I am new to MB, I have been reading your forum and needed somewhere to vent my story and ask others who have experienced this to help me. My story is I have been married for 30 years, my husband and I are separated now. Neither has talked about divorce but I am sure he is waiting for me to take the first step. There have been 3 affairs in my marriage history. Each time I have taken him back. The first two time because of the children and I loved him, in some ways I still do. The last affair I found out was with someone he worked with. When I found out about it he left me and went to live with her, I know this is crazy but I still was involved with him, we had just bought a new house and he kept promising he would come back and end the affair. I let him come back home but he never stopped seeing her. He tried to convince me that he had, but since I knew where she lived, I kept going over there finding his car. Eventually I couldn't take it any longer and I threatend to move out of the house and let it go into forclosure. He said since it was his house he was coming home anyway. He did, and move all his things back in, which in turn I did move and left him there alone. We eventually sold he house because he could keep it alone. We have 4 children, but only one is under age so we still kept in contact, his family and I are very close. We have know each other since childhood. I just have a hard time of letting go, even if it is in my best interest. When the house was sold he moved in with his sister because I told him if he wanted to work things out with me, he had to leave somewhere else before we moved together. He stayed with his sister for about a year, until he had a heart bypass and when he came home from the hospital he moved in with me at my apartment. It was fine for a while but as he recoved I still couldn't forget the affair he had with this women for over 5 years and as time went on one morning he was late coming home from work and I decided to go and look and I saw his car parked at her house. I confronted him when he got home but of course he made it seem like I should have given him the benefit of the doubt and told me some story about how he was helping her because she had gotten beat up and her daughter had called him. He said he had no contact with her, all the lies he told and I just wanted to believe them. I told him to move and he got an apartment. Again he convinced me to see him and be with him but the affair kept eating away at me and I had a hard time trusting which he seem to think should be easy. I think I am afraid of being alone, I am 51 years old. I cry everynite, I thing for the life I have lost, not as much for him but it is hard and now I was so use to him chasing me and now that he has stopped I feel lost, alone and wonder why I couldn't make this man happy. I am a very religous person and feel you should not run from your problems. Can someone help me and tell me what I can do to move on, I cry every nite. I have job so during the day my mind is occupied, I have family but not a lot of outside single friends. My family was my life. I feel like such a fool. I have to move on but it is hard, he seems to be having a good life, went back to her if he every stop seeing her. Help.

I'm sorry you are going through this. As I'm also going through a D, I don't have much good advice for you about fixing things. That is obviously not my skillset. However, regardless of how things turn out, you do have to focus on yourself at some point and try to make your life work for you. That would be my advice - to find a way to build yourself a new life. Do some things you have always wanted to do, but never did. Be nice to yourself and take time out for yourself to relax and do things you want to do. Exercise is supposed to help - couldn't prove it by me (still trying to get the motivation to use the treadmill.)

It's hard to move on, but we've got to.

Good luck!