I've been feeling pretty depressed lately. I guess it all started when I realized that I've been working at TAG for 7 years. That's a very long time. I realized that in June I will be 26 and I have not accomplished anything in my life. I feel that it's empty. I know I have the kids but they are completely different in those terms. I have not exceeded in life or accomplished anything to reflect upon. I feel like I am going through a mid life crisis at 26. I don't know were it comes from just a deep unsettling feeling that I don't see changing. All of this has made me rethink my entire life. Yes I will bring the past in it because thats were it comes from. I don't know what went wrong, I don't know how to fix it. I want to do things with my life. I have looked at 2 options either a technology school to study music or a culinary school. There are different problems that come with both choices. The only place that I found around here that does music technology is a school called Fullsail in Orlando. The culinary school would be a lot easier but would it pay off. I have a bunch of resentment from you, because I always will feel that I was forced to stay at TAG while you went to school, and the reason why I always say that you should do something besides teaching is because of money. I want to go back to school but I feel that it would be a better decision if I went back without a part time job, which I know won't be possible. Why did you choose the easy path in life, why couldn't we have moved to get you into a better job something that you actually went 5 years to school for. I hate this feeling that I have it really sucks, think about it you wake up one day reflecting and the only thing you can say is that you 2 of the greatest kids in the world, but nothing else. I know that's saying a lot because people would give the world for what we have but you know that's not enough for me. For me to be satisfied I need the other 50 percent and say that my career life is just as great. That's how men are. Like I said this has made me reflect on everything, even us again. Have I gotten this way because of you, maybe. Do I feel like you have held me down in my life, yes. If I choose to go to that school in Orlando for music, what would you say. I know for certain you would say no. Because that's 3 hours away. That would involve a move. You can't move because your locked in for 3 years at school. I feel like I haven't lived my life for me I feel like I have lived it for you. What are the sacrifices that you have made for me. Honestly I can't recall any. I have looked into the mirror for 7 years day in day out and all I see is the same reflection. I feel like my life is groundhogs day because everyday its the same thing. I am tired of living the same day for so many years. I have though about changes so often it gets sickening. I have realized that I don't want any more kids, I am so worried that the 2 that we have won't have everything they need in life. We procratenate so much on their future I feel like I want to cry. I want them to have what I didn't when I was growing up and I feel that adding another would just prevent the wellness of their future. I want to be able for them to have a car when they turn 16 and go to college without having to worry about our money and their money. These are all thought I feel that you never think about. I need you to start thinking about these things for me because I can't do it anymore. I feel that I am the only one that assumes any responsibility in our family. We don't think the same and we don't understand each other. I just have so much that I need to get out and write you because it has been on my shoulders for so long that its time for it to come off. I have already requested information from that school in Orlando just to see what they offer. I will be still trying to find other schools locally that have the same programs and I will also be requesting info from the culinary school to see what they say.

First, How do you feel about the letter? Would you be willing to move? Are you already trying a plan A? Have you two tried IC & MC? If so, how is it going? If not, would you give them a try?

How could you be such a rotten person to cause all his troubles? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Sheese, what a pity party!

Here's my non-professional analysis of this letter -

Three diagnoses:

1. He has a lot of growing up to do.

2. #1 + typical blame projection of a WS on to the BS

3. #2 + he's clinically depressed

I suggest you compel him to get some counseling. Assuming he won't agree, go to a counselor yourself with this letter and get started with a real diagnosis of your family sitch.

MLC at 26? Nope. More like reality setting in that life isn't all a bowl of cherries. Hasn't accomplished anything yet in life? Duh! He's only 26. I have tee shirts older than that.

Wow, I hardly know where to begin. This letter appears to be written by a very immature child, who is blaming everyone else for the predicament he is in. Poor me, my life sucks and it's everyone else's fault. We are all responsible for our own lifes and how we got there. I believe your H needs IC and lots of it. That being said I think you two need to sit down and discuss your future, without blaming each other for where you are. Tell your H that you understand he is unhappy and want to work together to build a life that is fulfilling for both of you. As hard as it may be, ignore the horrible things he said in the letter (at least for now) and take away from it the message he is sending you: he is unhappy and needs help planning his future. Be thankful he is thinking about the future for his family, tell him you appreciate that. Can you work together to build a plan for your family?

Also, trust me, Money does not buy happiness. Last year while my life was falling apart. I had a ton of money in the bank and was more miserable then I had even been in my life. And no 16 year old child needs a car! Children need a loving stable environment not material things. I grew up without any money and learned how to work hard for what I have and because of that I appreciate it more.

Wow! ML25, your idiot husband has managed to start his midlife crisis 25 years before everybody else in his age group. Geeze, wouldn't it be nice if you can work out your marriage now so you don't have to do this again 2 1/2 decades later?

I congratulate you on having 2 young children, finishing university and having a responsible job. That is no small feat. It would seem your H has supported you to this goal. How unfortunate that he feels you need to be bringing in the big bucks to repay his investment. It would be wonderful if your family worked in such a way that you would be able to support him while he went to school. Somehow, I don't think that's really where he's coming from.

