I have been in an imperfect Plan B for about a month now...

At first, I was feeling much better about things, being in a new city, away from the chaos that the A and my WW have caused me.

But now, even though I am doing things for me - see my Plan B journal II thread for details - I am waking up much more sad, and am less enthusiastic in general.

Is this the beginning of withdrawal from my WW? Or just a dip in the rollercoaster?

TM

Since you have been doing an 'imperfect' plan B, you may be in withdrawal...and wanting a fix from you WS, so that will get you the excitment from the drama you have gotten used to these last several months. Don't fall for it. It should get better as you focus on your personal growth and recovery. Do some healthy spiritual work... and stuff that others have suggested....not the bar hopping...getting drunk...escape or running from dealing with the pain of your loss.

You can do it. Be strong. Be firm with your bounderies and plan B.

All the best.

Travellin,

I think you have seen the benefit of moving to a new city and it's attendant novelty wear off. Any stimulus, if it is of sufficient strength, will delay the personal work necessary to accept and proceed with your new life. I am sure that is why BS's often try to fill up their lives with "things to do"(or people to do). Sometime, when the sun goes down, you will be faced with the true nature and enormity of this unwanted life change. You seem to have gotten to that point fairly quickly. It will wax and wane, just like the moon or ocean's tides. It will get easier and hopefully someday in the not to distant future, you will again find excitement and interest in those things that brought you joy and life's purpose.

Acknowledgement, acceptance, perspective, and progression.Plan B's blueprint for your new life.

I have been worried about how you are doing. How is Texas? Your visit with your sister -how was that. You need to keep busy right now -hard as that is you must . I have been working 7 days a week. I have stopped asking my WH any questions. I know he is wondering why. He is begining to open up now. Yet still says we had problems and does not get it that he had the problems not me. He brought his problems into our marriage. IE: his affair. What are you doing to stay busy. How do you like Texas. I agree with the post saying you miss your WW and the drama -sad but true -we get used to things and the problems they cause us. When you get away from the stress isn't it odd that we miss it? Take a deep breath and know you are a great man. Be happy with you.

Thanks for the replies...

Trix - you say do some spiritual work...

I want to - and I am a Christian - but one of the downsides to moving back to Houston is my mother who is an Charasmatic, over the top, in your face, everything Christ-all-the-time type of person. I was saved long before she was, but now that she has become this type of person, I feel, for lack of a better word, "turned off" somewhat by church. She tries to push me to go to her Charismatic church, but that makes me rebel even more and refuse to go at all - just to test her....I know its wrong, but she and I have a long history of problems - in fact, she is to blame for many of my emotional issues that led to my M being in such a bad state.

Cymanca - I am filling my life with things (not people) to do...just to keep busy. I am in a very bad state of limbo for about the next two months before I can move my life in some direction - whether toward or away from my WW...so I feel that I cannot progress, just tread water.

realtor* - Have you read my Plan B II thread? I have been chronicling (sp?) my adventures, feelings, thoughts, etc. I am trying to keep busy - just arrived in Detroit, going to Minneapolis, Indianapolis, and St. Louis all before Sunday - for work....then to Singapore on Thursday next week for fun....My sister left today at the same time I did....I am considering flying to the Middle East to visit her - just to keep my mind off of things....

I hope you are surviving too - I know the pain that we BS' share. Also if y'all can, try to meet some other MB'ers in person - I met Squiggle and ncwalker - and was thouroughly impressed...good people...

TM

TravellinMan,
I'm no expert here but I do believe you are going through withdrawal from your WW.
I've followed your thread and was amazed at the fact that you were moving. I'm sorry you are down right now. Each day is such a roller coaster. I have no advice for you. I just wanted to tell you, take care and I wish the best for you.

TM,
Since you are in Houston I would suggest you try the Lakewood Church. The pastor is Joel Osteen and he is very positive. I am reading his book "Your Best Life Now" and have found it be very helpful through this sucky time. I think they hold services in the old Compaq Center. Have you heard of him?

The trip overseas should be good for you.

There are ways to seek to be more calm and centered through prayer and meditation on your own. That is more what I meant.

There is a little meditation/observation exercise you can try (free without registration, last I knew) at this website:

Be still and know

I am a Christian and I don't find that it compromises my beliefs.

Otherwise, find a church that will challenge you, one in which you can grow.

WCNT -

Yes, I am familiar with Lakewood Church...but the new campus is not going to open until this summer...or later, knowing how construction goes. I haven't read his book, though have heard that it is a popular one. It seems I have too many books to read right now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Trix - I will look at the website when I have quiet around me. Right now I am in an airport club in Detroit - not exactly the place to meditate and be still <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



So is the consensus that I am feeling the beginnings of withdrawal from my WW?

I would not be surprised - in the past, when I was in town, my WW and I spent more or less every waking minute together - so much to the point that I had not cultivated any friendships outside of my M. I never went out with "the boys" or anything. She and I had a few married couples we were friendly with, but saw them rarely. I guess because our time together was limited, we made the most of the time we could find.

I guess that the time we found wasn't enough for her, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


TM