First of all, I want to say thank you for having this site and placing all the information to be available so easily.
Well, this is actually quite a long story, but I'll try to summerize it. Currently the state of my marriage is pretty bad. My wife is in withdrawal. I know why she is as well. I've done many of the love busters for quite a while. We lived together for a year before we got married and I wound up being the kind of person that got the idea that now that we're married I don't have to try anymore. I've lied, I've haven't cared about her the way she needs it, I haven't been telling her she's beautiful, I've been short tempered, and other such things. Because of this she's had enough and she has resorted to talking to old friends online and constant flirting in IRC. There are two friends in particular though that she's grown close to. One overseas, and one a state away basically. She's fallen in love with them and she refuses to give me any time to try and fix it. She also keeps telling me that if I take her away from them that she'll leave me. A couple of days ago she wound up having phone sex with the one that is fairly near by. I wound up taking it pretty well because while she was doing it, I was up in our bedroom crying and praying for help. When she was off of the phone she came upstairs and said she did something bad. I already knew but I wanted her to tell me. She didn't want to tell me but she finally did. I told her I understood why she did it and that I wasn't going to hold it over her head. I explained to her that I know that she did it because I haven't been the person she originally fell in love with and that she was looking to feel the happiness that she used to feel with me. Then I told her that I forgave her. One of the things she thinks is that since I didn't get really upset I either must not care or cheated on her. I sure haven't cheated on her and I obviously care because I'm trying really hard to fix our marriage. We talked a bit and then went to bed. The next morning I could tell that she was conflicted. I wasn't upset at all so I was my usual self. I told her she was pretty and before I left I told her I loved her and to be careful going to work. Then I gently hand her face in my hand and told her I forgave her and once again told her I love her and left. She called me on the way to work and said she was sorry and was crying. I told her it's ok, we'll work through things and get them back to how they were and told her not to worry about it. We set a couple things straight and said she couldn't call them again. I tried to say she couldn't talk with them online anymore but she told me she'd leave me. Here it is a couple days later and she's still chatting with him and I don't think it's helping. What should I do? Another thing, probably just my own insecurity issues after all the things going on, but she recently got a sex toy and made to use it while I was home and made sure to come down and say it was great. I've never dated or been with someone that owned one, so I'm not sure if this is a normal thing. I told her I didn't like the idea of her getting one while we're having problems, but she got it anyways. There's still a lot that I haven't said but thats the bulk of it. Sorry it's such a long post.

I don't have any great pearls of wisdom. I recommend you read a lot on this site. You might consider reading the books His Needs/Her Needs and [i]Surviving An Affair[/b].

Obviously, the first book deals with the emotional needs of both of the marriage partners.

And the second book deals with recovery from affairs. It sounds, to me, like your wife is having emotional affairs (EAs) with these two men. EAs can be as damaging as physical affairs (PAs). The recovery can be similar, as well.

I recommend you post your question on the Emotional Needs board or the Just Found Out or General Questions 2. There is more traffic on those boards and more people who have dealt with this same type situation.