I think he wants to escape. He wants to be absolved of the responsibilities of adulthood that he has accumulated. So, he looks in the mirror and sees the same person every morning. Duh, he's going to look the same no matter where he is. Are his worries about his children's future the things that he wants/wanted for himself? A car, a paid for education?

One of the great things about being a teacher is that it's a family-friendly profession. Not a lot of money but it doesn't have the demands a lot of jobs have. You aren't traveling. You aren't working 12 hour days and weekends. Teaching is very demanding but in general, the management seems to be more humane. Many companies would prefer that you never have a family, spend a minute away from business or even leave the building.

Your H has zeroed in on 2 of the most family-unfriendly professions around. The life of a chef is very demanding and the hours can be really weird. And musicians? What movie was is where the woman kept chanting, "Never date a musician!"? You would be leading very different lives. You might become ships passing in the night. (or early morning) Has he really thought these through? Does he really have a passion for either music or cooking? Is there really any money in them except at the top most levels?

Are you willing to support him with his dream? If you do, that's super. Will you want to relocate? This maybe a stressful time but if the two of you can work it out, it could be a wonderful thing.

Good luck. Don't take the blame for everything. H needs to own up to a lot. Regret is one of the worst things in life. Listen to his dream. Good luck.

THanks all for your replies!!!!

stormydakota


I am upset because I feel he is blaming for things that are not true. he has had 3 opporstunities to go to college... my mom was going to pay for cc after high school. he broek up with me instead. (*obviously she wasn't going to still pay) Then he did go to IT school but never took the ttest (all his idea). then i was getting him the info to go to online school . when he started the A. so that was called off. <BACKGROUND: he always starts between April (the anniversary of his work and JUne (His birthday) an dthats when he started the A and almost every Year he starts something around this time...>
I've tried plan A, i'm not the best at it. but i dont know if he's in an A or not. i have not proof and we've already been seperated through plan a/B and now this is our second go around. so i dont know if i should be doing a plan A. I've been ton ic. we havent gotton to MC. i left a msg tonight and said I would be going back to IC and i hope he'll come and make it MC . havent heard back about htat..


worthatry


Thanks. I agree. af ew years ago when i'd get these once a year letters i'd flip out. i feel more calm because i see it for what it is. he is blaming me for things beyond my control. he wants me to be in control of my own happiness and his happiness. he is never happy. he wanted me to get a job i got a great job, now i took the easy way out and its not good enough. its never good enoguh!

kloe72

We did talk i told him i suport him 100 percent in anything he wants to do. He is money hungry. i'm tired of it. i grew up with more then enough. so do our kids. even when we have lived paycheck to paycheck they've had abouve and beyond. so has he. we have all the latest gadgets and the best of everything. b/c that's w hat he wants. when is tarted working we more then doubled our income each year. and he still wants more. we have more then enogh money and like tonight hes working late (which after taxes will give us 7.00 more on his pacycheck... but at least its more money........)

grapegirl
Thanks I dont iknow where the chef/muscion thing came from its all news to me. part of his MLC he says!!! well. See my degree is in biotechnology. i could get paid at least twice as much. but i'd be gone 12 hours a day. and i tdon think i'd be happy as i am now. i love teaching. a year ago when i ogt my "yearly letter" he was begging me not to be a stay at hom mom anymore to get any job even at walmart.. so i found a great teaching job with benerfits (we had no insureance before this) and i make more then him. and i knew it i predictied it still wouldn't be enoguh. i need to try to foucus on me not his happiness alone..

Thanks guys!!!!

Here is the latest thing from my lovely H . today when i talked to him he said that my D got red permanent marker over her when he was in the shoer. i said why was it out he said he was burning a cd i asked what CD he said his frined wanted to hear what tool sounded like so he burned him 2 copies. of 2 different cd's. i said was that all that you burned (i had a gut feeling) he said yes. I said ok. when i got home i checked the history. he burned another cd with these songs on it mostly depressed i hate my life songs a coupley lovey sounding songs. so i call him to tlak later . i said hey did u only burn 2 cd's he said yes i said what about this mixed one (it also showed he burned the two tool cds') he said oh it doesnt work. i said why he said i dropped it on the ground and it got scratched. I said oh where is it he said in his car. i said why didnt u tell me you burned 3 he said well i only have 2 i said yea but i asked if you Burned anymore and you said NO you did burn 3. he got fustrated and hung up. later i asked where the cd was he said in his car. i said can you bring it in when ug et home he said yes but i bet he forgets and i'm too emotionaly tired to ask anymore. i am fustrated. ughhhhh this lying has to stop!!!!!!!!!!!

In my limited experience, you will always catch your WH in stupid lies. My WH will lie when the truth would do perfectly well. I don't know why that is. They just get into the habit. Why your WH couldn't tell you he burned 3 cds would be a mystery to anyone. The lying isn't going to stop.

I, for one, think you've made a great decision to be a teacher. At least you know that if you have a need to support yourself better, the means are available to you. You'll have more money with a biotech job but your kids will suffer.

It's interesting that this is a regular thing with your guy. For reverse babble, tell him that if this is his midlife crisis, does that mean he's only going to live to be 50?