I haven't posted here in quite sometime due to way too many problems at home. My H's OC was born in January, I got to see her once when she was in the hospital sick. Then the xOW said she couldn't handle it and said that I will never be in her baby's life because she can't deal with the thought of her baby being apart of my family. So that broke my heart and we hadn't filed any papers yet b/c she is married and prior to the baby being born it was agreed that the baby would be raised by her family with limited to no contact with H. Well that didn't go well, her H isn't taking it well and making her life hell, so my H stepped in to be a father and I supported him b/c no child should be w/o their father, but it was all on her terms b/c we had no court agreement, so my H would have to see her on her time and have to spend time w/xOW and baby. Drove me crazy and my H agreed to file papers, but now he's out of town training with a new job. So last weekend I was going to drive to see him and I get an email from OW asking if I want to take OC with me for the entire weekend Friday night through Sunday!!! What???? I was shocked, excited, cautious, and wondering what the angle was (she doesn't like me and well I have my feelings about her). My H had known but hadn't said anything to me b/c he didn't believe OW. We both figured she would back out, but Friday came and she showed up at my house with OC. She cried, apologized, said she wanted to do the right thing, and wanted us to get along b/c we are in each other's life forever and in a way are family. I was shocked, cried b/c I was so happy to be having the baby, my son was excited, and the weekend went great, except OC was sick and threw up after bottles, but all in all a really good time was had. She's a great baby and only wakes up 2x in the night. When I came home xOW picked OC up and said that she works Saturday afternoons for 4 hours and when H gets back we can take her during that time also.

I still have a feeling of what universe did I just step into? She admits to loving my H still and she leans on him a lot, but I hope this is a big step. OW says she just wants to do the right thing and help ease the pain she has caused me and knows the OC makes me happy. I just pray she's not trying to use this as an angle, her b-day is coming up and I hope she doesn't say to me that she let me have OC for weekend so can she spend day with H? She's tried it before on H, saying she's changed her life for him and all she wants is to go to dinner to celebrate her new job - he told her no. M is going better, still have issues w/H but for the most part I think we're healing and this new development is HUGE!!

Sorry so long, just thought to share that sometimes the universe drops a good thing in your lap when you're least expecting it.

Amberlina, sorry to hear about your situation. I'm kinda in a similar sitch, in that xOW is M also and has OC w/my H. From what you posted, it sounds to me that OW still wants a R with your H and it's up to your H to establish boundaries and rules with her so that she's not mislead. Dinner w/him because she got a new job? That's crap. That's what HER H is for!!!! So, your H filed necessary paperwork? We haven't gotten that far in our sitch. XOW's H is listed on the BC as father. My H wants a R with OC, but they (OW/OWH) just want us to leave it alone and let it be. Not gonna happen. My H has consulted w/an atty but hasn't filed anything yet.

It is really strange that out of the blue OW let you have OC. I really can't put my finger on that one. Maybe she is doing it out of the kindness in her heart (if she possibly has any). Who knows. Maybe there are some OWs on here that can relate to that one a little better. Hopefully one of them will respond to you. Good luck to you and your marriage.

I think it is possible for an xow to have changed attitude (toward you and contact), but not if she's still pursuing your H! That's just changing TACTICS, kwim?

If she's only changing tactics, then her attitude may change again (negatively) when she sees it isn't realing your H back to her.

However, I think I'd "plan A" the xow by appearing pleasantly cooperative to her, while maintaining very tight rules and poja with your Hubby!! No solo contact! If poss., have H be firmly business-like to her so you look the "good guy". This way, even if xow HAD other plans, she'll see that you're better to deal with and good for the child. If she's even half a decent person, she'll continue to cooperate in contact/parenting, and hopefully respect boundaries w/H too.

Would be too long a story to explain our history w/our xow... but she's a bit of Dr.Jeckell/Mrs.Hyde, usually cooperative, other times so nasty she's nearly demented. I DO NOT trust her, but I act friendly and respectful and for the last 9mo of visitation she has done the same.

Every situation is different. Best wishes,
J.

Get to an attorney and have these times and issues hammered out. There is no way to do this except legally.

She is after your husband.

Has DNA been established? If not, you and he do nothing. No money, no visits. Nothing.