Dear Melodylane, I am so very tired. Yes, I know I did the right thing now. that much was confirmed to me this morning. The new cell phone statements came online this morning so I was checking over them and the reason I thought maybe he would have quit talking to her on his own is because he had talked to her a lot less this past month than before. BUT, than I found another number he was calling a lot and he happened to call me shortly thereafter and so I asked him whose number that was and again he acted all innocent. I had called the number and a lady answered so I asked him if Cindy (not her real name) rang a bell. He heehawed around awhile til he realized I wasn't backing down. I was so very calm and icy so he knew I was done. I hung up on him a couple times and before I knew it he had pulled his truck (he drives semi) in front of the house (he never does that) and wanted to talk. I told him I have nothing to say. Long story short he says this OW#2 wanted to start something and he told he can't (but he was still talking with her). He just doesn't get the whole EA thing. He thinks an A is just a Physical thing. Til he left he was fairly begging me to stay and is willing to do anything to work things out. Yes, I have talked to OW#1. We are supposedly friends after all. Although they live 1 1/2 hours away so we don't see them much. We have mutual friends though so that could be a problem. I had asked her to not ever call him again but I guess she didn't care. With his cell phone his calls don't come in detail but I said now I will call and have them come listed. He said he is fine with that. Gotta go Thanks

Ok, here is an update. My WH came home the other day after I had confronted him about OW#2 and was willing to talk. Finally. And has been talking ever since. I had really let him have it, I was so tired of it all I just no longer cared. Well, he came home and said he finally sees what I have been trying to say, that an affair can be more than just physical. He thought all along as long as it is nothing physical it is alright. Now he knows how it makes me feel. He did call the OW#1 one more time after I had made him write the no contact letter to tell her what was up. Claims he blocked his call so she won't have his new #. He had taken her number out of his phone but had memorized it. I called OW#2 and left a message on her voice mail (she wouldn't answer her phone after the first time I called to see who she was) and told her please leave me H alone. I am wondering if it would carry more weight if I went and talked to her in person? On the other hand my husband is changing jobs in about a month (she works if the office where he picks up loads) so maybe that will be enough? H has been very loving and most importantly has been telling me everything he never felt free to tell me before (mostly my fault because of LB's). Now, if (or when?) he contacts these women again, what is my response supposed to be? I feel pretty sure he will tell me if he has talked to them so that is a plus. I think we are finally getting somewhere.

momtoash, I would just keep watching him until you are sure that contact ends. It is a huge problem that they work together, you know that don't you? Are either of the OW married?

Yes, I know working together is a major problem but he does not stop there regularly (maybe several times a month) and like I said he will be changing jobs in another month, and we will eventually move closer to that job so I don't see her as a real threat. Yes, both women are married and unhappy with their spouses. They use him as a shoulder to cry on. He just does not get how simply talking to a woman on the phone can be an affair. Can someone help me with this? Can a spouse talk to someone of the opposite sex (on a regular basis) and it just be like another friend? I have explained it to him in as many ways as I can and he says he understands than hours later he wants me to explain it to him again. I have asked him how much can I talk to another guy before he would start to get jealous and worried. Yes, he says, he sees my point. And just the fact he was keeping it all a big secret set off major bells in my head. He just didn't think it was important he says. yeah right. Now the OW#1 is all hurt and upset about the letter saying no contact. Should I talk to her? I had tried the first time and thought we had gotten somewhere but obviously not. How do I explain it to her that I just don't want her talking to my husband? She talks to all the other guys too they say. These people just don't GET IT! They are making me look like the bad guy! Paranoid for nothing. Help me out here. And what about my H talking with OW#1's H? Can they still be friends? (remember OW's H doesn't care about A because he has his own going on). But he still wants to be freinds with my H. So confusing. Any ideas?

MTT

so sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you but I couldn't reply for the logest time. I guess it is fixed now.

Thankfully you have ML and CV55 to help you along the way(they know more than me any way)

Poor OW#1 boohoo she's hurt BFD and her H? Neither of you should waste your time trying to smooth things over for them.

Your H needs to find a "drinking buddy" who wants to talk about fishing and how to change the oil on the family car.
H