[color:"purple"]I haven't cried because of xH/OW/OC/A since January 13 after almost a whole year of crying almost everyday ... until yesterday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> ...

OW is planning OC's Baptism ... and I got an invitation ... not, correction ... DD got an invitation to attend the Baptism with lunch afterwards at OC/OW's house ... where she added at the end ... OC's loving parents - OW and xH ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It hurt ... a lot ... to see their names together ... I didn't know something like that was going to hurt that much ...
anyway, when xH came home to see DD ... I asked him if the invitation was just out of courtesy of if she was expecting us to go ...
xH said 'I think the invitation was for DD not for you' ...
I was thinking about it the whole afternoon and finally decided that I would go to the church and the let DD go with xH to the lunch or whatever it is they are having ... but when he said that, I couldn't help myself and started crying ... he hugged me and said he would ask OW if I was included in the invitation ...
don't bother ... I sent OW a note:
" Thank you very much for the invitation to OC's Baptism. It means a lot for DD to be part of this special moment in OC's life. I will go with DD to church and xH will take her later to your house. If this is not what you had in mind, please let me know. I do not want anyone to feel uncomfortable ' ... I sent the note today ... xH read and said it was ok ...
and I told him, if she does not want me in the church, fine .... but I won't let DD go to her house after ... I need for us to meet at the middle and I just feel that up until now, everything is what she wants and how she wants it ... I do want OC to be part of DD's life ... but it seems that DD's is part of OC's life but not vice versa ... does this make sense?
Do I really want to go to the Baptism? [/color]

Hey Mily,

I don't have much time but just wanted to let u know, I feel your pain. XH & OW had OC christened at his uncle's church last October which was such a joke, she was already 2 yrs. old. I was invited but only the day before the event & he knew I couldn't come cuz I had a family obiligation that day.

So I sat at home while he stood in church before God, his family & friends with this "thing" & their child. I was so angry & so hurt.

I didn't want to be there, & don't know if I would have gone, if I had a child with my XH, I don't think I would have let him or her go either, it was just wrong in my opinion, I felt XH didn't need to be there. Women go thru that alone, it is not a crime.

Anyway just wanted to let u know I am here, can't help much but I can relate.

I am so sorry u r hurting over this.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Mily}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You are worried that she might feel uncomfortable that you are at the baptism when she had a child with your husband? I don't think she has any right to feel uncomfortable for a situations she created.

Milly,

I think I have your story straight,but refresh my memory. Aren't you and your XH trying to work things out?

I went to OC's baptism and it was extrememely uncomfortable. However, it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. OW had put H's name in the bulletin at the church. H participated in the ceremony, but sat by me the entire time. H was very uncomfortable also. H and I tried to leave quickly at the end, but OW's mom asked us to stay for pictures. (They did include me in the pictures, but I suspect OW may have cut me out.) I did recieve some support from the minister (who OW must have told our story to) and from OW's best friend mom. That was interesting to me as I did not expect anyone she knew to be sympathetic to me.

If you and H are trying to work things out, I completely understand you wanting to attend.

[color:"purple"] I have mixed feelings about this ... I do want to go to church and attend the Baptism because of what it means ... but I think that if I don't go, it will hurt more ...
The thing is that about a month ago I asked xH if OC was ever going to be baptized ... and he asked OW and that's when she started making plans for the Baptism ... maybe I should had kept my mouth shut! ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

And then I have this feeling that everything is just a big show ... OW adding xH's name in the invitation ... like they are a big proud happy family ... which for me it will be just an appearance for her family ...
I wouldn't go to her house but I do want DD to be part of this ... but it hurts to think that she is going to be sharing this with them, without me ...

Then I try to see myself at church ... and I know under any circumstance I would have wanted OW to attend DD's Baptism ... at that time we were still married and I didn't know OW was pregnant ...

The attitude that she has with me is like she was the wife and I'm the one that wrecked her relationship with him ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> and I'm not worried about she feeling uncomfortable ... it was more of a message for her about she and her family making me feeling uncomfortable ... yeah ... I don't think she will get it ... but I want them to know that I exist and I'm here and I'm not going anywhere ... especially since xH and I are working through our relationship, which is going very good ...
Yes, I've talk to xH about this and he said that he doesn't want me to get hurt ...
But then, me not going to the Baptism, somehow feels like it is ok to have two families mutually exclusive from each other ... what a mess!

Thanks for your comments...[/color]

[color:"red"] [/color] Milly I feel very strongly that since you and H are trying to work things out that you should attend the church service. I don't even agree that H should go to her house afterward w/o you. In my opinion if you and H are trying to work things out than you have every right to be there right along w/ him. It does show a united front. I hope that this all works out for you. I know that you've been through a lot and I definitely know the feeling of crying every single day. For me I haven't been crying as much lately and that's a good sign!

Wife30,
Thank you. I will be attending the church service.

OW sent me a text message yesterday afternoon:
I got the card. That would be GREAT, and thank you for letting DD be a part of this day. It means a lot.

Then she ran to call xH to tell him what she has done ... see ... is things like this why I can't trust her actions. I still have the feeling that when she does things like this is to be on his good side.
Then she left a message this morning to him at 5:40am ... about their plans for today when he goes to see OC in the afternoon ... like she felt the need to start calling him again in the morning before going to work because she thinks she did good letting me attend the service. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />


Exactly how I feel.

Edited: I listened to the message completely ... I just listened to part of it and not all because otherwise it was not going to appear as a new message ... anyway ... listened to the whole message since he saved it ... and at the end she was complaining on why he is not calling her anymore not either to say hello ... and at the very end she said that she loves him ...
no trust ... this just confirms to me that she is putting a whole show for him on how good she is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Oh! Mily,

I agree with you and understand your feelings. These are some of the fears that I have with this situation. I think that on some level they (H) believe that it is okay to exclude you when it comes to things in dealing with their OC. I don't think that that is fair and I definately think that gives the OW too much say so in your lives.

How can you have a relationship let alone a marriage where their are too many outside factors involved in the relationship. Where is the line drawn????
Personally I don't think that he should be involved if you are not!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Why would he want to be if you are going to be the woman in his life!!!!

Mily, I pray for peace for you during this time and you are a stonger woman than me and this is why I am a firm believer that NO CONTACT is the way to go!!!! What a mess!
KEep the faith, but I think you need to be sure that you and your Husband need to be TOGETHER on every aspect of your lives that includes OW/OC!!!!
If he can't have you involved then it is not going to ever work and he must be willing to give 130% of it all!!

Love Ya,

JT