Well, I’m at another turning point in my saga/drama of transition. After 13 years, my employer terminated me. We couldn’t come to terms with the arbitrary and personally motivated transfer. What makes this painful is that this whole thing started b/c of the drama surrounding my xW’s A and our Dv. (Guess who called my employer with damaging 'information'). Betrayed, Divorced, and now...Fired!

I’m so tired of being lied about disrespected and discarded. Now I have to build a new career as well as a new personal life while I try to make ends meet. My sons are acting depressed and now both their college administrator dad and physician mom are broke and scrambling for their livelihood. ALL B/C TWO ADULTS WANTED TO PURSUE THE FANTASY OF AN AFFAIR.

WS’s out there take heed; affairs and divorces (especially this ‘no-fault’ crap) DEVASTATE LIVES. Don’t fool yourselves that just because you’ll be happy (you won’t) that your spouse and kids will be (they can’t). What blows my mind in my case is that the OM’s W left him and she, her OM and his xW ended losing everything. He could watch their lives unravel, tell my W about it and still they decide to pursue this madness. Now my kids are acting out and ALL of our lives are faced with unnecessary difficulties. I hate this. I just simply hate this.
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I am so sorry. Do they have legal grounds to fire you? Is it soemthing you could protest? If so, would it be worth protesting? Will they at least give you a good refrences and let you resign on you own? There are Colleges all over. My Uncle (he is no longer living) lost a position at Texas A&M (major University) due to personal problems and that he had a hard time coping with them. He later was hired in a similar position with at Blinn (a junior college in our area). It was a pay cut, but he ended up really enjoying his new job. he made good friends, etc. It gave him a freah start in soem ares of his life. I hope things get better.

DLC, I was afraid it was heading in this direction.

I'm so sorry. The firing is bad enough by itself, but placed in its context, it's far worse - another stick in the eye. I truly feel for you.

GC

You know, all these years, I heard about how destructive affairs are. Never could I imagine the domino effect of a decision engage and pursue an A. What's so amazing is that while in the Fog, WS's do not have the restraint to end the slide into oblivion.

My legal options are murky right now. I'm focusing on getting the maximum from my accrued benefits, finding a new job, and developing my business interests. My boys don't care how Daddy pays the bills, as long as I pay them their due attention. All of this is so unfair to them... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

dlc:

"Guess who called my employer with damaging 'information'"

Questions:

Is Guess who who I think it is? And if so, why does she care what you do for a living, so long as it supports her kids? Why wouldn't she want you 2 have a good job?

If this damaging information is misinformation, you have an obligation 2 set the record straight.

I was a juror once on a "wrongful termination" lawsuit. Something like that comes to mind. If you do nothing, it's tantamount 2 an admission that the misinformation is accurate, and that will affect your fu2re hirability.

-ol' 2long

She told my colleagues that I was unstable back b4 the Dv was final. That was her 'cover story' as to why she needed out of the M. A year later, I'm still dealing with the smoke she produced.

I'm looking into wrongful termination, but I really need to concentrate on replacing the income I just lost. What a damn headache...

Does your ex know what has happened? I don't know why I asked this but it is likely to have some affect on the children and it might be useful for her to know this ahead of time. Of course she may be vindictive enough to then try to get the kids. I don't know.

I say get looking for a good lawyer, get lots of references, and of course a new job. I have this feeling that some doors will open up for you, but you will have to be very flexible in your thinking.

God Bless,

JL

No, my xW doesn't know yet; she's so much in the fog still that I don't really talk to her unless I have to. I will talkto her if I can't make a quick transition as I am responsible for the boy's benefits.

Right now she's not into 'the mommy thing' (her words), so I really am not worried about her wanting to take the kids. I just want some forward movement.

Two good points. I AM at a crossroads. I will have move beyond the shadow of the drama of the xW, but the ‘path of destruction’ scenario is true. Whoever sold Ws’s that Dv is ‘good for all parties’ must be high. I can rebuild. I must rebuild. But doing so in the midst of this pain is hard indeed.

When Isee the damage wrought by the events of the last two years, I often wonder Why we BS's even bother with reconciling or recovery. The more time passes, the less I can see xW in a light that is redeemable. I'm probally in another type of Fog, but tragic nonetheless.

More tragic is the mortal blow my trust in others has taken. No matter how much better things in my future may get, I'll never beleive that a Dv borne of an A is anything but catastrophic.

Wow dl - you really hit it.

I've watched my family dissolve and fall apart over the stupidity of two grown, seemingly sane people turn into selfish, uncaring monsters.

I am so sorry about the loss of your job - its so difficult to start over, and added on top of everything else, I can imagine it feels pretty overwhelming.

I'm watching my children try to adjust, try to figure out why mom would leave the family and then try to act like having two homes and parents who used to love one another be at odds. I'm angry at my STBXW for the way she acts as if things are just fine, while her children suffer from confusion and stress.

My sympathy is with you today -

David

It is overwhelming. I had to tell xW about the sitch b/c of insurance concerns, but it makes me eel SO defeated. Her reply? “Good luck”. Sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

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