a wonderful dive called Joes Generic Bar on Sixth street. An evening never to be remembered ! Thats liek real ale but stored in liquid nitrogen ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Edited to say you're right about the ice ! You get a coupla cubes in a glass , NOT your drink poured over the ice !

You can tell English visitors to the US because they ask for coke without ice in Mcdonalds !

How sad, TT, that he would make it a condition of reconciliation that you help hide his dirty secret. Essentially, he is punishing you for not aiding and abetting him. I still think that exposure was the right thing to do; helping them hide out is never the right thing to do. I suspect he wanted to leave anyway, but just used exposure as a convenient excuse.

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS, YANKEEBOY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Oh please, please don't turn this into another thread about the virtues of Texas!

Hi MEL from the left coaster <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mel - I moved to a new house with the kids. I instigated it but I still believe he left us. From DDay until I moved out (9 months), he never gave one indication he thought recovery was possible. No talking, touching, nothing. I won't churn it all up now but you can't recover on your own. It was also hurtful realising that he'd removed himself as a father figure too. The kids were just a pain in the [censored]. We've been separated for 5 months now and you have never seen a more miserable man. That really is the truth. TT

TT - FWIW, exposure didn't work in my case, either, to cause an end to the affair. Quite the contrary - OM's W went on the attack mode and exposed in a manner meant to harass, ridicule, and gain vengence. The infidels were thus able to point to her as the "problem."

But for you and me both, exposure probably had other benefits - for our consciences and our recovery. I know for a fact that I became viewed in the community as the "noble" spouse, trying to keep his family together, despite lies told about me by both infidels. It took awhile for this to occur because no one wanted to believe the wild story that the infidels left their respected families due to an affair.

So, yes, exposure doesn't always work to end an affair. But NOT exposing doesn't either.

WAT

WAT - I'm glad your conscience is clear. I'm still struggling with mine. My WH has horrible health problems and I feel a terrible guilt at giving up on him. So I haven't completely. I spent a lot of time caring for him, making sure he had the correct diet, collecting meds, accompanying him on trips to doctor. Can't quite reconcile that it's not my job at the moment. Possibly because together or apart, his health has huge implications on mine and the kids' lives. It stinks. He has an affair. I feel guilty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

And just as a matter of balance, Squid's deeply bound affair lasted three phone calls after I exposed with proof to OM GF.

Where there is a relationship stakeholder on the OPs side ( spouse, long term partner) expousure can have a fantastic effect.

And, as I try to explain to all frightened new BS who ask me, if the WS leaves, its because of their affair NOT because of exposure.

No exposure leaves the BS in a terrible situation IMO and the control of recovery back in the hands of the affairees.

And let me be honest here - cos nobody's going to read it - when I feel bad about OM I remember the absolute devastation that my exposure bought upon his head and I smile.

It was RIGHT it WORKED and It gave me the satisfaction that my own brave intervention stopped their affair and dropped OM into life of unmitigated poo for a while.

It makes me very happy that I got landed a great punch , albeit metaphorically <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

See? Its a myth that Bobs a nice guy ! Hyuk !:)

Don't mess with YANKEEBOY, Miss Calamity Pain!

Bob,

I mix my very expensive dry red wine with club soda, at a ratio of 1:1. It makes it last longer and cuts the calories in half! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Interesting weaver ! I've drunk perrier spritzers in France, but always with white wine.

Never risked doing anything with expensive wine in case it spoils it !

I did have dinner witha friend in paris once who poured a drop of the margaux we were drinking onto a punnet of fresh strawberries then added a twist of fresh back pepper.

"interesting" is my verdict on that. Not horrible, but why waste gorgeous strawberries right ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well leave it to those crazy Frenchies, eh Bob?

I don't get the pepper part of it though.

How about an Italian Bolini cocktail? Bordalino(sp) mixed with fresh peach juice. At least I think that is what I had one time. Not in Italy but at my Italian girlfriends home.

foreigners and yankees! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

[Miss Calamity Pain??? ROFL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />]